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When Life Robs You..

Mental Illness

Mental Health is an industry..

An industry trying to sell an unsuspecting public on the idea that the way to ‘fix’ unwanted behaviour and feelings is with a brain chemistry altering pill.

These pills are now named ‘lifestyle’ drugs..

So now you can live your life in a way that is not ‘your truth’ and not feel too bad about it.

And after all if everybody’s doing it then it must be okay.

Maybe I have a problem with the way they are marketed, or that people use them long term without making changes in their lives.. believing their minds are deficient in some way..

So why do I felt so strongly …  because I suffered from chronic depression for 40+ years and I learnt a great deal..

The real problem is we were not born to be mindless sheep.. we were born to have personal power.

Some of us lost ours…  some very early on due to abuse, neglect, trauma, others guilt or bad decisions or a combination.

… life has robbed us..

I have always found people who experience depression or emotional, spiritual or psychological suffering to be deep thinkers, highly intelligent, visionaries, idealists, creatives, sensitives, salt of the earth types.

They ‘see’ things as they really are but all too often they remain passive to change anything. Often out of fear or that they allow themselves to get pulled along by the wolves of this world.

They fail to see the power they truly have and end up instead ‘willing victims’. They conform and lose their voice.

This causing internal unrest, distress and confusion- really a great lack of inner peace, as they are not being true to themselves or their beliefs or even who they really are..

Being a sheep is never a great option for those of vision.. that indeed would make you depressed, distressed, and have your mind fluctuating between what is right for you and what is wrong for you..

I have alway seen them as the sensitive good in an often evil world. I see them as people who have important gifts.

I just wish they could see themselves as that and get up, get constructively angry, look at the big picture on what they need to heal and go on to make their own small but significant mark in this crazy and often evil world.

Maybe they need that as motivation to get up, to heal their life, to change, to live their dream and to take back their personal power.. than some ‘lifestyle’ pill.

People suffering with depression and mental confusion need to allow themselves the time and space to heal. They need courage and encouragement, love, warmth, understanding, compassion, someone trustworthy to hear them, to look into their pasts, to gain self respect, self love, self compassion and self confidence and to take back their power.. and live their dreams.. whether that be to assist others in some healing way, bring beauty into this world, or love and compassion, make healthy changes in industry, politics, medical fields etc..

Your vision is needed..

Love and baby steps,

SilverGirl

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Narcissists and Sycophants: A Marriage Made in Hell

The psychopath and the sycophant (“psycho fan”)960

Rantings and Ravings

Whether we realize it or not, we all have at least one narcissist in our lives. In fact, according to authors Jean Twenge, PhD and Keith Campbell, PhD, there is a narcissism epidemic in this country.  (The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement, Free Press, 2009, Twenge PhD., Campbell, PhD.).

After reading this eye opening book I found myself thinking about this subject in general and agree with the authors that narcissism is sweeping our country and wreaking havoc on the personal, social and professional relationships of the masses. Most of us, however, live in denial. We don’t want to view someone we look up to as a narcissist and we certainly don’t want to acknowledge the hold narcissists have on us and on the world at large. We also live in denial about the part we play in the creation of the narcissist and the perpetuation of…

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Why Narcissists Rule The World

.. and why empaths need to heal, take back their power and bring in the balance

First up, narcissists/ sociopaths love and need to be in control, they choose careers where they can wield their power. With their high energy (little emotional attachment to slow them down), they make great delegators, they get the menial workers do their work.

They have some very attractive qualities.. often fearless and high risk takers, they have high energy and the natural ability to handle stress (easier with a less emotional view of people or life). They are capable and ‘get things done’, have strategic minds, exude self confidence, self belief, success and charm. They have the gift of the gab and the ability to attract others with their show of ‘success’, high energy, intellectual strategy and emotional resilience … Like the Donald Trumps of this world, outwardly they are the epitome of success (surrounded by money, beautiful people, flamboyant lifestyle etc..)

They also have faults. Greed, lack of empathy, self absorbed.

The CEOs at the top of greedy large companies are often narcissistic/ sociopathic. Sex, self image, money, success, lifestyle, ‘winning’ and power are of prime importance. The lesser beings working below them are considered ‘menial workers’ (much like personal slaves) .. these poor souls are the ‘willing victims’ of corporate greed. 

These corporate leaders are the decision makers but unfortunately their decisions are not based on ‘seeing’ the bigger picture (because they are not that aware) or on wisdom because they are not that wise, they are based on logic and strategy and ultimately getting their needs met. Basically they are out of balance.

They are the brains albeit no heart or spiritual understanding’ (real empathy for others etc..)

 They tend to choose the easy road rather than the high/ hard road, (basically whatever road gets them more power, more sex, and more success/ money), even if it’s on the out-most fringe of being legal or moral their mind can justify these actions. Basically if there’s a loophole and they can ‘get away with it’, they will do it without batting a eyelid or losing a night’s sleep.

Self absorbed, life to them is a ‘one time opportunity’ and they intend to live big.

Secondly, sociopaths/ narcissists show much higher numbers in areas like company heads (as mentioned) law, media, advertising, journalism, the medical profession (especially surgery), politics, police and armed forces, religion etc..

Those with high empathy tend to chose caring or creative professions –  teachers, therapists, healers, artists, craftsmen/ women, charity workers, stylists, nurses, care givers etc..

So if narcissist/ sociopaths are heading in these areas they are effectively controlling the legal system, the media, the medical profession, police and armed forces, politics, areas of religion etc..

Obviously there are great many healthy and balanced people that can see through the flaws and are making big changes, but it does makes sense of the world today and how especially these professions are lacking in healthy balance, empathy, wisdom, and seeing the bigger picture.

Evolution happens and things will slowly change for the better, I’m confident of that.

But don’t expect the narcissistic to be capable of changing. It’s the empaths that are pushed to change, heal and grow, and this will completely change the dynamics.

The world is healing but much like personal healing, it takes time and baby steps. Heal yourself first, balance yourself. Use your head and your heart and you will be in a power position to help bring back some much needed balance to whatever field you work in.

Take back your voice and your power.

Be the change :o)

SG x

 

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The Verbally Abusive Relationship

“The great tragedy in a verbally abusive relationship is that the partner’s efforts to bring reconciliation, mutual understanding and intimacy are rejected out of hand by the abuser because to him they are adversarial. This is so because if he isn’t feeling power over his partner, he is feeling that she must be trying to overpower him. There is no mutuality in his reality.”

~ The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans

not letting it out:

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Where To Find Support..

… when you have no money, no family, or no friends

Many of us have been neglected our entire lives and are used to surviving on our own, we are used to having no support and we are used to being neglected. We almost expect it, so we continue alone, hoping we can change things alone. We can be too passive and get over-looked. We all need capable support. People who are healed and that can support us in practical ways. People who believe in us and help us believe in ourselves again. People who can get us back into fighting mode. The key is to actively look.

Below are some ideas for where to find support..

Can't do this alone. by noukka

Women’s Centres/Men’s Centres – Essential!I pay only $15 for a counsellor and she’s wonderful. Great advice and support.

 Domestic Abuse phone lines – they are kind, experienced and will chat through and give advice on any problems (even after you got away from your abuser), give you ideas and put you through to other free support in your area.

Online Websites – Depression/ mental health websites, Abuse & Women’s Shelters, Facebook closed groups (Mental Health, Spiritual Emergencies, Highly Sensitive People, Narcissism) – ask around for advice on forums or chat rooms

Citizen’s Advice Bureau – legal questions, any question, also access to other forms of free support

Faith – Yep God, faith and prayer.. excellent support but remember God helps those that help themselves. So have faith AND take action.

Peer support (qualified) – talk to your doctor

Meetup.com groups in your area – (Anxiety groups cover mental health issues).. meetup is more social groups.

Your doctor can advise you of free talk therapy if you’re depressed etc.. There are agencies (other than Mental Health) that offer Government funded support for serious depression or inability to cope.

Any other ideas welcome…

The key is not to give up! Don’t give up if you have no money because you’re on a benefit – there is always free help. Don’t give up when your doctor isn’t helpful or doesn’t understand the depth of your issues, find another Doctor, don’t give up when the counsellor you go to isn’t a fit, keep looking, keep asking.

The key is to actively keep looking until you find the right people to build you up.

SG x

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The Challenges Of Meeting New People

Trying to make opposite sex friends after abusive or codependent relationships

Yesterday I went to the anxiety group meetup and ending up sitting outside with 5 men. Quite a big deal for someone who had a fear of men..

We spent 6 hours together (which was too long but I guess most of us have little to go home to, and were enjoying the connection..)

It was fun, until later when it sank in.

By the time we all left I was feeling fine but I noticed the guys all looked worse for wear. Oops…

Their energy was low and they looked drained. I felt little responsible for what started off as a light and jovial energy (6 hours is a long time for anyone to sit around talking though..)

I actually felt responsible for their emotional state….?? Why did I feel that? Somewhere along the line it got deep, and I’m pretty sure I took it there, but they could have left. They chose to express themselves. So why do I feel I have to leave people feeling they are uplifted and upbeat from talking to me .. I know I find it way harder to see a man in emotional pain than a woman.

Later in the evening I ended up with a headache wondering what had occurred.. then I didn’t sleep (thinking.. thinking.. thinking..) It’s a tape I’m not turning off easily. Suddenly all their words came back to me..

I took a long bath, I did a relaxation technique. I felt a little calmer but still unable to unwind.

I felt neurotic letting this screw me up.

Next day I missed the early morning market because of the fatigue (damn, needed the money..) and then I stayed in today with a migraine from lack of sleep. It’s now 8.30 pm and after processing all that went on in those 6 hours I feel only slightly better.

So what went on.

Well, for a start I have I avoided men like the plague. For 6 years I have almost been in hiding in order to ‘keep safe’, grow stronger, heal and not attract another narcissistic man. Only in the last few weeks have I got out and started being friendly towards men (instead of scared, avoidant and cool). Fact is I was terrified of attracting one. But I am finally feeling completely safe in myself and in my intuition that I can be friendly. make friends and protect myself from the predatory types.

I am an open person, I talk about the deeper stuff and this made it easier for the men to talk about the deeper stuff too. I don’t think they usually do that.

I never acted like a therapist, I wasn’t offering advice or judging. I was just being me and talking. (Maybe I don’t have much of a life and this ‘stuff’ is all I have to talk about).

We found out we are all from dysfunctional families. One guy had young alcoholic parents who split up, one had a mother who had a psychotic break, another had a schizophrenic mother. We all were neglected in some form or other. One had a spiritual emergency at 15 and went through mental health, one has OCD, another was in a serious car accident as a teen and was left nearly paralyzed.

There were some boundary issues, too much advice, a fair amount of judgement ..

A couple of the men listened to my story and then related their own feelings regarding their own mothers on me. I just listened and didn’t react. I realize not to take what they say personally, because it’s not personal, they were just re-living their pain and projecting it on me.

I do know I don’t want to reject them, I don’t want to run from people anymore. I want to accept people.

Two were very forward regarding their attraction towards me. In the real world I’m pretty invisible but they made me feel like hot property. I didn’t feel flattered, because it isn’t really real and it gets in the way of making healthy friendships. One guy was aggressive in his approach the other more frustrated and I get the sense if I’m not willing to be what he wants/ needs he’ll end up rejecting me, almost like he’s created an illusion of me in his own mind.

The aggressive guy was just hoping to hook up with a vulnerable woman to fix all his problems. He’s easy to deal with him. But the frustrated guy I really like as a friend, he’s got a great heart. I have considered messaging him to discuss things a little and set a friendly boundary.

Truth is I don’t want to date, I’m far from it. I just want make deeper healthier connections and friendships. Everyone is painfully misunderstood and painfully lonely. Everyone wants a loving relationship you can feel that, but for now close friendships are loving relationships.

It’s challenging though, maybe I just rehashed the past for everyone.. Ughh!

I’m still questioning whether to go again, or whether the answers lie in staying, setting boundaries with them and with myself, healthy open communication, and that all this is actually very healing even if a little painful at times.

Maybe it’s okay that they opened up and experienced some pain. I guess my fear is that they’ll avoid me as the woman who made them feel too much and brought the energy down :o(

Hopefully I’ll feel better and clearer about things as the migraine clears, as you can see I feel and think a great deal!

I’ll try to focus on my life today. Maybe get in the garden.

Writing it out is therapeutic though and I’ll try to be gentle on myself this is a new experience for me, and maybe for them.

Love SG x

 

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If Someone Hurt You Deeply To Your Soul, This Zombie Analogy Is For You!

Zombie Apocalypse - A3 Home Decor Poster This may keep the kids away....probably not!

By Karen Salmansohn

If someone hurt you deeply to your soul, it’s tempting to want to shut down and shut off – to give in and give up – to get bitter, resentful, depressed – and all before breakfast!

This soul-shutting-down tendency reminds me of those classic zombie horror movies. You know, those unconscious, soulless zombies walking around in darkness, taking bites out of innocent, happy, soulful people? One chomp, then, suddenly, these newly bitten folks find themselves becoming zombie-like themselves. They feel their souls shut down. They crave spending time in darkness. They want to bite others.

Likewise, if you’ve suffered from an emotional zombie bite, it’s temping to want to join the zombie crowd and shut off your soul, seek dark thoughts, and chomp upon another. It’s especially tempting to want to chomp upon the zombie chump who chomped upon you!

Basically, when you’ve been bitten by a zombie, you can find yourself feeling the urge to become zombie-like yourself. But you must resist. You must stay strong. You must keep your soul alive!

How?

First, you must face toward the light – where love, forgiveness, peace, faith, joy, and growth can all be found. All of this light is what keeps your soul alive – and keeps you from becoming an unconscious, soul-dead zombie.

Zombie-like behavior cannot survive in the light. Zombie-like behavior thrives in darkness, with a shut-down soul and well-fed ego – an ego which survives on being right about having the right to be bitter, resentful, and depressed…all before breakfast!

One the biggest sources of light to keep your soul alive is Self-love. And one of the biggest sources of self-love?

Forgiveness.

Forgiveness can start with forgiving yourself for being bitten by a soulless zombie. After all, chances are, the zombie who chomped upon you didn’t look like a zombie. Just like in the movies, these soulless zombies often pass themselves off as normal soulful people.

Next, you have to forgive the zombie who bit you.  Remember, forgiving your zombie will release their poison from your system. Forgiving your zombie will help to make sure you save your soul from shutting down. Forgiving your zombie will make sure you don’t start craving constant dark thoughts. Forgiveness releases the zombie-bite poison from your system.

Remind yourself that your zombie probably became a zombie because a zombie bit them. And the zombie who bit them, was bitten by a zombie. And the zombie who bit them, was bitten by a zombie.

Feel compassion for these zombies—knowing that they, sadly, must walk the earth living with a shut-down soul—never experiencing  their own soul, dancing and shining with the light of love, forgiveness, peace, faith, joy, and growth.

If you’ve recently been bitten by a zombie, take a moment to vow to yourself that you will do what you can to save this planet from being overtaken by zombies, by making sure you, at least, won’t become a zombie yourself!