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Break The Cycle

“If we cannot forgive and release the pain, it pins us to the train track of victimization and we remain tied the emotional wreckage for however long we continue to carry the burden.
It is one thing to be victimized once, to carry the scars forward and another to suffer over and over in a mental nightmare that keeps us chained to the same pain throughout our lives. We must then, love ourselves enough to cut the cords.
We do not have to remain victims. We can become survivors. Overcomers. We can (and we must) rise up, raise up, take back our power and live with as much dignity as we can muster.
It takes an amazing amount of courage to overcome our pain and not return hate for hate, evil for evil, blow for blow. Only the bravest of the brave manage to do so. I hope that you are brave today, as brave, maybe braver than you know you are. And if you have children, do it not for your sake, but for the ones who look to you to understand how life should be.”

~ Victoria Cayce

 

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The Three Roles Of Victimhood

Okay, this is a must read for those from abusive/ dysfunctional families!!

I do find my predominant role in my family is the victim but sometimes I’ve been the rescuer … and lately, as I’ve expressed my anger.. (according to them.. ) I’m the perpetrator.

Read on, it’s enlightening!!

Love & baby steps,

SG x

The Drama Triangle

By Lynne Namka, Ed. D.

The three roles of the Drama Triangle are the three main positions that unhappy families play as described by transactional therapist, Stephen Karpman in 1968. The three roles are Perpetrator, rescuer and Victim that operate to keep people in the illusion of power. The roles incorporate learned patterns of habit and control mechanisms that bond people together in sick ways. They are symbiotic, destructive behaviors that affect all members of the family.

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Karpman Drama Triangle

Conflict Needs Players

Perpetrator . Victim  Rescuer 

Dr Stephen Karpman’s 1968 idea, was that conflict needs players and players need roles. The consequential objective of each role is just to have its own needs met – even if temporarily – in order to feel justified in its rationale/behaviour/feeling.

Karpman suggests that in each conflict there are three main roles:
  1. The Persecutor: happy to allocate blame and to ensure that other players know they are in the wrong. They are probably angry, accusative, inflexible and feeling very righteous. In order to have their needs met, they require The Victim; someone onto whom they can project their irritation.
  2. The Victim: The Victim takes the brunt of The Persecutor’s wrath. The Victim feels hard-done-by, got-at, powerless, ashamed, unable to do anything. This is obviously a position of anxiety for most, but psychologically it can actually often bring some comfort. You know where you are when you are The Victim, and it’s easy to seek the pity of others. If The Victim role feels natural to you, then you need to seek out The Persecutor (if you haven’t already got one) but also The Rescuer.
  3. The Rescuer: a big ball of guilt, who needs someone to help, because when you’re the hero to others then you don’t have to deal with your own feelings of anxiety or displacement. The Rescuer appears to be The Victim’s saviour from The Persecutor, but actually cements the others in their negative behaviours – almost giving them permission to stay as the bully or the bullied as it makes everyone feel that they have a purpose.

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Justice

true peace is not merely the absence of tension.  it is the presence of justice. ~ martin luther king, jr.

While you should explore all legal recourse to get justice, the only way to truly ‘punish’ perpetrators is by not allowing them any satisfaction of achieving their ultimate motive.

Stand tall as much as you can and live a better life than they ever will.

What will be worse for them is to seethe in desperation when they see you bounce back to a life which they thought you would never ever live.

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The Victim Archetype

(Everyone has this Archetype).

Light:

Prevents you from

letting yourself be victimized, or victimizing others.

Shadow:

Playing the Victim for positive feedback in the form of pity.

Inability to maintain personal boundaries.

The negative traits of the Victim are self-evident. But when properly recognized, it can be a tremendous aid in letting us know when we are in danger of letting ourselves be victimized, often through passivity but also through rash or inappropriate actions.

We need to develop this clarity of insight, however, and that means learning the nature and intensity of the Victim within.

It can also help us to see our own tendency to victimize others for personal gain.

In its shadow manifestation, the Victim tells you that you are always taken advantage of and it’s never your fault.

We may like to play the Victim at times because of the positive feedback we get in the form of sympathy or pity. Our goal is always to learn how to recognize these inappropriate attitudes in ourselves or others, and to act accordingly.

We are not meant to be victimized in life, but to learn how to handle challenges and outrun our fears.

In establishing contact with your own inner Victim, ask yourself:

  • Do I blame others for the circumstances of my life?
  • Do I spend time in the pit of self-pity?
  • Do I envy others who always seem to get what they want out of life?
  • Do I feel victimized by others when situations don’t work out the way I wanted them to?
  • Do I tend to feel more powerless than powerful?

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Movies Portraying the ‘Victim’

Watching movies related to one of your core archetype especially when going through the process of healing is a powerful tool to help you understand yourself (your motivations, your passions, your fears – why you behave the way you do).

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SilverGirl