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When Life Robs You..

Mental Illness

Mental Health is an industry..

An industry trying to sell an unsuspecting public on the idea that the way to ‘fix’ unwanted behaviour and feelings is with a brain chemistry altering pill.

These pills are now named ‘lifestyle’ drugs..

So now you can live your life in a way that is not ‘your truth’ and not feel too bad about it.

And after all if everybody’s doing it then it must be okay.

Maybe I have a problem with the way they are marketed, or that people use them long term without making changes in their lives.. believing their minds are deficient in some way..

So why do I felt so strongly …  because I suffered from chronic depression for 40+ years and I learnt a great deal..

The real problem is we were not born to be mindless sheep.. we were born to have personal power.

Some of us lost ours…  some very early on due to abuse, neglect, trauma, others guilt or bad decisions or a combination.

… life has robbed us..

I have always found people who experience depression or emotional, spiritual or psychological suffering to be deep thinkers, highly intelligent, visionaries, idealists, creatives, sensitives, salt of the earth types.

They ‘see’ things as they really are but all too often they remain passive to change anything. Often out of fear or that they allow themselves to get pulled along by the wolves of this world.

They fail to see the power they truly have and end up instead ‘willing victims’. They conform and lose their voice.

This causing internal unrest, distress and confusion- really a great lack of inner peace, as they are not being true to themselves or their beliefs or even who they really are..

Being a sheep is never a great option for those of vision.. that indeed would make you depressed, distressed, and have your mind fluctuating between what is right for you and what is wrong for you..

I have alway seen them as the sensitive good in an often evil world. I see them as people who have important gifts.

I just wish they could see themselves as that and get up, get constructively angry, look at the big picture on what they need to heal and go on to make their own small but significant mark in this crazy and often evil world.

Maybe they need that as motivation to get up, to heal their life, to change, to live their dream and to take back their personal power.. than some ‘lifestyle’ pill.

People suffering with depression and mental confusion need to allow themselves the time and space to heal. They need courage and encouragement, love, warmth, understanding, compassion, someone trustworthy to hear them, to look into their pasts, to gain self respect, self love, self compassion and self confidence and to take back their power.. and live their dreams.. whether that be to assist others in some healing way, bring beauty into this world, or love and compassion, make healthy changes in industry, politics, medical fields etc..

Your vision is needed..

Love and baby steps,

SilverGirl

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Letting Go Of The ‘Shoulds’

Overcoming depression by focusing what do you really want to do..

I have a huge ‘should’ list and it’s weighing me down. Actually my ‘should do’s’ often hang around not getting done. Maybe subconsciously I know they’re not important, but it seems not fully addressing them gives them some power to make me feel heavy.

We’ve all been conditioned to do what we should instead of what we really want or really need for our own well-being. Sometimes doing what we want or need seems illogical (based on conditioning)   .. and that plays in our mind and stops us from listening to our instincts and ploughing forward.

When I say wants, I’m not talking about whims.. I’m talking those things that will truly bring you peace, joy and happiness.

Most of the things I ‘should do’ are about family/ societal conditioning.  It’s no wonder I often feel torn about my direction and decisions in life. Often I feel damned if I do and damned if I don’t, and that causes paralysis.

If I question my activities on the basis of what I want and intuitively need to do rather than what I ‘should do’ I always have my answers.

The courage comes in just doing it regardless of what everyone else thinks, of pushing through and letting go of your own perceived guilt.

You feel so much lighter when you get rid of those monkey’s on your back..

‘Should do’s’ become burdens and we all need to drop the weight.

Below I’ve added an anonymous comment from a man regarding this topic – read on, it’s good..

SG x

 

This is something I wrote recently from my experience for a person who was suffering from depression. It maybe helpful..

Stop.

Slowly peel off each layer of conditioning/expectation that has been accumulated since you were born.

To do this reexamine everything you do and check to see if you do it because you feel you “should” do it or because you genuinely want to (or intuitively need to).

Go back to that childlike state where you first look out for your own needs. Experience what it truly means to know what you want rather than what other people want you to be (or do). When you have reconnected with this person stay there a while to enjoy being this person and practice resisting the subtle and not so subtle influence of others to go back to that person you had been conditioned to become.

When you are sure you know the real you, out of this strength choose to do the things you really want or to help others out of your own volition rather than out of obligation or old feelings that you had. This will mean that each choice you make carries no feelings of resentment or guilt that can slowly build up and destroy you.

Always be on guard that you don’t fall back into the practice of doing things without awareness of your own true wants/ needs..

Always make a conscious decision to act because you choose to…not because any other misplaced emotion such as guilt or habit.

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Causes And Cures For Lack Of Motivation

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Most problems with motivation come from subconscious thought patterns. Interestingly, many of of these patterns are intended to motivate you.

The problem is, they are ineffective strategies learned long ago when you had no idea what was going on.

Other causes of poor motivation come from subconscious attachments to self-deprivation. Yes, you can become attached to a deprived, empty life, believe it or not. In this case, a life of passion isn’t familiar to you, so you avoid it.

Begin to set yourself free by learning about the ineffective motivation patterns that hold you back

Here are seven common motivational styles that are actually de-motivating – and what to do about each of them. Can you see yourself in one or more of the examples?

Continue reading

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You Deserve Love…

… Including Your OwnCute way to draw a bear hug! You could say, "thinking of you" or "I love you", "get well", etc.

By Mary Snedon

Several years ago, I was in an unhealthy and unhappy relationship. It didn’t start out that way, of course. During the first year that we were together, I was in heaven. I was blissfully happy and everything seemed perfect.

My partner and I were so in love and happy just to be together; you couldn’t keep us apart.

It was years later that the trouble started. It was when my husband reconnected with a woman from his past that our marriage started to fall apart. It is hard to say if things would have fallen apart in time anyway, but this other woman certainly contributed to bringing us unstuck.

My husband told me that they had never been a couple, but that he used to be extremely attracted to this woman. She had recently moved to our city so he offered to help her out and get her familiar with the surroundings. I thought nothing of it at first because I thought I could trust my partner completely.

Eventually though, I noticed that he was spending more time with her, and when I would ask him about it, he always made it seem like I was a bad person for being suspicious.

I started reading messages on his phone when he was asleep because my gut instinct was telling me that something was not right.

When I confronted him with the incriminating messages, he got very angry. He denied everything and berated me for having so little faith in him. All of this made me quite depressed, and eventually I became very bitter. We were fighting almost constantly over the smallest things.

I was bitter with the world and, yes, I became bitter with myself. I did not like the person I had become.

I was always stressed out, suspicious, and unhappy. I blamed myself for the status of our relationship. I started believing that I was the one at fault and that he was the injured party.

After some time, his affair with the woman finally came to light and we broke up. Even after having confirmed that all my suspicions were correct and that I had done myself a favor by ending the relationship, I was still extremely unhappy. I still carried a lot of bitterness inside me.

I could not understand why something so bad could happen to a good person like me. I was angry with my ex and was equally angry at the world.

The recurring question I had in my head was, “What is love, and what on earth did I do to deserve this?”

Then one day, I just felt so exhausted by all the negativity inside me. I remembered a book I once read about attracting positivity from the universe by becoming a more positive person. From that moment on, I resolved to take control of my life.

I realized that I was ultimately responsible for all the unhappiness and bitterness I was feeling.

I needed to forgive myself for having stayed in an unhealthy relationship for far too long. I needed to free myself of unrealistic expectations and get on with my life and all that it had to offer.

As soon as I started doing this, things immediately began to change.

I discovered things about myself that I didn’t even know existed and I realized that there was a lot to love about myself and about life in general. I focused on always fighting for the positive view no matter what the situation was.

I studied a lot about positivity and negativity, but what really helped was a deep, psychological understanding about humans and why we are the way we are—why we are so insecure and what drives that. What creates the turmoil, the guilt, the unfairness of life, the anger, and the meanness.

When I understood the deeper reasoning for my actions and reactions, it soon became apparent that the problem was not the cheating and the marriage break down. Sure, this hurt and was an enormous catalyst, but all the self-doubt, insecurity, and unhappiness were already there under the surface.

If it weren’t the marriage, then my insecurities, pain, and upset would have come out in another life drama.

When I understood where my insecurities of worry were anchored, I could then deal with everyday emotions of negativity by seeing them for what they were.

I could see that it wasn’t my circumstances that made me feel unhappy, negative, and resentful. They just took me to a fearful place in myself. What I needed to do was learn how to deal with those situations in a healthy way.

I’ve learned that stamping your feet and flailing your arms at the unfairness doesn’t solve anything; slopping around in life’s negative emotions hurts nobody but yourself.

So when my husband’s lying and leaving me made me feel worthless, unlovable, and lonely, I soon recognized that those feelings were what had underpinned all that I had wrested with all my life. Thatwas actually how I felt about everything.

I was actually very needy because I was so afraid of being alone because it made me feel unworthy and unlovable. Once I came to recognize this, I was able to start to bring love and understanding back into the equation.

When I was alone and the feelings of being unlovable and unworthy came up, I would go back to what I learned about myself. I’d talk myself through what I’d learned about being completely lovable and worthy of love.

Once I had this understanding of myself under my belt my heart was then open and free to find love again. Sure enough, I did find love again, and this time it was the kind of love that lasts.

Because I had learned so much about myself, the relationship was not based on my need to fulfill an unfulfilled heart. This time I was able to be loved for me, all of me, and enjoy it and not be desperate for the love.

And above all I was actually free enough to love too. I had more to give, as I wasn’t so preoccupied with trying to be loved. It turned out to be the kind of love that leads to a long, happy, healthy marriage.

Now, all the pain of the past can almost be seen as a blessing. It has led me to the most wonderful time in my life where I am not so much hopelessly in love, but I am so fulfilled and content in myself that I have never felt happier.

This positive love that now fills my heart and my world is available to every single one of us.

Opening our hearts and minds to love and positive space is the key to a life of love.  Understanding who we are, that we are lovable and worthy of love allows us to love and be loved.

I urge you to learn about yourself—your past, your emotions, your reactions. Honesty is key. You have to face up to who you are, which can be very difficult. Imagine me, a confident, organized, highly functioning executive discovering my life was run on an urge to prove I’m worthy of love. That was a hard one!

But if you can deeply connect with the real you, who wants, needs, and above all deserves to be loved, a freedom lies ahead that is beautiful to behold.

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Taking Back My Power!

....take back your Power.....  www.charansurdhar.com #epigenetics #personalpower

Something I need to remember over the next couple of months..

I have the power within me to change my circumstances, my life, my current reality.

I am the creator of my current life experience.

Until I accept responsibility for what I have created, I cannot change it. And I cannot change it if I do not believe that I have the power to do so.

Belief / Trust / Faith is the key.

Belief, trust, faith in what? …

… In myself.

I am not alone… Part of me is here in the human realm, and the other part of my Self exists in the higher realms. I am not alone and I never have been.

Nothing is impossible! Nothingno Thing! Except what I believe is not possible!

I can choose now if I wish  the old paradigm to be my living experience, and I can continue living in ‘victim mode’ or I can decide now to move into the new paradigm.

The choice is always mine.

Life is not meant to be a struggle, it is meant to be joyful.

Now is the time for me to summon my power and put my authority into action and transform my intentions into reality.

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Procrastination = Solar Plexus Deficiency

Signs of Solar Plexus Deficiency:
Weak Will
Low Motivation
Low Energy
Sluggish
Passive
Fearful
Poor Self Discipline
Victim Mentality
Emotionally & Physically Cold
Blaming of Others
Unreliable
Poor Digestion
The Solar Plexus Chakra deals with growth and pertains to issues of the:
 Intellect, Personal Power and Control
 When balanced you are able to take action and meet challenges, you feel confident, have self acceptance, and respect for the nature and emotions of others. You are responsible, reliable and have a good sense of humour.
 Ways to Balance your Solar Plexus Chakra when Deficient:
Mentally – Affirmations – “I am positively empowered and successful in all my ventures”
Physically Exercise – Strengthen core muscles
Emotionally – Examine your self esteem, confidence and self respect with a a counsellor.
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Legacy & Cleaning Up The Past

Source: The Better Man Project

What legacy are you going to leave?

Legacy defined: “Something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or from the past.” Something I think about often. What do I want to leave behind? I’m not just talking about my children, or my childrens children. I’m thinking in terms of the world. Im thinking bigger than the bigger picture.

What can I leave behind?

What can just one person do? I think we’ve been given examples of that throughout history. Men and women who have changed the world. Men and women who acted alone at first and then united people around them for a cause…one that grew far bigger than anyone could have ever imagined. We have seen that with religion, we have seen that with movements, we have seen that with rights and peace. We have seen these things. I have seen these things. And here I am now, 25, thinking of what I can leave behind…so when I begin, I have the end in mind.

There’s an interesting feeling that comes up inside of me when I start thinking about this topic. But this morning, at 4:45am when thinking about it, I had very vivid and specific thoughts about my past…and it brought me back to a time where I sought out the help from a teacher/mentor who took me through a week long retreat and helped me clean up my past, see the world with new glasses, and bring fresh perspective into my life.

Without cleaning up our past, we cannot…even remotely, live in the present. It doesn’t matter whether the events that happened are in the forefront of your mind, they are still boiling there in your subconscious. I know personally that when I start feeling anxious about things in the present I have things that I need to take care of in my past. Things to say to people, things to let go…and mostly, forgiveness to be given. Our past can completely hinder us from living in the present. It can weaken our resolve and destroy our appreciation of things in the present. In fact, it can even make us completely miss what is happening in the present.

I cannot build a legacy on a murky past.

Now, that doesn’t mean what has happened wasn’t significant or that there weren’t good and bad things that went down. I say murky in terms of looking back and still seeing it missing my attention. It’s easier to move on and try to forget than deal with it. Trying to forget never really works. You never forget. There are always going to be situations, smells, events, songs, foods, and everything else in between that are going to trigger something deep inside of you…that place where you store “trying to forget” and it will make it real again. It will make it real as day.

Because I have such a vivid imagination…when this happens…the past plays in real time and 5k resolution. I am taken straight back there and things change with me in the present. It’s like having the ability to transport yourself back in time and see things for what they truly were and how they happened. I use to think this was a curse because I never took care of what I should have, but now, with a different way of looking at things…I see it as a blessing.

the-journey-clean-up-the-past

I handle what I need to. I take care of it. I give it the time it deserves. I nurture wounds.

So when I have something trigger it in the present, I am okay with looking back because I know I have hugged my past rather than locked it away in a box…one that you always know is buried in a specific spot and has memories and thoughts banging against the metal walls trying to get out and get your attention.

The past can eat your present and future.

It’s taken big bites out of mine. I fought it for such a long time but there I was again, not dealing with it…and instead battling it. In fact, it took such big bites out of it that it sent be 10-20 steps backwards…something that I had to work very hard to get back to “present day” with. And through that entire 14 week period I learned what it was like to truly invest myself fully into something and to take it 1 day at a time. I built a foundation that I could be proud of and that could take me into the future. But as that challenge ended and I took 5 weeks off, I was back into limbo. I felt like I had more in the tank. I felt like I could accomplish more and that I could step it up a notch. And…where was that anxious feeling coming from again? Why was I freaking out about things I had no business freaking out about? What the hell was going on?

The past snuck back in.

It snuck in and created procrastination, laziness, doubt, anxiousness, fear. T.D. Jakes says that the enemy doesn’t need to fight you anywhere else but right in your mind. Because if it can take out your mind, it can tear down everything else. It didn’t tear me down, but it prevented me from taking steps forward with that same tenacious attitude I had when I just started the 14 week journey.

After this weekend, I had a change of heart and really decided to go back at it again. I recommitted to the things I knew I needed to make happen…I promised myself nothing short of my finest work product and effort…and I committed to writing and walking hand in hand again with some things that were coming up from my past that needed my attention.

See some people will tell you that life is a series of two steps forward and one step back. I don’t necessarily agree with that. It’s not the statement about one step back that I’m bothered with, its just the ratio of the steps. I think life does send you back…but you’re never going to really know how many steps forwards vs backwards its going to be. What I do know however, is that the steps forwards in the long run, if you live with a full heart and use the gifts you were given, are far greater than the steps backwards.

This is just what I know to be true, sitting here at 25 years old, looking at the end and working my way to the beginning. That beginning is today…11/17. It’s another start to something I am going after. But there’s something different about this start. What’s different is my knowledge of what I actually want for myself. It took me a few years to find it, then another to see it…then some time to believe it…but for the first time in my life I really have gone through all of the steps to figuring out what I would love to do.

Now…I just have to grind for it.

– Evan Sanders – The Better Man Project

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Why Motivation Doesn’t Really Matter

Have you ever really wanted to do something, but you just weren’t motivated enough to do it?

Unmotivated

This is always my number one reason for not taking action, as I’m sure it’s probably yours too. If you’re not motivated, you just don’t have the energy or the drive to do what you need to do, right? Simple enough.

But here’s three of the biggest problems with relying on being highly motivated all the time:

  1. Maybe you don’t really care about what you’re doing. Maybe it doesn’t really matter and you’re trying to force yourself to do something you don’t want to do. In this case, your lack of motivation is your subconscious telling you “this is not important” or “this does not align with my values.”
  2. Energy comes in waves. And just as each wave has a crest, it also has a trough. Sometimes your level of motivation will be like a rushing tsunami. At other times, it will be a steady flow. These are natural rhythms and following these rhythms are important, because if you don’t, you will burn out.
  3. Sometimes you won’t be excited before you take action, but you will feed good after you’re done. Take exercise for example. A lot of people dread or loathe working up a sweat. They are not motivated beforehand, at least not enough for them to break through the mental resistance to the work that will be done. But, they feel awesome when they’ve finished exercising. Therefore, sometimes you can’t rely on being highly motivated before, sometimes you have to rely on being motivated after.

Does that mean that motivation is unimportant? No, it’s still important and it does play a role. But too often, it’s easy to get caught up in relying on being totally psyched about something before you do it.

You will not always be totally psyched.

And that’s okay. Does water get anxious when it reaches a depression in the earth? No, it is completely content in its state of acquiescence. When it reaches a hill it does not worry that it now has to travel faster and pick up its pace. It simply flows down the hill.

The way water flows is called following your natural rhythms.

The reason I first started looking at this different way of approaching my goals was because typical motivation hacks didn’t work for me. Sometimes they would work, and sometimes they wouldn’t. Sometimes visualizing success would be highly motivating and sometimes it would simply flunk with a dull thud. It was only when I allowed myself to let go, that I success started to come more easily for me.

I admit, this may seem hard to at first, but it’s a matter of trust. You have to trust your authentic self to guide you in when it’s time to take action and when it is time to just be.

Here are a few ways to practice this non-striving way of manifesting your desires:

  1. Practice listening to your intuition. A lot of us have a tendency to question the validity of our intuition. We favor our rational mind and its sure, logical method of explanation. Our intuitive mind, however, is just as valid. As Einstein once said “The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.” Learn to honor your intuitive gift by practicing asking yourself questions and listening to the response you give yourself without trying to logically deduce the answer.
  2. Take time to ask yourself what you really want. We often get so caught up in the attachment to achieving our goals that we forget to listen to what we actually want. Instead of us creating goals as a means to fulfill our desires, we become enslaved by them. Whenever you feel that your goal is weighing you down, ask yourself “What do I really want?” and listen silently to the answer you receive.
  3. Accept that you won’t always be insanely motivated. If you’re waiting to take action until you’re incredibly motivated, you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself. It’s better to ease the strain by allowing yourself to be mildly interested or even in a state of dread. Allowing yourself to be in this state makes it easier to move past it because you’re no longer resisting it. When you resist the state you’re in, you perpetuate it.
  4. Tap into your flow. We all have times when we’re more creative or more energized, and we all have times where we feel like resting and recharging. For some of us, these ebbs and flows may happen at certain times of the day, for others it may be completely random. The point is to pay attention and exploit these fluxes of energy. By taking massive action when you are full of energy and by allowing yourself to relax when you are in a state of calm, you respect and honor yourself. You will accomplish more by following your natural rhythms than you would trying to force yourself.

There is a time for being productive and there is a time for resting. Just as in nature there is a time for activity and new life in the spring, and there is a time for rest and turning inward in the winter.

Just as nature knows that its perpetual growth is unsustainable, we must realize that expecting to be productive all the time, leads to burn out and being less productive.

Maybe it’s time we start listening to our bodies. I think the more we follow the way of nature, the more intelligently we live.

 Source: Zen Habits contributor Jonathan Mead.