The Coward
your plaything
your latest conquest
your words were like honey
did you feel powerful?
trapping yet another vulnerable woman
seduced and spellbound
what a cruel torture
to awaken love
your own fears
only to starve it.
=============
keep running my dear coward
and forever be pitied
find your courage my dear man
and forever be loved
I was strong
to do all you commanded
I was weak
to make that choice
I was brave
to face your twisted mind
I was fearful
of your retaliation
I was beautiful
but you did not see
I was ugly
as you made me
I was loving
to your unlove
I was generous
to your selfishness
I was soft
to your hard heart
I was flexible
to your inflexibility
I was sweet
to your bitterness
I was gentle
to your callousness
I was stable
to your insanity
I was creative
to your destruction
I was light
for you to extinguish
I was hope
for you to disbelieve
I was peace
to your terrible violence
I was honesty
to your lies
I was intelligent
before I met you
I was stupid
as you made me feel
I was whole
and you took it all
I was broken
and you crushed the…
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It’s 5 am.
I’m in bed in the dark typing away on my laptop. I’m crying. I’m so sad.
Sad doesn’t describe my sad.
I don’t have the words.
My nose is stuffed up and the tears have dripped down my face and on my dressing gown.
I’m letting go of something. What is it?
A dream I think.
A dream I had fought a long and hard battle for.
A dream that I cannot realize.
I’m not giving up the fight, I’m letting it go
Continuing the fight will only destroy me
I suppose there is finally a sense of peace
A sense of defeat
A sense of surrender
Accepting futility
Accepting reality
I adapt
I move on
I think most people hate that little voice
The one that speaks the truth
Do we want to hear it?
Maybe not
I hate my job..
I’m not fulfilled..
My partner’s not my match ..
Paralyzed by our greatest fears
We drown it out
Sugar, caffeine, tobacco, religion, drugs, alcohol, sex, work, technology
So many choices
So many ways to silence that voice
So many ways to stop feeling and thinking freely
Avoiding pain
We escape
Foolishly believing we are free
Numb
We begin to believe that others know what’s best for us
Subconscious deception?
We hold on
We hang in
We sacrifice
We wither..
Weakened
We hand over our power
We hand over our souls
Fear has won
SilverGirl
I’m feeling a pull today.
The pull is demanding action from me.
I can’t hear anything – it’s just a knowing.
It’s strong.
Damn – it’s time isn’t it.
I had hoped it was all a dream.
I want to sleep, hide, run, keep warm, avoid.
For ten years I have done just that.
Trying to hold onto my life, my family, my reality.
Was what I saw real?
I remember now, I accepted something..
Damn – what a fool!
I don’t want this.. not little old me.
Damn soul.
I have lost everything I love trying to hold on, keep safe, control my life.
I have lost people’s respect trying to play small.
I tried hard to make my life ‘normal’.
I wanted normal.
Damn again.
I am reluctant.
I am scared.
But I’ve run out of choices.
It must be big to have paralyzed me for ten years.
It’s all my dreams and fears combined.
I know I can do some good
I guess it’s time
I guess I’m ready
I guess I’m brave
I guess I’m strong
I know I’m not alone.
There are others feeling the same way.
I hope I find them soon
My kin
My family
Because I need you,
I think we need each other.
“Desiderata” (Latin: “desired things”) is a 1927 prose poem by American writer Max Ehrmann. Largely unknown in the author’s lifetime, the text became widely known after its use in a devotional and after spoken-word recordings in 1971 and 1972.
‘Take charge of your life…or someone else will’
