I woke this morning with the thought on my mind… Am I really sick? I’m beginning to think I’m not really sick and that it’s chronic stress that is the root of all my problems, and that removing all the stress is the remedy.
I know I deserve love and peace, but what is going on with my family is unfair.
I have written them a letter – just random thoughts that popped into my head. I will never post it, but I have made the choice to remove them from my life.
Things need to change in my family.. and maybe they never will, but all I know is that I’m not going to pay the price anymore for holding on.
Time to let them all go so I can live and be healthy.
You may find my letter quite negative but this is how I feel, so tired of all the bs. It’s making me lose my spirit and my health.
The thought of them out of my life makes me feel peaceful.
Letter To My Family:
Today I question.. am I really sick?
Or am I just surrounded by a sickness ..
You all seem fine.
You all work and socialize .. you seem to live.
You act happy.
It’s only me who’s not able to work or socialize.
I have chronic health issues.. depression, anxiety, immune disorders and an extreme stress disorder..
But I still question am I really sick?
I guess you believe I have a mental illness.. because I suffer from depression.
But you do not understand C-PTSD is a psychological injury not a mental illness.
You do not care to understand
Maybe I am perfectly normal.
And these are all normal responses to the amount of stress I’ve been under.
Maybe I’m the only healthy one in this narcissistic ‘system’.
Looks can be deceiving.
I guess I look the sick one..
Have I been surrounded by unhealthy people my whole life ..
Traumatized by the people who should have loved me and cared about me.
You know I keep smiling. I can see the big picture. I understand why you’re all like this. It’s okay… I forgive you..
That’s kind of me.
That’s me … kind, understanding, forgiving.
The question really is…
Why don’t any of you have the courage and integrity to heal this, to speak up, to rock the boat a little, to make changes, to be honest..
To fight for me..
You all behave like cowards.
Is it okay to let someone you ‘love’ suffer because you don’t want a little discomfort in your life of lies.
You all know what happened and you all keep quiet and judge/ blame me instead.
You scapegoat me.
You silence me.
Ostracized for trying to speak the truth.
You use my good nature against me.
You cannot be my family.
Family don’t treat someone that way.
I don’t know who or what you are.. but I do know I am not like you..
Never will be.
Maybe you’re sick, sad, unhealthy people.
I pity you.
Maybe I am not sick, sad or unhealthy.
I suffer the symptoms of abuse, extreme stress and neglect, I can recover from that.
Recovery by removing the abuse, stress and neglect from my life..
And family …that is all of you.
I cannot have any of you in my life.
I can forgive you for my own health’s sake,
But I will never forget your cowardly, cruel, shameful behavior.
My therapist told me not to burn bridges..
That’s the problem – I listened to her..
But I think I’ve listened to her.. and waited for you all long enough.
I’ve wasted a whole lot of living on you.
I should have listened to my gut and walked long ago.
That’s was my fault..
I know need to let you know that I have had enough
I’m moving on from the drama, the secrets, the lies, the cover ups
You protected yourselves but you never protected me.
So now my dear family, I will let you all go..
Love your daughter, your sister, your mother.