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Keeping Yourself Safe

Escaping A Narcissist

The most dangerous time for a abused woman is when she leaves her abuser or threatens to leave.

Do not take this lightly. This is the time when most women are violently attacked or killed. Whether they have ever hit you or not is irrelevent, if he is controlling you and shows the warning signs below, he can be very dangerous.

The sudden fear of abandonment and his losing control of you .. can cause the narcissist to go into a ‘narcissistic rage’.

Have a plan, a strategy, take your time (my escape plan took 6 months of planning). Find a safe house, support, a counsellor who specializes in abuse and trauma – they can help with a plan prior to your escape and emotionally support you, go to a battered women’s shelter, have a talk, get advice, be smart, get into survival mode, save whatever money you can, sell things  – Remember psychological abuse is the same as physical abuse and shelters recognize this..  call an abused women’s support line, they are experts. Find the right help, someone who hears you and supports you. If they don’t take you seriously, find another. If they don’t understand the dangers of psychological abuse and narcissists – keep looking until you do find one that does… Don’t remain passive about your survival. When you have reached the point where leaving terrifies you but staying is a death sentence (your fear of staying is greater than your fear of leaving) – you need to start planning and if this means keeping secrets and hiding money for your own survival – so be it.

Remember baby steps..

You can escape, work on changing yourself and the reasons you attract narcissistic partners and have a better future.

I am happy to answers any questions for anyone in this situation.

If you intuitively know you could be in potential physical danger – watch the movies .. Fear with Reese Witherspoon, Enough with Jennifer Lopez, Sleeping with the Enemy with Julia Roberts. They helped me clearly see the danger I was in, and to be careful.

For some time I had to remove myself physically by getting my own place, but I had to wait until he found someone else before he would detach emotionally.

I never wanted to leave him, l did love him but for my own survival and sanity, leaving him was my only option. I sought professional help for my issues but that was never going to be an option for him.

We can dearly love and attract people who are not good for us, especially if we come from a history of childhood neglect, abuse or trauma. The key to change is to change yourself.

x I agree 100% with this. You may need a safety plan to get help. What this really means in practice is living a life in which you are becoming independant  enough(through education or work, learning to drive, saving a little money, saving clothes and your papers) to take care of yourself so when you leave you are stronger and can take care of your basic needs and that of your family.

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Ancestral Healing – Finding a Therapist

Finding a Therapist

Ancestral memories and childhood memories are stored in your cells. These memories can be released and cleared with the help of a therapist who specializes in regression.

Sometimes when people feel stuck or paralyzed in their present life or have mystery illnesses or chronic depression looking backwards can help them clear blocks to move forward. (more info. in ‘Spiritual Healing’ category).

Create your Future

If you do choose to see an ancestral healing or regression therapist, look for one that is professional and preferably qualified. A few psychotherapists may do this work – get online, do some research and make some calls

Alternatively someone with a degree or qualifications from a well known school or a well known mentor. Someone who has written books on the subject or devotes their life to this subject.

Most important is that you get an instant safe vibe from them (energy doesn’t lie), that they have experience and that they understand the concept and importance of ancestral healing.

Bad feeling about things

Pitfalls on the Road

Do not trust just anybody you first come across or that is recommended – trust only yourself and your ability to sense what is safe for you.  Just as you would not trust a substandard or flaky doctor with your physical health, the same principal applies to your spiritual health. Personally I would run a mile if I entered a room filled with weird new agey stuff and an un-grounded spiritual vibe.

A healers job is to make you feel safe. Although well meaning, many healers are unhealed, are spiritually confused or fearful, are not working from the light and should not be attempting to heal or teach others until they fully heal themselves.

Hmm..maybe not!

A healed healer has worked hard on themselves. They have worked through the darkness, through their own shadow sides and fears, have healed their own past, have forgiven others and now know that their spirit and energy is safe in the hands of God. They do not need gimics to protect themselves They are strong and safe already.

This does not mean they are religious fanatics. Their only real religion is love and believing in the power of love and of God.

Look for someone balanced… they look balanced, they feel balanced, their space has good energy and you feel safe. They use their head (they’re intelligent), their heart and their healing instincts in combination.

Additional Emotional Support

As the ancestral issues arise you may require healing your emotions regarding the past as well.

Your spiritual therapist may not be an expert in emotional therapy, so if you feel you require additional emotional support discuss this with your trusted healer (they should sense it anyway). They may be able to recommend someone from their contacts that is an expert and safe, or consider seeking out a friend or counsellor (some sort of talk therapy) and use both in combination.  Again use discernment and seek out safe people. Someone you can discuss anything with (no matter how crazy it sounds  :o) – without judgement.

If you cannot find the right people, pray for guidance and help. Ask that the help you seek comes only from the light and is for your highest good.

And finally…

After you have some answers to the puzzle of your past that make some sense, think about at some stage visiting or exploring what you are drawn to. At first you may be scared and that’s okay – in time you will feel safer and brave enough to go on an adventure, explore, maybe travel around and meet people by following your instincts and internal radar / warning system. If it’s overseas, group tours are an option too.

Before travelling make sure you are in a balanced, healthy, good space and are well grounded. This is important. You will know when the timing feels right and good, because it will feel exciting rather than terrifying :o)

If in doubt – wait…the right time will come.

Journal your dreams or visions. Do research online, read books, slowly put the puzzle pieces together and after your journey has ended come home refreshed and hopefully with a lot less emotional baggage, more clarity and better health :o)

You may just find out a little family history that is both fascinating and healing.

History repeats itself – so be bold – go forth and change it.

Choose to live and create your best life and future – out of love not fear.

Love and baby steps,

SilverGirl