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Life-Giving Relationships

Relationships…when they are healthy and balanced, they can be life-giving and energizing. A supportive relationship, founded in love, whether it is romantic or friendship based, can offer an invigorating level of companionship and life-long support. In a balanced relationship, energy and is given back and forth, and grows — uplifting both people into their highest creativity.

However, when relationships lose their balance, the opposite energy flow occurs; each person feels short of energy and thus begins to try and force energy their way with criticism and control dramas. We all have experienced the feeling of weariness that comes when interpersonal hostility develops.

The solution is always the same. Each person must find their own inner source of security and inspiration, and then become fully conscious of when this connection is lost.

Just remember that we all have a spiritual download of Peace, Calm, and Inspiration (to do something with our lives) waiting for us. Once we find our inspired path, we can speak our truths in a loving and helpful way, without the need to dominate. In a relationship, our time should be spent supporting each others’ goals and dreams, and discussing the synchronicities that are guiding the way.

We become wiser together… and that’s what it’s all about

~ James Redfield

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For those who had loved someone, they couldn’t be with

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cute-couple-hupaingLove is a tricky thing. It varies in intensity and in the specificity of emotions. It is sometimes the most beautiful thing in the world and, at other times, it’s the most horrid thing we’ve ever come face-to-face with.

It’s odd how one thing could be the cause of so many contrary feelings. But that’s what makes love so beautiful – it’s the closest thing to perfection that exists in the world, the only thing that can easily and comfortably encompass both good and evil, beautiful and ugly.

It’s the closest thing to a flawless whole that man has ever claimed to have been part of.

When we think of love, we think of the happy kind of love, the kind that is the beginning of something beautiful – something that breathes life.

There is, however, another kind of love, a much darker and sadder kind of love. It’s the love one feels when one loves someone he or she can never and will never have.

It’s the kind of love that doesn’t signal the beginning of something beautiful, but rather the end of something that might have been beautiful, but will never amount to anything more than what it is.

Contrary to popular belief or popular wishful thinking, love doesn’t always end happily. It doesn’t always result in the joining of two people, the fusing of two lives into one.

Sometimes, on rare occasions, it results in the wedging apart of the two who love each other the most. You can love someone with all your soul and never get a chance to be with that person. Even worse, you can know that you love him or her, understanding there is no possibility that the two of you will ever be together.

Some people cannot and will not ever end up together, even if they do love each other. It’s a sad truth, but a truth, nonetheless.

The fact is, love is not enough. All those fairytales, all those stories and movies you’ve heard and watched growing up, lied to you. Love is never enough because love is not rational.

You hear that love is irrational all the time, yet you still hear the same people saying that love is enough to keep two people together.

Unfortunately, we live in a world governed by rationality, and while love may be irrational, and we may manage to make it work for some time, the real world always catches up with us and our irrational illusions dissipate into thin air.

Then we are left with reality and reality doesn’t always reason the way lovers do.

Some people don’t work out together. They have habits or beliefs that make it impossible to co-habitate with the person they love. There isn’t a couple out there that loves every little thing about one another.

Sure, they may find certain quirks cute or unique, but they don’t love them; they simply accept them. There are some people who have such habits, tendencies, or thinking patterns that really do make them incompatible with the other person.

The two may love each other fully, because remember, love isn’t rational, yet not be able to live and deal with each other forever. This is why relationships require compromise.

You’re not going to love everything about the person you are with, but you love enough about him or her to live with the things you don’t love. Not all people are willing to, or even able to, compromise. Sometimes it just doesn’t work, regardless of what our emotions tell us.

Compromising, of course, is a choice. You either choose to make it work or you choose not to. I believe this fully. As long as something doesn’t go against your nature, over time you can make it work. But there are still some cases when compromising isn’t enough.

Sometimes there are other reasons two people cannot and will not ever be together. In fact, this is usually the deciding factor of whether or not two lovers will be capable of spending their lives together: if they are able to forgive and forget.

Because love is as intense an emotion as one gets, it occasionally leads us to make poor choices – choices that are hurtful to the ones we love.

They may be poor calls of judgment, lies we told or things we said. When it comes to love, our pasts haunt us. We move from relationship to relationship, hauling all that luggage we managed to accumulate in our previous relationship.

Because lovers who can’t work together don’t like to accept this fact, they have a tendency of breaking up and getting back together repeatedly.

Each time they take a break from each other, they come back and try to start fresh. But the problem is, they’re still carrying all that luggage. And sooner or later, they start to unpack. All the demons come out.

When love scars, it cuts deep. The pain isn’t easily forgotten and usually cannot be willfully forgotten. When you hurt the woman you love enough, she won’t come back to you. And because you still love her, you wouldn’t take her back even if she asked you to.

You don’t trust yourself not to hurt her again and even if you did, she wouldn’t trust you not to hurt her again. Relationships are built on trust and you shattered her trust.

Chances are, you both have bruises that have never fully healed and likely will never fully heal. And that’s just something you decided that you’ll have to live with. Why?

Because you really don’t have any other options. You just hope that the two of you find others to love so you can think about each other less and so you don’t have to worry about her happiness anymore.

You wait in hopes that new love can take the place of the old — which it can. But that doesn’t mean you will ever stop loving each other. Some people will love each other until the day they die, spending the majority of their lives apart. And so is the darker side of love.


Written by Paul Hudson
This article was originally published on Elite Daily

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Are You In Love, Or Just Attached?

Relationships that are based on control and unconscious drives and needs are codependent. The main indicator of codependency is focusing more attention on the actions and feelings of another person(s) than you do on yourself, and feeling that you have to control everything that happens. When your thoughts are dominated by what other people are doing, you are not, by definition, centered in your own inner process.

If your energy level fluctuates based on what others do or say, you might be codependent. If you feel like you have to monitor everything and make it work, you might be codependent. When you are struggling to control, you are not allowing the synchronicities of the universe to help you to develop.

~ James Redfield

http://themindsjournal.com/are-you-in-love-or-just-attached/

If you’re unsure about your own relationship motives, take a look at the following list and see where you land on love and attachment.
THEMINDSJOURNAL.COM
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Love And Compassion

Cutting

At the meetup group I go to, there is a woman about 45 who is a really beautiful soul, it just shines out of her. I noticed she has some very deep (old) cutting scars on her arms. They would of been so painful. She’s healed now but I wanted to put my hand on them and bend down and give them a kiss. She’s so beautiful she didn’t deserve that kind of pain. I didn’t do it because it would be weird but my heart wanted to. I hope she has a man in her life that sees how beautiful she is and kisses her arms everyday.

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Missed Connections

Love, Lost and Found

I remember a guy I met only once years ago at a hotel New Year’s Eve party. He was easy to be with and we talked just the two of us until 5 am. We clicked and I felt safe with him. He gave me his contact details to meet up again but somehow I lost them..

I still think of him now and again, and I guess we all have memories of missed connections because they really leave a mark on us. But on another level some things are just not meant to be.

Really ‘there are no accidents’, so in retrospect I don’t think it was an accident that I lost his details. As perfect as he was, on a subconscious level the timing was out.

He was ready for me but I wasn’t ready for him :o(

What type of cosmic cruelty is that!!!

SG x

 

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When Valentine’s Day SUCKS..

For those alone on Valentines

SG x

WE LOVE YOU.

Dear Ones —

The fantastic graphic designer Emily McDowell (www.emilymcdowell.com) made this card, as a Valentine for a friend who might not have a Valentine right now, and who might be feeling sad about that.

Elizabeth Gilbert's photo.

I’m so touched by it. There is such love and kindness in this.

First of all, I should say this: Any of you who happen to spending this Valentine’s Day with the love of your life, God bless you. Enjoy every minute of it. Eat that chocolate. Drink that champagne. Put those roses in a crystal vase and stand back and admire them. We are happy for you.

Now. As for everyone else…

Sometimes it seems like Valentine’s Day was specifically invented to make a whole bunch of people feel kind of bad about themselves. I don’t like this aspect of the holiday.

There have been times in my life when I have been happy in a relationship, and other times when I have been deeply unhappily in a relationtionship. (Miserable, really. As they say, “There is sometimes nothing lonelier than the number two.”)

There have also been times when I have been very happy alone, and other times when I was deeply unhappily alone.

In other words, I am familiar with all the possibilities here, when it comes to love and happiness and unhappiness. I’ve tried it all.

We are complicated, and we can feel many things at many different times in our lives. We can feel sassy and independent at times, and soft and co-dependent at other times. But here’s something I know to be true, beucase I have experienced it: Sometimes, the fact is, we feel lonely.

It’s OK sometimes to feel lonely. We’ve all felt it. We’ve all had times where, even though we are doing well, and we are kicking ass in the world, and we are grateful for all the blessings in our life, and we are taking brilliant care of ourselves, there are times when we wonder, “Where is my partner? Where is my love? Why haven’t I found someone?”

It’s not like you feel like you need to be COMPLETED, for heaven’s sake. You know better than that. We all do. But sometimes people get lonely.

There is nothing wrong or strange about feeling this way. This is what it’s like to have a human heart. But at such times in life, let’s just admit it: Valentine’s Day SUCKS.

On any Valentine’s Day that happens to fall at a time in life when you are feeling the wrong kind of alone (not the great kind of alone, which is a very real experience, as well), the whole day can bum you out.

At such times, the kindest thing a friend can tell you is what Emily has written on the card below. At such moments, you don’t really need your best friend to say pragmatic things like, “I’m sure you can always take care of yourself!” or “Dude, you don’t need to define yourself by your relationships status”, or “You’re too modern a person to care about these dumb labels that society makes up, anyhow!”

When you are feeling kind of lonely, you don’t need someone to quote divorce statistics, or remind you of how lousy so many relationships are, or say, “Hey, Valentine’s Day is just an artificially-manufactured holiday, created by marketers to sell cheap chocolates and greeting cards!”

At such times, you don’t need a friend who will judge you for what you might want. Nobody should ever judge anybody for what they might want.

At such times, you really need a friend who will say, “I love you, and someday you will find a partner who will love you as much as I love you.”

It’s just nice to hear. Especially when it is said with certainty.

(I know it’s nice to hear, because there were times in my life when I had friends who said these words to me, and I was grateful.)

I mean, of course you know that you are FINE. You are better than fine. You are awesome, and you know that. We all know that. You’re STUPENDOUS, and you will always be stupendous. Whatever happens. You know that, right? We all know that.

But still. It’s a weird holiday, and these words of certainty and love can be nice to hear.

So, in conclusion:

For all of you who are happy in your relationships right now, I send you love.

For all of you who are unhappy in your relationships right now, I send you love.

For all you who are happy to be alone right now, I send you love.

But for all of you who are unhappy to be alone right now, we ALL send you love. Today all of us (all the big-hearted friends in this generous and sweet community) will say it together: “You are amazing, and we love you. We hope someday you find the person that you long to find. Until then, you have us.”

Then you can go back to being awesome. Which you are.

(And thank you, Emily McDowell, for always doing such beautiful and soulful work. WE LOVE YOU, TOO!)

Heart always,
LG (Elizabeth Gilbert)

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Love is..

 Love Is Bringing Each Other Pancakes

Love is bringing each other pancakes

 Love Is Looking After Each Other

Love is caring for each other

 Love Is Celebrating Together

Love is celebrating together

 Love Is Having Someone To Listen To Your Problems

Love is cheering each other up

 Love is Watching Your Favorite TV Shows Together

Love is chilling out with your favorite snacks

 Love Is Enjoying Each Other’s Company

Love is having someone to relax with

 Love Is Always Helping Out

Love is helping out

 Love Is Amazing Hugs

Love is hugging

 Love Is Just Being With Each Other

Love is just simply being with each other

 Love Is Making Each Other Laugh

Love is laughing with each other

 Love Is Sharing With Each Other

Love is sharing

 Love Is Shopping Together

Love is shopping together

 Love Is Singing Together

Love is singing together

 Love Is Having Someone To Hold When You Sleep

Love is someone to hold at night

 Love Is Dancing Together

Love is someone to let go with

Love Is Surprise Hugs

Love is unexpected hugs

 Love Is Visiting Places Together

Love is visiting places together

 Love Is Looking Out For Your Partner

Love is waking up your partner when they need to get up

 Love Is In The Small Gifts

Love is watching your partner when they don't realize you are looking

 Love Is Someone Holding You When You Feel Sad

Love wipe away tears

 Love Is Cooking For Each Other

Love home cooked dinner

 Love Is A Comfortable Silence

Love is a comfortable silence

 Love Is A Kiss On The Forehead

Love is a kiss on the forehead

 Love Is Appreciating The World With Your Partner

Love is apprieciating the world around you

 Love Is Laughing Over Dinner

Love is doing special things with your partne

 Love Is Doing The Difficult Jobs Together

Love is doing the difficult tasks together

 Love Is Getting Into Routines

Love is doing things together

 Love Is Falling Asleep On The Sofa

Love is falling asleep on the sofa

 Love Is Trusting Your Partner And Having Fun Together

Love is having fun together

 Love Is Tucking Each Other In

Love is looking after each other

 Love Is Magical Moments

Love is magical moments

 Love Is Thinking Of Each Other When You’re Alone

Love is missing each other

 Love Is Waking Up Your Partner To Say Goodbye

Love is remembering to say goodbye

 Love Is Precious Memories

Love is sharing special memories

 Love Is Napping Together

Love is someone to share the world with

 Love Is Someone Holding You When You Cry

Love is someone with you when you feel most alone

 Love Is Being Proud Of Your Partner

Love is supporting each other's successes

 Love Is Surprise Kisses

Love is suprise kisses

 Love Is Going Out Of Your Way To Make Your Partner Happy

Love is surprising each other

 Love Is Playing Around Together

Love is playing with each other