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Comfort Eating

Image result for sad girl eating ice cream

“When I was a child, I didn’t have power over very many things. I didn’t decide when people would hurt me and I couldn’t make it stop. I couldn’t make my mom pay attention to me. But I did find solace in a few things like food. So escaping the pain through food gave me some sense of comfort and control. Back then, that was my only choice. There was no way to improve my life in any real way so numbing the pain was the only option. My goal in life became to go in the opposite direction of the pain since I couldn’t succeed at anything else.”

~ The Rescued Soul by Christina Enevoldsen

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Your Feelings Have Messages for You (So Stop Ignoring Them)

Emotions Talking

“But feelings can’t be ignored, no matter how unjust or ungrateful they seem.” ~Anne Frank

As a sensitive person, I have a complicated relationship with my feelings. They are the sensors I extend out into the world, to pull it in. They are the guides that help me decide what works or doesn’t work for me. But there are also times when my feelings rise with such force that I am left gasping for breath.

Then, I am tempted by the thought that not feeling so much would have definitely made things easier.

And yet, I don’t feel all my feelings. Parts of my emotional life feel numb. For a long time, like many people, expressing anger was extremely difficult for me.

We’re all like this, whether we think of ourselves as sensitive and emotional or logical and rational. Our emotional lives are a patchwork made up of beliefs we have internalized and things that we have seen modeled.

We are never taught how to relate to our emotions, and so, we must make our own way through.

Here are some things I have learned that might help you:

There is no such thing as a negative emotion.

We are trained to think of emotions as positive and negative. But in truth, every emotion serves an important function. What would we be without anger to protect our boundaries? Where would we be without fear that tells us that something is wrong? How can we let go of things if we never allow ourselves to feel sad?

We confuse a negative or destructive expression of a feeling with the feeling itself. Yes, unhealthy expressions can be harmful. But if we banish some feelings and don’t allow them to move through us, we get stuck in places that we belonged to a long time ago.

These are no longer our reality, but we go on living as if they are.

Giving up the belief that certain emotions are okay to feel and certain emotions are not okay is the first step to help us process our emotions.

But many of us don’t even know what is it that we are feeling. How are we supposed to channel something that we can’t even name?

Expanding our emotional vocabulary can tell us where we are in our emotional lives. 

Think about what happened when you first started learning new words. You had access to a whole new universe. You had a way of naming your experience more precisely than you had before.

Cognitive psychologists are now finding that a more precise vocabulary (for example, having specific names for light blues and dark blues, as Russian speakers do) helps make people quicker at identifying subtle differences.

In a similar way, if we can name our emotions precisely, we can identify subtle nuances and hone into what exactly we are feeling. That can help us take the most effective emotional action.

Karla McLaren, the author of the wonderful The Language of Emotions talks eloquently about the different forms in which one single emotion can show up. Did you know that indifference can be a form of anger? So can coldness, resentment, and impatience.

In its mood state, anger can show up as sarcasm and arrogance. And of course, we know anger when it erupts in rage and violence. But bitterness is also an intense form of anger, albeit a hardened, calcified form.

Seeing that anger shows up in different degrees and forms can help us get straight to the heart of the problem.

McLaren tells us that the question anger poses is: What must be protected? What must be restored? If we are feeling resentful or cold, where have we given too much of ourselves away? What can we do to enforce limits that will make us feel protected?

If we do this, we catch anger before it morphs into an even stronger form and becomes harder to deal with. We also stay on course instead of getting lost and disoriented about the direction of our lives. For me, the belief that “Nice people don’t get angry” meant that I stayed in an exploitative work situation for several years.

As soon as anger came up for me, I dropped it. I would work harder, be better till someone noticed me. But what I didn’t realize was that the increasing fear and shakiness that I was feeling was a direct result of rejecting my anger.

How can you not feel scared and insecure when you have opened yourself up to harm?

The fear had risen because I had banished the protective energies of anger. I was, indeed, in undefended psychic territory.

So, fear, another so-called “negative” emotion comes bearing its own important messages.

My fear took the form of confusion and disorientation. Your fear might take some other form, depending on what the situation is.

In its diffuse form, McLaren tells us, fear can be experienced as our caution, uneasiness, or instinct. You might feel disconcerted, doubtful, or concerned that something is off. You might feel jumpy, nervous, or suspicious.

At the root is the same feeling. It’s showing up in different ways, and asking you to probe for answers.

Is the fear natural? Is it tied to something that is happening around you? What can you do about it?

But what if you get stuck in one feeling? What if you have repetitive fearful thoughts that don’t track back to real dangers? Then, it’s likely that your feeling response is locked in place.

This often happens is we have experienced trauma in the past. We remain hyper-vigilant long after the traumatic event is over. If this is the case, we need professional help to release the traumatic material.

But in the normal course of our days, feelings naturally ebb and flow. They direct our attention to what is happening in our lives. They urge us to take action.

Venting and repressing feelings are not the only choices we have. 

But what action should we take? Isn’t that the trickiest part of dealing with feelings?

One of the reasons that I didn’t allow myself to feel anger in my work situation was because I was not sure what I could do with it. Expressing it felt dangerous, because I had stored up so much emotion. Repressing it felt like the only other thing to do.

Many of us get stuck in this tricky space.

We keep hearing that the only way out is through the feeling, but doing that doesn’t seem viable without expressing it and hurting someone or harming something in the process.

One of the ways that I am learning to work with my feelings is to first consciously experience the feeling myself. One way to safely release anger, for example, is to beat pillows for ten minutes or so. That lessens the intensity of the rising emotion.

Another practice that McLaren suggests is called “conscious complaining.” You sit all by yourself and complain loudly about all the things that are going wrong in your life. Again, we are attempting to use up some of the energy of the feeling, and move it out of our systems.

For fear, we can put on some music and imitate the shaky energy of the feeling, and lessen the burden that it is putting on us physically.

Remember that emotions, by their very definition, are energies that move us to take some action. So, a physical release is important.

Something is rising, and we are letting it move us. We are now just choosing that movement consciously.

Once we have released some of the energy of the emotion, we can then think of what action we can take to address the issue that it has brought up. For example, if we are angry, how can we restore the boundary?

One important realization I had about anger was after reading Harriet Lerner’s book The Dance of Anger. In it, she tells us that venting anger is often ineffective. We are trying to convert someone else to our point of view. If they don’t agree to what we are saying, we often get stuck in the space of trying to get them to agree.

Believing that we need agreement is what keeps us stuck. We are, in effect, maintaining the status quo.

If it’s something important to us, a limit we are choosing to place, then we don’t need permission. What we need is the clarity and courage to enforce this limit and to deal with the anxiety that rocking the boat often brings.

This emotional process has been a learning curve for me. It is not easy and I often falter. But whenever I can experience my feelings and move through them, I feel a sense of ease.

I guess it’s because I am not invalidating my experiences. I am owning them, letting them speak their truth.

What about you? What will opening to all your own feelings do for you?

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Do The Reverse – Break Your Cycle

Let ‘joy’ in..showing parts of the face can be a great idea with unfold with hold.I feel heartbroken. When I feel like this, I seem to fall into a pattern. I feel cold and I want to take a bath, I want to eat comforting foods in large proportions, I want a blanket to snuggle up in, maybe I’ll watch a movie that cheers me up, or maybe crawl into bed and attempt to sleep away my sadness.

A large part of my life (the majority) I have felt sad. After watching the movie ‘Inside Out’ I guess it would be true to say my dominant emotion developed in childhood is sadness or depression .. and not much gets done on sad days..

But what if I change my pattern. When I’m heartbroken or sad, what if I do things differently.. what if I get up and clean my house, walk my dog, put beautiful calming or re-energizing music on my ipod, what if I choose to react differently and to change my life long pattern (my programme..)

Being hurt is part of life. People will hurt me.. intentionally or not, I cannot avoid that, but I can change my reaction. I can be sad but I don’t have to drown.. or let it sink me.

I believe we are programmed from childhood (see movie ‘inside Out’) and those of us with too many sad, traumatic or painful early childhood memories lose the ability to manage our emotions well, restore our equilibrium and find the positivity in life and the joy in things.. We lose our balance and we are triggered again and again towards those old feelings of sadness.

Low level sadness becomes our normal..

In adult hood we have to ‘change our programming’ and actively let positivity and joy into our life.

So I’m going to fight the overwhelming urge to eat and sleep. It’s not working for me and as much as I know it’s not my fault that I behave this way, it’s not making my life better or easier.

I know I want more and I know I deserve a better life. I’m going to get up and seek something healthier and joyful. A friend, a park, a beach, a walk,  a drive, clean the windows, wash the linen, get in the garden.. something active instead of passive..

I’ve got a little metal sculpture of a woman with her arms outstretched standing at the top of a pinnacle. I’m going to put it next to my bed as a reminder to change my programme and to choose something healthier…

Something has to change..

And it’s my visual reminder to change my programme.

Love & baby steps,

SG x

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Crying is Cathartic

Crying cleanses the Soul

Let it out

The average person goes through his day accumulating conflicts and resentments. Sometimes they gather inside the limbic system of the brain and in certain corners of the heart. Crying is cathartic. It lets the devils out, before they wreak all kind of havoc with the nervous and cardiovascular systems.

“All these feelings need to be felt. We need to stomp and storm; to sob and cry; to perspire and tremble.”

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Steps to Emotional Recovery

Don't cry

“Pain (any pain–emotional, physical, mental) has a message. The information it has about our life can be remarkably specific, but it usually falls into one of two categories: “We would be more alive if we did more of this,” and, “Life would be more lovely if we did less of that.” Once we get the pain’s message, and follow its advice, the pain goes away.” ~ Peter McWilliams

Have you noticed how afraid we all are of feeling any emotional pain? And how we would do anything in our power to avoid it? Nobody wants it. We all try to get rid of it. We all try to hide and run away from it, and the irony is that the more we try to reject and resist it, the more intense it gets and the longer it stays with us.

Its ok to feel

Allowing emotions is healthy~ working through emotions is love of self~ soul~O

We all have our ups and downs. We all experience emotional pain from time to time. But that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with us. It doesn’t mean we’re ‘broken’ or ‘defective’. On the contrary. It only shows that we are human. That we have feelings and emotions.

For 10 years,  I got bashed for my emotions. I will never again let someone tell me not show emotions or cry. I'll be damn!!!

Today I would like to share with you 12 tips for recovering from emotional pain. So that you can continue living your life in peace and harmony and do the things you so much enjoy doing.

1. Embrace with grace all that you face.

“Everything you are against weakens you. Everything you are for empowers you.” ~ Wayne Dyer 

Let go of any feelings of anger, disgust or frustration you might have towards yourself, your emotional pain and your current reality. Resist nothing. Embrace with grace all that you face. Surrender to what is. Accept what you’re going through. All your thoughts, feelings and frustrations. Accept your emotional pain as if you have chosen it. 

i am not fine at all

2. Give yourself time.

It takes time to drive out the darkness from our minds and our hearts. It takes time to accept the presence of emotional pain into our lives. So give yourself time. Time to rest, time to heal and time to fully recover. Be gentle with yourself and trust that everything happens exactly as it’s supposed to happen. 

I remember feeling this way every day .. All I needed was that time to heal myself. Time to grow. Time to learn. Time to realize. People need time and patience.

Everything is going to be ok in the end. If it's not ok, it's not the end #PICHICHI #Mentality

3. Let go of control – Allow

“There is a time for being ahead, a time for being behind; a time for being in motion, a time for being at rest; a time for being vigorous, a time for being exhausted; a time for being safe, a time for being in danger. The Master sees things as they are, without trying to control them. She lets them go their own way, and resides at the center of the circle.” ~ Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching 

Emotional Fatigue

Always...M.E. is horrible.  It isn't 'fatigue' or 'tiredness', it is complete exhaustion.

IT IS TIME TO REST ~ "It is an ever living battle to remind myself that I am enough, you are enough…we have done enough, we have enough, we will always have enough…we know enough……etc……….that ENOUGH BATTLE is the one that never lets us rest" Melody via her BraveGirlsClub blog entry: ….rest is not weakness…..

Please refrain yourself from making comments like: “I have been feeling like this for far too long. I should be fine by now.  Why does it take so long for this pain to be gone?” and so on. Allow things to follow their natural course. Allow yourself to heal at your own pace. Let go of the need to control the healing process. Let go of the need to speed up your recovery.

4. Suffer consciously.

Observe your emotional pain, your anguish and frustrations. Observe the constant stream of negative thoughts that run through your mind. The dreadful stories that keep feeding your pain, but choose not to identify yourself with them. See yourself as the one who’s observing all that emotional pain and all that discomfort. But don’t make the pain part of who you are. Don’t make it your person life story. Don’t claim it as your own.

#AWAKENINGWOMEN: It is safe to feel emotions.   www.kimberleyjones.com  Beautiful image created by my graphics angel, Jennifer Cairns   Daybreak Design   Info@daybreakdesign.ca

“Suffering consciously is when you feel, sense and accept the suffering. It is not suffering anymore it is just pain. To be suffering you must have an unhappy me with a story and the world that is doing it to me.” ~ Eckhart Tolle

It's OK to Feel Bad  Go ahead and admit it. You have to acknowledge your disappointment in order to get past it and move on!

5. Love your pain away – Self Care

Nobody likes to be in the presence of pain. We all want to get rid of it. To run as far away from it as we possibly can. But there are times when pain demands our presence, our focus and attention. There are times when pain demands to be felt. So take the time to know your emotional pain. To nourish it, to understand it. Don’t curse your pain. Love your pain and it will go away.

Be gentle on yourself, you are hurting.

Be kind.

Love Yourself print by Lim Heng Swee (I had to source this image myself before I repinned it. Remember, folks -- DON'T REPIN WITHOUT A PROPER SOURCE!)

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” ~ Martin Luther King,

6. Give time, time.

“Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.” ~ Regina Brett

It takes time to drive out the darkness from our minds and from our hearts. It takes time to heal our wounds and accept the presence of emotional pain into our lives. So give time, time.

don't take these moments for granted

7. Spend time alone with yourself.

When you love someone, you spend private time with that person, quality time. And in the dark moments of our lives, when pain is present in our hearts and in our minds, spending time alone with ourselves is one of the best gift we can give to ourselves.  

Take the time to be alone with yourself. To acknowledge, love and appreciate the parts of you that are beautiful. To love yourself and to know yourself. To rest, time to heal and to fully recover from all that you are feeling.

Hold on to that cozy feeling

“Your light is seen, your heart is known, your soul is cherished by more people than you might imagine. If you knew how many others have been touched in wonderful ways by you, you would be astonished. If you knew how many people feel so much for you, you would be shocked. You are far more wonderful than you think you are. Rest with that. Rest easy with that. Breathe again. You are doing fine. More than fine. Better than fine. You’re doin’ great. So relax. And love yourself today.” ~ Neale Donald Walsch

8. Reach out for help and support.

“Surround yourself with people who make you happy. People who make you laugh, who help you when you’re in need. People who genuinely care. They are the ones worth keeping in your life. Everyone else is just passing through.” ~ Karl Marx (composer)

12 unexpected things to make someones day

Reach out for emotional help and support from those you love and trust. Surround yourself with cheerful and happy people. People who can make you laugh, who can make you see how beautiful life is and who can show you that there’s always something to look forward to.

9. Let nature heal and comfort you. 

“One has to be alone, under the sky, Before everything falls into place and one finds his or her own place in the midst of it all. We have to have the humility to realize ourselves as part of nature.” ~ Thomas Merton

Spend more time outdoors and Look outside in nature for evidence of decay, destruction and death. Of rebirth, rejuvenation, and renewal. And remind yourself that you too are part of nature. Allow nature to be your wise friend, teacher and companion. Allow nature to heal and comfort you. To teach you more about the infinite circle of life. About birth, life, death, rebirth and about yourself.

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10. Claim nothing as your own.

Love everything but cling on to nothing. Make peace with this idea that nothing in this life lasts forever, that nothing is yours to keep. Live each day as if it were your last. Each moment as if it were your only moment. Make the best of everything life sends your way and waste no time on arguing against what is.

“Most of our troubles are due to our passionate desire for and attachment to things that we misapprehend as enduring entities.” ~ Dalai Lama

Sometimes you've got to let go of what distracting you.

“A person who lives moment to moment, who goes on dying to the past, is never attached to anything. Attachment comes from the accumulated past. If you can be unattached to the past every moment, then you are always fresh, young, just born. You pulsate with life and that pulsation gives you immortality. You are immortal, only unaware of the fact.” ~ Osho

11. Turn your wounds into wisdom. 

Every experience that comes your way, comes your way for a reason. Seek to know what that reason is. Seek to learn from every painful experience and every painful interaction life sends your way. Be an alchemist. Turn your wounds into wisdom and your difficulties into opportunities. Let your pain make you better, not bitter.

kushandwizdom

“Out of clutter, find simplicity. From discord, find harmony. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.” ~ Albert Einstein

12. No pain is forever. 

If you’re still alive, if you’re still breathing, it only means that there’s still a lot of life for you out there. A lot of places for you to go to, many new and exciting things to do, to learn and to love. So pick yourself up. Dust yourself off, and start all over again. Start rebuilding your life and make it ridiculously amazing. Don’t let a bad and painful experience make you feel like you have a bad and painful life. Don’t let a rainy day dampen your fun. Never forget that the Sun always shines above the clouds. It’s always up there.

No love like self love...it highers standards

“Our real blessings often appear to us in the shape of pains, losses and disappointments; but let us have patience and we soon shall see them in their proper figures.” ~ Joseph Addison

Source: “12 Tips for Recovering from Emotional Pain,” from purposefairy.com, by Luminita D. Saviuc