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The Verbally Abusive Relationship

“The great tragedy in a verbally abusive relationship is that the partner’s efforts to bring reconciliation, mutual understanding and intimacy are rejected out of hand by the abuser because to him they are adversarial. This is so because if he isn’t feeling power over his partner, he is feeling that she must be trying to overpower him. There is no mutuality in his reality.”

~ The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans

not letting it out:

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I Come From A Family Of Emotional Bullies

My father, 2 sisters, ex husband, adult son and daughter are all emotional bullies. It’s ‘my way or the highway’ with them. Over the years I have been repeatedly emotionally bullied, rejected and ostracized by my ‘loved ones’. You become use to it because since birth it’s always been your family’s way  .. it’s ‘normal’ to you.

Bullying causes emotional disorders in it’s victims – so if you suffer from depression look into whether you are a victim of emotional bullying in your family or intimate relationships. The bullies always consider you the poor little weak one in the family (but actually you are the strongest one..)

It was a light bulb moment to recognize I come from a family (a whole pack) of cowards/ bullies (bullies are always cowards incapable of addressing their own fears)..

I can’t believe what they have put me through. But I do know I am braver and stronger than any of them, and I’m pretty sure they know it too..

Bullies run in families. If one of your parental ‘role-models’ was a bully or a coward there is a chance you could become either one and carry on that family ‘role’.

My family ostracized me as a pack. I use to view them as the people I loved the most in the world but I now see them as a pack – yep a pack of cowards!

I have exposed them. It will be interesting to see who comes forward to makes some changes… so far no one has. My father hasn’t replied and my daughter told me she never wants to see me again.

I am so fine with that.. I get to live a life free of abuse with or without them. I also get to free myself of chronic heartache and depression.

I deserve to be treated with love and respect.

From now on it’s ‘my way or the highway’ regarding my family. If they push my boundaries and try to emotionally bully me they can hit the road..

I will choose my health, emotional stability, well-being.. well my LIFE over my family any day.

BullyingVictims_zpsb2948cff

Love & baby steps to you,

SG x

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The Silent Treatment

The silent treatment is a well used emotional control tactic in my family.
Yep..  nothing hurts like ‘the big shut down’.
 And every time it seems to be me that re-opens the lines of communication. I also seem to be the one in the most pain from this tactic while everyone else continues to function..
No wonder I suffer from depression…
Right now my adult son and father are not speaking to me. There was no fight or argument. It’s that they wanted and expected me to do things they thought I should do and I didn’t … then I never heard from them..
My father I haven’t heard from for a few months now – my mother says he’s disappointed in me. Reason being that my business isn’t ready yet and he feels it should be, and my son only sees me on special occasions and doesn’t reply to my emails, I think he’s annoyed that I didn’t put my house on the market when he feels I should – but really who knows if he doesn’t talk?..
It’s painful and it makes me stressed and depressed. I withdraw out of the hopelessness of the situation.
Often the communication to heal things feels hopeless and difficult even when I try to be diplomatic and understanding. And then it happens again – there is always a next time..
In the past I use to apologize just to mend the rift. My family aren’t good on apologies..
I need to talk to them about how all this makes me feel, the emotional distress and dysfunction, control tactics (best not imply the word control – that will not impress them)..
They are people that if you accidentally say one word out of context you’re shut down again. I re-read my emails and think they are kind, open-hearted and beautiful but still it doesn’t work.. maybe I am too emotional for them (actually the real problem is that I’m emotional and they are not!) it ruffles their feathers and upsets their schedules and life they don’t like that – denial is their way of living – ha.. meantime I’m depressed for months..
Healthy communication and how to express your feelings without hurting people is vital … but really do I have to be the family teacher? Can they change and do they care?
Why is healthy communication and expression so hard to heal in narcissistic families.. and can I actually fix/ change/ expose things without shaming or blaming anyone .. and why should I???
 Really I just want to scream you pack of pathetic, weak losers you have tortured me for years with your control tactics and then pack my bags and leave for good. Maybe that will shake them up.. maybe the need the truth and they need to lose me.
I dream about finding people who understand the importance of healthy communication and are willing to work at it rather than shut down or run away.
 Getting angry about it just causes more problems.
I don’t think I can trust my family to ever stop or heal this dysfunctional behavior.
Expressing our feelings in a healthy manner is essential to be free of depression.
Should I keep trying  – I think not..
Ibeth in the comments section has given me the best advice… Ignore them, they won’t change and it’s not my place to heal them, it’s theirs.
Focus all your energy into something healthy… helping others, healthy living, create your life your way, mix with people that don’t cause stress and anxiety in you….’get out of the unhealthy system’.
YESSSS…
Thank you ‘Ibeth’
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Are You Being Robbed Of Your Well-Being

Abuse in any form robs a person of their well-being

abuse.....STOP IT!!!!!!!!!!

Psychological/ Emotional Abuse

Psychological/ Emotional abuse is considered the number one worst kind of abuse.

Not many people are aware of this. Most think of abuse as being physical.. and that is where the trap lies. You think if he/ she didn’t hit you then it isn’t abuse. Think again. Emotional abuse causes invisible wounds, but real wounds to your mind, your personality and your spirit. You can loose your potential and your self esteem.

Physical wounds can heal, these wounds take much longer.

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