Narcissists and Sycophants: A Marriage Made in Hell

The psychopath and the sycophant (“psycho fan”)960

Rantings and Ravings

Whether we realize it or not, we all have at least one narcissist in our lives. In fact, according to authors Jean Twenge, PhD and Keith Campbell, PhD, there is a narcissism epidemic in this country.  (The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement, Free Press, 2009, Twenge PhD., Campbell, PhD.).

After reading this eye opening book I found myself thinking about this subject in general and agree with the authors that narcissism is sweeping our country and wreaking havoc on the personal, social and professional relationships of the masses. Most of us, however, live in denial. We don’t want to view someone we look up to as a narcissist and we certainly don’t want to acknowledge the hold narcissists have on us and on the world at large. We also live in denial about the part we play in the creation of the narcissist and the perpetuation of…

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Why Narcissists Rule The World

.. and why empaths need to heal, take back their power and bring in the balance

First up, narcissists/ sociopaths love and need to be in control, they choose careers where they can wield their power. With their high energy (little emotional attachment to slow them down), they make great delegators, they get the menial workers do their work.

They have some very attractive qualities.. often fearless and high risk takers, they have high energy and the natural ability to handle stress (easier with a less emotional view of people or life). They are capable and ‘get things done’, have strategic minds, exude self confidence, self belief, success and charm. They have the gift of the gab and the ability to attract others with their show of ‘success’, high energy, intellectual strategy and emotional resilience … Like the Donald Trumps of this world, outwardly they are the epitome of success (surrounded by money, beautiful people, flamboyant lifestyle etc..)

They also have faults. Greed, lack of empathy, self absorbed.

The CEOs at the top of greedy large companies are often narcissistic/ sociopathic. Sex, self image, money, success, lifestyle, ‘winning’ and power are of prime importance. The lesser beings working below them are considered ‘menial workers’ (much like personal slaves) .. these poor souls are the ‘willing victims’ of corporate greed. 

These corporate leaders are the decision makers but unfortunately their decisions are not based on ‘seeing’ the bigger picture (because they are not that aware) or on wisdom because they are not that wise, they are based on logic and strategy and ultimately getting their needs met. Basically they are out of balance.

They are the brains albeit no heart or spiritual understanding’ (real empathy for others etc..)

 They tend to choose the easy road rather than the high/ hard road, (basically whatever road gets them more power, more sex, and more success/ money), even if it’s on the out-most fringe of being legal or moral their mind can justify these actions. Basically if there’s a loophole and they can ‘get away with it’, they will do it without batting a eyelid or losing a night’s sleep.

Self absorbed, life to them is a ‘one time opportunity’ and they intend to live big.

Secondly, sociopaths/ narcissists show much higher numbers in areas like company heads (as mentioned) law, media, advertising, journalism, the medical profession (especially surgery), politics, police and armed forces, religion etc..

Those with high empathy tend to chose caring or creative professions –  teachers, therapists, healers, artists, craftsmen/ women, charity workers, stylists, nurses, care givers etc..

So if narcissist/ sociopaths are heading in these areas they are effectively controlling the legal system, the media, the medical profession, police and armed forces, politics, areas of religion etc..

Obviously there are great many healthy and balanced people that can see through the flaws and are making big changes, but it does makes sense of the world today and how especially these professions are lacking in healthy balance, empathy, wisdom, and seeing the bigger picture.

Evolution happens and things will slowly change for the better, I’m confident of that.

But don’t expect the narcissistic to be capable of changing. It’s the empaths that are pushed to change, heal and grow, and this will completely change the dynamics.

The world is healing but much like personal healing, it takes time and baby steps. Heal yourself first, balance yourself. Use your head and your heart and you will be in a power position to help bring back some much needed balance to whatever field you work in.

Take back your voice and your power.

Be the change :o)

SG x



The Verbally Abusive Relationship

“The great tragedy in a verbally abusive relationship is that the partner’s efforts to bring reconciliation, mutual understanding and intimacy are rejected out of hand by the abuser because to him they are adversarial. This is so because if he isn’t feeling power over his partner, he is feeling that she must be trying to overpower him. There is no mutuality in his reality.”

~ The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans

not letting it out:


Where To Find Support..

… when you have no money, no family, or no friends

Many of us have been neglected our entire lives and are used to surviving on our own, we are used to having no support and we are used to being neglected. We almost expect it, so we continue alone, hoping we can change things alone. We can be too passive and get over-looked. We all need capable support. People who are healed and that can support us in practical ways. People who believe in us and help us believe in ourselves again. People who can get us back into fighting mode. The key is to actively look.

Below are some ideas for where to find support..

Can't do this alone. by noukka

Women’s Centres/Men’s Centres – Essential!I pay only $15 for a counsellor and she’s wonderful. Great advice and support.

 Domestic Abuse phone lines – they are kind, experienced and will chat through and give advice on any problems (even after you got away from your abuser), give you ideas and put you through to other free support in your area.

Online Websites – Depression/ mental health websites, Abuse & Women’s Shelters, Facebook closed groups (Mental Health, Spiritual Emergencies, Highly Sensitive People, Narcissism) – ask around for advice on forums or chat rooms

Citizen’s Advice Bureau – legal questions, any question, also access to other forms of free support

Faith – Yep God, faith and prayer.. excellent support but remember God helps those that help themselves. So have faith AND take action.

Peer support (qualified) – talk to your doctor

Meetup.com groups in your area – (Anxiety groups cover mental health issues).. meetup is more social groups.

Your doctor can advise you of free talk therapy if you’re depressed etc.. There are agencies (other than Mental Health) that offer Government funded support for serious depression or inability to cope.

Any other ideas welcome…

The key is not to give up! Don’t give up if you have no money because you’re on a benefit – there is always free help. Don’t give up when your doctor isn’t helpful or doesn’t understand the depth of your issues, find another Doctor, don’t give up when the counsellor you go to isn’t a fit, keep looking, keep asking.

The key is to actively keep looking until you find the right people to build you up.

SG x


The Challenges Of Meeting New People

Trying to make opposite sex friends after abusive or codependent relationships

Yesterday I went to the anxiety group meetup and ending up sitting outside with 5 men. Quite a big deal for someone who had a fear of men..

We spent 6 hours together (which was too long but I guess most of us have little to go home to, and were enjoying the connection..)

It was fun, until later when it sank in.

By the time we all left I was feeling fine but I noticed the guys all looked worse for wear. Oops…

Their energy was low and they looked drained. I felt little responsible for what started off as a light and jovial energy (6 hours is a long time for anyone to sit around talking though..)

I actually felt responsible for their emotional state….?? Why did I feel that? Somewhere along the line it got deep, and I’m pretty sure I took it there, but they could have left. They chose to express themselves. So why do I feel I have to leave people feeling they are uplifted and upbeat from talking to me .. I know I find it way harder to see a man in emotional pain than a woman.

Later in the evening I ended up with a headache wondering what had occurred.. then I didn’t sleep (thinking.. thinking.. thinking..) It’s a tape I’m not turning off easily. Suddenly all their words came back to me..

I took a long bath, I did a relaxation technique. I felt a little calmer but still unable to unwind.

I felt neurotic letting this screw me up.

Next day I missed the early morning market because of the fatigue (damn, needed the money..) and then I stayed in today with a migraine from lack of sleep. It’s now 8.30 pm and after processing all that went on in those 6 hours I feel only slightly better.

So what went on.

Well, for a start I have I avoided men like the plague. For 6 years I have almost been in hiding in order to ‘keep safe’, grow stronger, heal and not attract another narcissistic man. Only in the last few weeks have I got out and started being friendly towards men (instead of scared, avoidant and cool). Fact is I was terrified of attracting one. But I am finally feeling completely safe in myself and in my intuition that I can be friendly. make friends and protect myself from the predatory types.

I am an open person, I talk about the deeper stuff and this made it easier for the men to talk about the deeper stuff too. I don’t think they usually do that.

I never acted like a therapist, I wasn’t offering advice or judging. I was just being me and talking. (Maybe I don’t have much of a life and this ‘stuff’ is all I have to talk about).

We found out we are all from dysfunctional families. One guy had young alcoholic parents who split up, one had a mother who had a psychotic break, another had a schizophrenic mother. We all were neglected in some form or other. One had a spiritual emergency at 15 and went through mental health, one has OCD, another was in a serious car accident as a teen and was left nearly paralyzed.

There were some boundary issues, too much advice, a fair amount of judgement ..

A couple of the men listened to my story and then related their own feelings regarding their own mothers on me. I just listened and didn’t react. I realize not to take what they say personally, because it’s not personal, they were just re-living their pain and projecting it on me.

I do know I don’t want to reject them, I don’t want to run from people anymore. I want to accept people.

Two were very forward regarding their attraction towards me. In the real world I’m pretty invisible but they made me feel like hot property. I didn’t feel flattered, because it isn’t really real and it gets in the way of making healthy friendships. One guy was aggressive in his approach the other more frustrated and I get the sense if I’m not willing to be what he wants/ needs he’ll end up rejecting me, almost like he’s created an illusion of me in his own mind.

The aggressive guy was just hoping to hook up with a vulnerable woman to fix all his problems. He’s easy to deal with him. But the frustrated guy I really like as a friend, he’s got a great heart. I have considered messaging him to discuss things a little and set a friendly boundary.

Truth is I don’t want to date, I’m far from it. I just want make deeper healthier connections and friendships. Everyone is painfully misunderstood and painfully lonely. Everyone wants a loving relationship you can feel that, but for now close friendships are loving relationships.

It’s challenging though, maybe I just rehashed the past for everyone.. Ughh!

I’m still questioning whether to go again, or whether the answers lie in staying, setting boundaries with them and with myself, healthy open communication, and that all this is actually very healing even if a little painful at times.

Maybe it’s okay that they opened up and experienced some pain. I guess my fear is that they’ll avoid me as the woman who made them feel too much and brought the energy down :o(

Hopefully I’ll feel better and clearer about things as the migraine clears, as you can see I feel and think a great deal!

I’ll try to focus on my life today. Maybe get in the garden.

Writing it out is therapeutic though and I’ll try to be gentle on myself this is a new experience for me, and maybe for them.

Love SG x