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A Calming Exercise For Anytime You Have To Meet New People

Here's how to shrink the stress bundle, and expand like the sky in three minutes flat.

Even if you’re a chatterbox like me, the truth is that your energy speaks louder than your words, so understanding the power of your energy and thoughts is important. Many people take it for granted—they think that if they say and do all the right things, people will like them.

But we all pick up on each other’s energy; even if it happens only on a subconscious level, we can tell when someone’s words or actions don’t reflect their energy. It’s important to accept the power of your thoughts and feelings in order to learn how to leave a positive and powerful energy impression.

Before you enter any environment where you’ll be sharing your energy with others, use the following exercise for clearing your energy field and enhancing your magnetism.

Start by taking a deep, full breath, expanding your diaphragm, and on the exhale, release the breath while your diaphragm contracts. Continue this cycle of deep breathing as you clear your mind and set positive intentions.

Say to yourself, “I choose to remove any negative energy I’ve been holding onto. I choose to retrieve all the positive energy around me and within me. My intention is to share my positive energy with the world.”

With your breath and positive intentions, you can completely shift your mood and set yourself up to share your greatness with everyone you meet. Leaving a positive energy impression will serve you in many ways.

While it can greatly help you in connecting with others, the most important benefit is that you will feel a greater sense of support and life-flow. This principle will help you clear your energy before you enter a new situation so that you can always leave a positive impression.

Practice this the next time you enter a room. Whether you’re meeting with someone you know very well or with a complete stranger, simply test-drive this exercise so you can access it at all times.

This is an exclusive excerpt from Gabrielle Bernsteins’s new book, Miracles Now.

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Fear: A Self Imposed Prison And How To Overcome It

If you suffer from anxiety or phobias, you perception of danger keeps you from facing those things causing your anxiety. This keeps you in a prison of your own making. If you are in a job that you do not find satisfying, do not like doing, or does not meet your needs, fear of the unknown (or failure or success) keeps you from taking the steps to change your job or career. If you are living somewhere you do not like, fear of the unknown keeps you from exploring other places to live that might be more to your liking. If you are in a bad relationship, fear of being alone or the unknown keeps you from ending that relationship in order to make room for other options.

If you fear dealing with an issue or truly experiencing your emotions, you avoid them with some self-destructive behavior rather than work through the issue. Fear of conflict keeps us from being honest with others and keeps us from resolving our issues with others. The result is that our needs our not being met. In order to live the life you really want, you need to face and other overcome what you fear.

Overcoming Fear

It is important to recognize that fear is one of many emotions we experience. The type of fear that keeps us imprisoned is based on what might happen at some future time. “I might fail. I might look stupid. I might be rejected.” When something we fear is avoided it will increase the amount of control this emotion has over our actions and our lives. The longer we avoid doing something, the more fear we have of doing it. This avoidance has a negative effect on self esteem and can also affect other parts of our lives. Avoiding the things we fear can be based on a belief of not being good enough…this is simply not true. There can be a snowball effect further inhibiting our ability to have a full and rewarding life. Therefore, the first step in overcoming a fear is to recognize that it is just a feeling and based on some imagined threat.

The second step is to challenge the validity of the fear and what real harm if any would result in facing what we fear. We tend to think of the worst possible outcome. That is highly unlikely to happen. Focusing on how facing the things you fear might improve your life or enable you to reach your goals is extremely helpful. For example: If you have social anxiety, introducing yourself to someone you are attracted to would give you the opportunity to know that person. Allowing your fears to control your behavior will be another missed opportunity to have what you want in your life.

Finally, avoid as much of the anticipator fear as possible. When you are facing the thing you fear, acknowledge and even embrace your fear. It is normal to experience some anxiety when doing something for the first time or something we believe to have risks. Trying to repress or ignore an emotion can increase its intensity. Be in the moment and do not judge your feelings. The more often you engage in an activity you fear, the less anxiety provoking it will become.

We are all capable of accomplishing so much more than we can imagine. Overcoming a fear enables us to have the confidence to tackle other challenges. It improves feelings of self worth and self esteem. It gives us the opportunity to have more of things we want in our lives and to improve the quality of our lives.

Author’s Bio:

I am a Counselor, Life Management and Relationship Coach, Board Certified Sexologist. I have been counseling individuals and couples for nearly 20 years. I have also worked with clients throughout the country via the internet on Skype for several years. Distance counseling and coaching is becoming more accepted and is as effective as face to face. My focus is to provide solution focused and judgment-free counseling/coaching.
I have both experience and training in sex therapy, cognitive-behavioral therapy, trauma resolution, and addiction counseling. I continue to add to my skills. Prior to having a full time private practice I worked in both Inpatient and Intensive Outpatient programs. My goal with all my clients is to help them achieve a more rewarding and fuller life.

Please visit my website for more information. www.alttherapist.org.

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Social Animals

love it... sooo true

We are social animals who need friends.

We need a community to survive.

Friends are made on the basis of trust, which only grows if you are kind to people. Exploiting, cheating and bullying others will win you no friends.

Kindness and compassion gives rise to self confidence, which in turn empowers you to be honest, truthful and transparent. This self-confidence brings peace of mind, which also favours good health.

~ Dalai Lama

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Studies Link Social Anxiety To High IQs, Empathetic Ability, & Sentinel Intelligence

A passive aggressive news report from the Daily Mail titled “Spiritual people are more likely to be mentally ill (but at least they think life has more meaning)” took a jab at spiritual people as if to say “They’re crazy, but at least they think life is more important to them”.

A report by The Telegraph also covered the same story, claiming that spiritual people struggle to cope with things mentally.  Now, could it be possible that the reason spiritually-minded people have more mental health issues and anxiety problems is not because they are looney, but because they are more connected to what is happening in the world?

What if they are more aware of the things that are wrong with society and are more connected to the suffering in the world?  What if an anxious mind is a searching and connected mind? A very important study came out a few years ago linking social anxiety to increased empathetic abilities.  People who report suffering from social anxiety have an increased ability to feel and interpret the emotions and mental states of people around them.  As the study concluded:

Results support the hypothesis that high socially anxious individuals may demonstrate a unique social-cognitive abilities profile with elevated cognitive empathy tendencies and high accuracy in affective mental state attributions.

In other words, people who have social anxiety are able to more tangibly feel the emotions of people around them.  Many many people who consider themselves to be “conscious” or “spiritual” also report feeling social anxiety and experience things like depression and other mental disorders. But as it turns out, people who suffer from anxiety may also be more intelligent.

Studies link anxiety to intelligence

One research study out of Lakehead University discovered that people with anxiety scored higher on verbal intelligence tests.  People who reported having General Anxiety Disorder and depression actually scored higher on verbal-linguistic testing.  Another study conducted by the Interdisciplinary Center Herzliya in Israel found that people with anxiety were better than others at maintaining directed focus while overcoming a primary threat as they are being bombarded by numerous other smaller threats, thereby significantly increasing their chances of survival.

What’s interesting is that the same research team also discovered that people with anxiety showed signs of “sentinel intelligence”, meaning they were able to detect real threats that were not yet detectable to others (i.e. test participants with anxiety were able to detect the smell of smoke long before others in the group).  Is it possible that anxiety is actually an evolutionary advantage?  Could anxiety act as a biological superpower that helps us solve problems, avoid threats, and detect danger?

Another research study from the SUNY Downstate Medical Center in New York revealed that people with severe cases of GAD (general anxiety disorder) had much higher IQ’s than those who had more mild cases. The theory is that “an anxious mind is a searching mind,” meaning that people with anxiety are constantly analyzing, assessing, formulation ideas, reflecting, and processing information.

As Dr. Jeremy Coplan said about his study, “While excessive worry is generally seen as a negative trait and high intelligence as a positive one, worry may cause our species to avoid dangerous situations, regardless of how remote a possibility they may be.”  So once again, we have evidence that people with “mental health disorders” are actually more intelligence on average.

And as mentioned previously, a recent study  found that people with social anxiety exhibit elevated mentalizing and empathetic abilities.  Essentially, they have a much higher psycho-social awareness.

What this means

Yes, people who are spiritually minded tend to suffer from anxiety and depression more.  But this is because their eyes are open to a world that is in need of repair.  They literally have an increased ability to feel the emotions of people around them.

Not to mention, the same people that are assumed to be crazy for having social anxiety and other mental disorders test higher on certain intelligence tests, IQ tests, and have an evolutionary advantage in being able to detect threats before other people.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t people who can accurately feel, interpret, and mentalize the thoughts and emotions of others and detect threats before other people called ‘intuitives’ and ‘psychics’?  Could it be possible that having social anxiety and general anxiety disorder is NOT actually a disorder but is a product of having a stronger intuition, more accurate interpretations on people’s states, a sensitive energy field, and an increased ability to detect danger?

These scientific studies shine a whole new light on spirituality and social anxiety.  Don’t be afraid to feel what you feel, and don’t let anyone call you crazy because of it.  Perhaps what we are calling a disorder is actually a gift.

Steven Bancarz

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“I Am Safe”

Social Anxiety And Setting Boundaries

I came home, read my emails and felt a sense of dread as another man has private messaged me from the group.

It’s stressed me out.

It’s hard for me to remain calm in these situations. I have issues with men… I have been traumatized by men.

As I start socializing with a mixed gender group obviously I’m going to have to learn how to deal with males.

I didn’t mind talking to them at the group .. but privately after I have barely spoken to them – isn’t that weird…? I guess I start getting scared. It’s not a conscious thing, somehow I’m triggered.. I can only assume those who trigger me are the ones that aren’t safe for me.. I guess I am learning self protection at 47!!

I have never liked male attention, some women thrive in it. The minute I grew a set of boobs  – I suddenly felt like I had packs of dogs around me.

I attracted the ones that were charming, controlling, emotionally stunted, immature, incapable of love, treated women like objects, damaged..

I had terribly low self esteem. I had been seriously emotionally neglected in my childhood. Being seriously neglected by men in my adulthood became my established ‘normal’.

I guess I was conditioned to expect and accept breadcrumbs.

I logically know not all men are like that. There are good men, but I haven’t met them. I have never in my life had a male as a friend.. so this is definitely foreign to me.

I need to remind myself ..

I need to connect, I want healthy connections, I deserve good friends – males and females, I deserve people who get me and love me and I can handle this in healthy ways.

I am safe, I can set boundaries and I can protect myself – emotionally, psychically and psychologically.

Whatever I ‘see’ is okay…  I can be objective on what I see and I can make calm, healthy and rational decisions based on my intuition rather than letting it get out of hand and stress me out..

I am okay

Nobody is going to hurt me

I can take care of myself

I am safe

SG x

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Own Your Story

Love this by Brene Brown. We all have a story, a past and shadow aspects of ourselves in our psyche. Getting honest with yourself and having the courage to face personal challenges is shitty work. It’s often exhausting, confusing and painful.

It’s a risk to be honest and vulnerable, we all have our dark side and our little secrets that we could expose.

Being brave enough to acknowledge them (bring them to the light) is the start of healing them.

Recently I joined a friendship group for people with social anxiety. I am the vulnerable one in the group, the open book – I’m sure most of the time I look like a complete goof because I say things others wouldn’t dare. Stuff that’s usually hush hush..

.. It’s a risk being open … but every week after the group ends someone stays on and chats with me, often for 3 hours or more.

I love it and I think somehow I’ve made them feel completely safe to be open also.

We all seem to help each other in our own unique way :o)

So get out there and be you, flaws and all..

Love & baby steps,

SG x