Narcissistic Families …

I woke this morning with the thought on my mind… Am I really sick? I’m beginning to think I’m not really sick and that it’s chronic stress that is the root of all my problems, and that removing all the stress is the remedy.

I know I deserve love and peace, but what is going on with my family is unfair.

I have written them a letter – just random thoughts that popped into my head. I will never post it, but I have made the choice to remove them from my life.

Things need to change in my family.. and maybe they never will, but all I know is that I’m not going to pay the price anymore for holding on.

Time to let them all go so I can live and be healthy.

You may find my letter quite negative but this is how I feel, so tired of all the bs. It’s making me lose my spirit and my health.

The thought of them out of my life makes me feel peaceful.

Letter To My Family:

Dear Family,

Today I question.. am I really sick?

Or am I just surrounded by a sickness ..

You all seem fine.

You all work and socialize .. you seem to live.

You act happy.

It’s only me who’s not able to work or socialize.

I have chronic health issues..  depression, anxiety, immune disorders and an extreme stress disorder..

But I still question am I really sick?

I guess you believe I have a mental illness.. because I suffer from depression.

But you do not understand C-PTSD is a psychological injury not a mental illness.

You do not care to understand

Maybe I am perfectly normal.

And these are all normal responses to the amount of stress I’ve been under.

Maybe I’m the only healthy one in this narcissistic ‘system’.

Looks can be deceiving.

I guess I look the sick one..

Have I been surrounded by unhealthy people my whole life ..

Traumatized by the people who should have loved me and cared about me.

You know I keep smiling. I can see the big picture. I understand why you’re all like this. It’s okay… I forgive you..

That’s kind of me.

That’s me … kind, understanding, forgiving.

The question really is…

Why don’t any of you have the courage and integrity to heal this, to speak up, to rock the boat a little, to make changes, to be honest..

To fight for me..

You all behave like cowards.

Is it okay to let someone you ‘love’ suffer because you don’t want a little discomfort in your life of lies.

You all know what happened and you all keep quiet and judge/ blame me instead.

You scapegoat me.

You silence me.

Ostracized for trying to speak the truth.

You use my good nature against me.

You cannot be my family.

Family don’t treat someone that way.

I don’t know who or what you are.. but I do know I am not like you..

Never will be.

Maybe you’re sick, sad, unhealthy people.

I pity you.

Maybe I am not sick, sad or unhealthy.

I suffer the symptoms of abuse, extreme stress and neglect, I can recover from that.

Recovery by removing the abuse, stress and neglect from my life..

And family …that is all of you.

I cannot have any of you in my life.

I can forgive you for my own health’s sake,

But I will never forget your cowardly, cruel, shameful behavior.

My therapist told me not to burn bridges..

That’s the problem – I listened to her..

But I think I’ve listened to her.. and waited for you all long enough.

I’ve wasted a whole lot of living on you.

I should have listened to my gut and walked long ago.

That’s was my fault..

I know need to let you know that I have had enough

 I’m moving on from the drama, the secrets, the lies, the cover ups

You protected yourselves but you never protected me.

So now my dear family, I will let you all go..

Love your daughter, your sister, your mother.


When Life Robs You..

Mental Illness

Mental Health is an industry..

An industry trying to sell an unsuspecting public on the idea that the way to ‘fix’ unwanted behaviour and feelings is with a brain chemistry altering pill.

These pills are now named ‘lifestyle’ drugs..

So now you can live your life in a way that is not ‘your truth’ and not feel too bad about it.

And after all if everybody’s doing it then it must be okay.

Maybe I have a problem with the way they are marketed, or that people use them long term without making changes in their lives.. believing their minds are deficient in some way..

So why do I felt so strongly …  because I suffered from chronic depression for 40+ years and I learnt a great deal..

The real problem is we were not born to be mindless sheep.. we were born to have personal power.

Some of us lost ours…  some very early on due to abuse, neglect, trauma, others guilt or bad decisions or a combination.

… life has robbed us..

I have always found people who experience depression or emotional, spiritual or psychological suffering to be deep thinkers, highly intelligent, visionaries, idealists, creatives, sensitives, salt of the earth types.

They ‘see’ things as they really are but all too often they remain passive to change anything. Often out of fear or that they allow themselves to get pulled along by the wolves of this world.

They fail to see the power they truly have and end up instead ‘willing victims’. They conform and lose their voice.

This causing internal unrest, distress and confusion- really a great lack of inner peace, as they are not being true to themselves or their beliefs or even who they really are..

Being a sheep is never a great option for those of vision.. that indeed would make you depressed, distressed, and have your mind fluctuating between what is right for you and what is wrong for you..

I have alway seen them as the sensitive good in an often evil world. I see them as people who have important gifts.

I just wish they could see themselves as that and get up, get constructively angry, look at the big picture on what they need to heal and go on to make their own small but significant mark in this crazy and often evil world.

Maybe they need that as motivation to get up, to heal their life, to change, to live their dream and to take back their personal power.. than some ‘lifestyle’ pill.

People suffering with depression and mental confusion need to allow themselves the time and space to heal. They need courage and encouragement, love, warmth, understanding, compassion, someone trustworthy to hear them, to look into their pasts, to gain self respect, self love, self compassion and self confidence and to take back their power.. and live their dreams.. whether that be to assist others in some healing way, bring beauty into this world, or love and compassion, make healthy changes in industry, politics, medical fields etc..

Your vision is needed..

Love and baby steps,



Don’t Believe The labels..

“Mental Illness”

Believe the labels you are given and you will remain a victim all your life..

Labels are for jars not people. Mental illness. Help end the stigma.

Oh ‘I’m bipolar’… really…. why are you bipolar? Do you know why?

I am a depressive… why? Why are you a depressive?

Let me assure you there is very real reason..

I am schizophrenic – and there is nothing they can do, except medicate me… really who is they – is that the medical profession? Well, let me tell you that is true, that is all the medical profession can do for you..

I have Chronic fatigue syndrome… again WTF …

Oh.. the doctors tell me it’s how my brain works and there is nothing they can do about it… except take my meds regularly.

Well maybe your brain can heal?…

Do you really believe doctors know everything there is to know about you and your individual emotional, physical and spiritual needs..

The real fact is people can heal… the hard thing for people to accept is it is their responsibility to heal and it takes a lot of work..

The next fact is not everyone will heal.. Why?

Because it’s hard, so hard that many would prefer to die than heal.

It is not your doctors responsibility to ‘fix’ you. They will try to assist you …  but it is your choice to be proactive outside the medical field or be as inactive as you want about it.

I am not anti medication – some people need it and they know they need it. For some people it’s a lifeline during their healing.. for others its something the feel they need for the rest of their lives..

Some people are willing to accept their diagnosis – I wasn’t. But there are people who have support systems that purely focus on accepting and ‘coping’ with their ‘illness, dwelling in their misery, believing every sacred word some ‘specialist’ says and never moving forward or changing.. Some play the blame game – I’ve been guilty of that, all it does is keep you a victim for far too long.

There are also people who never give up the search for answers.. who delve into heal their physical, emotional and physical selves

There is a reason for schizophrenia, for depression, for mental illness, for bipolar.. god the list goes on and on.. often they are serious reasons that you are yet to find out on your healing journey – so don’t accept yourself as mentally ill, or mentally weak or lazy, or unmotivated, or weak or less than anyone else.. Have the courage to keep searching and you will find the answers..

Basically you are ill at ease.. and you can be ‘ill at ease’ on all or many levels

For some people it is easier to be sick than to heal. Because healing you have to take responsibility for yourself and often you have to face your biggest fears.

It’s estimated 5% of people will actually heal themselves.

Those people would do whatever it takes to heal even if that meant leave their job, security, partner, family.

What are you really willing to lose in order to heal? Everything you think is safe?

You have to overcome fears to heal.. abandonment, survival, failure, your own potential etc..

Often healing means making huge changes, healing also means facing huge fears and dealing with great loss and pain.

Healing takes work…and it actually may take you years of mental pain and anguish to work through the emotional and spiritual side of what is causing the unbalance and ill at ease problems in your life.

It may not even be your fault it often stems from your childhood.. but still only you can ultimately heal yourself.

I spent a lot of years searching for what was ‘wrong with me’…

I allowed myself the time and space to heal. I went through every field, medical, natural health, spiritual guidance seeking… and refusing to believe depression was the natural state I was born to live in. I spent 5 years every week religiously with a therapist, I couldn’t work from the pain I was in and from feeling and processing so much. I refused medication and dealt with the pain. Although I did self medicate on sugar binges..

I’ve been thinking about some the labels and diagnosis’s I have been given. Doctors told me I didn’t have classic symptoms.

I have always been a rebel. I have never been a conformer and I read and read and read and learn maybe that’s what saved me..


I was..

Chronically Depressed

M.E –  Myalgic Encephalomyelitis (This is what they diagnose anyone who is chronically fatigued and they don’t know why)..

Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (Got this one 2 years ago)



Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (another bullshit label..)

I must admit I spent my life avoiding the humiliating medical profession and delved into healing my spirit.

I don’t go to doctors and I haven’t taken a antibiotic in 20 years.. I did try anti depressants once and mild anti psychotics for c-ptsd but lasted one week with a fuck this shit attitude. Once lithium was offered. Maybe the lithium may have been better than the sugar binges. Sugar made me fat..

So have I functioned – no not really but through the pain and suffering I gained wisdom.

What was really making my spirit so depressed.

Was it my marriage, my career, my childhood, my historical past, some evil force – I searched everything

.. and as I searched I found everything.. and it was all of that.

What I found were the causes of my mood swings, my physical pain, my 47 yr depressed state, my isolation, my search of meaning in life, my chronic tiredness, my hypervigilance, my extreme sensitivities, my dissociation, my feeling like I don’t fit, my feelings of failure

I got from my 20+ years search, more answers than I could ever have imagined or believed..

And what I found out after my huge healing journey is that there is nothing wrong with me. 

I am unique, perfect and special just the way I am..

whether I have down days, hypervigilance etc..

My life has made me who I am today and I am amazing because of it..


The Science that Links Depression to Your Spiritual Awakening

Do you suffer from existential depression? (click picture):
By Alex Pietrowski

Is depression simply a disease as many psychiatrists and doctors would have us believe, or is there tremendous potential for personal growth and spiritual awakening locked up in the struggle against this common ‘disorder?’

For those who are battling, or who have already conquered depression, there is certainly no one size fits all answer, but, according to one of the world’s foremost experts on the relative study of mind and spirit, Dr. Lisa Miller, severe depression and spiritual experience are two sides of the same cognitive coin.

Her idea is perhaps best presented with this metaphor: depression and spiritual awakening are two sides of the same door. On one side is the total possibility of despair, hopelessness and isolation, and a look through to the other side reveals equally strong shades of spiritual satisfaction, inner peace, and connection to all that is.

Personally driven by her own despair and depression that resulted from infertility and a lack of being able to find her and her husband’s lives worth living without their own children, she began, ever so slowly to awaken to the messages of healers and helpers that seemed to arise serendipitously on her path, offering hints at greater possibilities for happiness and fulfillment.

Slow at first, her rise in awareness of how the universe was speaking to her through others quickly gave way to a flood of synchronicity, events that were simply far too meaningful to be described as coincidence. Synchronicity, remarkably, is one of the most important and commonly shared experiences or features of the process of human awakening, and individuation onto the soul’s proper path.

The synchronistic events in her life ultimately gave way to a letting go of sorts, a submission to new possibilities, a release, if you will, of previously held notions of what she thought happiness was supposed to be or to mean in her life.

As a researcher and professor of clinical psychology at Columbia University, Lisa ended up in a position of critical curiosity about the nature of depression: is it a disease or not? If so, how can a disease be caused by emotionally charged events in one’s life, such as the loss of a family member, or in her case, the lack of being able to create a family?

The causal link simply did not fully add up, thus she applied her skills as a scientist to the matter and came upon a significant discovery about how the brain is physically constructed with regards to its disposition of being in a depressed or spiritually connected state. For in her eyes, these two concepts seem to mirror each other philosophically, so why not scientifically?

Researching this with her team at Colombia, they discovered that yes, indeed, the actual substance of the brain where depression and spiritual fulfillment are registered are remarkably different with each of these states, reflecting a genuine physical polarity to accompany the metaphysical connection. The study began by recruiting some of the most depressed people she could find, especially those with a long family history of crippling depression, then looking at people with equally long lineages of spiritual presence.

They realized that the subjects all had a similar condition in the cortex region of the brain, and in the case of the depressed participants, the brain’s cortex was literally withered and underdeveloped, as though it had been starved. Similar to how a plant reacts to insufficient water.

Conversely, when looking at spiritually awakened subjects, those with a rich history of happiness and feeling connected to physical and spiritual realms of our multidimensional existence, these same regions of the brain were markedly stronger, more robust and larger, looking like the broad trunks of healthy trees.

“What we found, was that in precisely those regions of the brain which  atrophied and withered in lifelong depression, for those people with strong personal spirituality, there was thickening of those very same regions. The cortex was thick, as if you were looking at a tree in the Amazon, versus a tree withering in the cold and drought.

Depression is not always an illness. It can be… but very often, depression, as every one will face it, is core to our endowment and core to our development.” –  Dr. Lisa Miller

Another fascinating thing that they found, indicating what clinical science can show about the spiritual path, is when they looked at women who, “through suffering had come to a spiritual path, with nice thick cortexes, they also had another quality. The back of their head gave off a certain wavelength of energy that we call alpha, and its also found on the back of the head of a meditating monk.”

Of the possible frequencies that the human brain can naturally operate under, such as alpha, beta, delta and gamma, alpha is the same frequency as the Schumann resonance, the known frequency given off by the earth. In other words, those on the spiritual path, with healthy and vibrant brain cortexes, are operating at the same frequency of our home, the earth.

“The spiritually engaged brain vibrates at the frequency of the earth’s crust.” – Dr. Lisa Miller

Final Thoughts

This information can uplift many of the millions of people struggling though depression and looking for some hope to find their way out of the isolation, despair and darkness of this common condition. The more deeply a person feels depression, the greater the possibility for spiritual awakening that sets a person firmly on the spiritual path.

“The world is alive and infused with that sacred field we might measure as high amplitude alpha. Knowing this, we live into an inspired life. All life of meaning that is not one that we create, but one that is truly in the fabric of the world. We live an inspired life.” – Lisa Miller

Take a listen to Dr. Miller’s beautiful and uplifting story. At the very end she reveals an incredible even that adds even more to this story of synchronicity and inspiration.


About the Author

Alex Pietrowski is an artist and writer concerned with preserving good health and the basic freedom to enjoy a healthy lifestyle.



Changing Your World by Changing Your Story: Reinvention in Hard Times

Rewrite the story you tell to yourself and others. Look for the blessings in your past experiences. They have given you a great strength that can become your opportunity to make a real difference in the world. Make the choice, reclaim your power, and be the solution. ~ James Redfield

This kind of seems to suck (Or does it?)

I am going to painfully honest here. I am, at the moment, I am pretty much homeless. I am literally sleeping on the couch of a friend. (And, I might add, very grateful to have any place to stay at all.)

As I write these words, my worldly goods, stack up to a cellphone, a car – for which I am also very grateful- an (admittedly) banged-up laptop, and a cell phone. Take that and add or subtract a bag clothes (including two pairs of work out jeans), and you have the grand sum of my worldly worth at this point in time.

So what? Why does this matter? Basically, it doesn’t.

That is, unless I want it to. My point in sharing this is not to say poor me, but rather to say this: I am not, you are not, your possessions or even your accomplishments to date. No matter how it all seems, the value of each circumstance is in your head.

That’s right. It is all based on what you think.

Everything in your world is simply a storyboard based on your understanding of what it means or matters. It is all open to interpretation. You, and you alone, at the one who sets a value on the circumstances you face.

You can, at any time, change the storyline in your head and thereby change your fate. You can y cast yourself in your life-play as anything you want. The victim. The hero. The one who gave up or the one who gave all.

This is your moment to be brave, to choose a different path and tell yourself, and the world at large, a different story.

You get to choose how you will respond.

You always get to choose. You may not think so, but you do. In that sense, it does not matter if you are in prison or have a past. We all have a past. But in this moment, even with that you can always make a choice to respond differently, to change the way it unfolds.

Be the hero of your own story

Do you want to be the person who was broken or the one who moves beyond the situation? Do you want to live your grandest dream, live your brightest hope and write a story in which you overcome it all?

It does not matter if you are homeless or live in a mansion. It does not even matter how you have failed in the past. You have this moment, this opportunity to be something greater. How? It is not really all that complicated.

My advice:

Rewrite the meaning of whatever you are facing. See yourself as you long to be. And while you are at it, why not make a difference for someone else? Helping someone else may just be the empowerment you need. How do you do that?

Simple: Listen to your soul.

Ask what it longs for. As what you are hungry for, thirsty for and then seek to give that gift to others. As a child, did you thirst for encouragement? Did you long for shelter or a kind word?

Then it is your moment to shine, here and now, for others who need love. Rewrite the plotline. Have you found yourself alone, or broken? Then seek to heal and uplift in the way you needed it. You understand a need because you lived it.

Go and do as you wished others had (or have) done for you. Rinse and repeat. It does not have to be big or fancy. It just needs to be genuine. It can be as simple as smiling at a stranger or as grand as helping to build a home for a needy family.

You are the solution.

Do not look around you in fear that there is no hope. YOU are hope. You are the missing piece. You have the power as soon as you make the decision to be love in motion.

So go now, and live it. Live it with all your might. Make the world better. Make a better you. I know you can do it and I will be here, cheering you on as you cross life’s finish line.

Namaste my brothers and sisters. Today is going to be a good day. All you have to do is choose it.

*** By Victoria Cayce, a freelance writer, shaman, healer, energy worker and spiritual teacher. As a writer, she covers both mundane and spiritual topics.  CayceWritingCompany@gmail.com



Energetically Sensitive Souls

Oh wow… SG x

In the new paradigm, we do not become more productive and action-oriented by rushing through life, bullying ourselves, or intimidating our innocence into submission. Instead, we become more inspired, motivated, and intentional when our hearts have been honored, accepted, nurtured, and loved as never before. Perhaps you have come to see how the force of your will cannot create what only the softness of your approach and the elegance of your gaze can ever bring forth. No matter the outcomes you chase or the agendas you maintain, what if you stopped for one moment and asked yourself: “How much more thoughtful, gentle, supportive, and kind must I be to myself in order to feel safe enough to succeed, prosper, and shine at my highest capacity?”

What you perceive as self-sabotage is ultimately the grace of your innocent nature momentarily deferring the advancements of external success, until loving yourself becomes your highest priority. Once your priorities have been rearranged from the inside out, you will find an effortless flow that guides you forward to manifest the incredible success, immaculate health, radiant wholeness, and infinite-flowing prosperity that you were always destined to discover. Even when you think: “I’m already doing that”, may it be used as an opportunity to embrace impatience at a deeper level by loving the one who is still attached to specific outcomes as they have never been loved before.

While many beings seem to be successful prior to becoming their most loving self, it is but a cosmic set-up that leads to an existential realization that all the money and success in the world cannot create the wholeness that comes to life through our oneness with divinity. While this set-up is common for narcissistic-type egos, the energetically-sensitive soul traverses a different journey altogether. An energetically-sensitive soul typically has an inferior ego to integrate. Instead of being fed by believing it is better than others, it is an ego fueled by feeling inferior or less than the world in view. Because energetically-sensitive souls play such a key role in anchoring light for the awakening of humanity, we have signed up for a journey, where our internal spiritual alignment gets established before we taste the joy of worldly success, existential wholeness, infinite abundance, and unwavering confidence.

When spiritual alignment comes before worldly successes, we are able to honor each triumph as manifestations of our connection with Spirit without creating attachments to the things that naturally come and go. As the old paradigm collapses and a new era of humanity dawns, success, fame, prosperity, and power will be accessible to the degree of one’s alignment in love and expansion of consciousness. This hasn’t been the case in the past, but it is the wave of the future that we live out, as a foreshadowing for those who are unware of a deeper spiritual impulse that calls them home.

As self-worth elevates through the practice of self-love, one’s highest qualities begin to blossom. Once rooted in the garden of humanity and fully blossomed, a fragrance emanates from the core of your being, unlike any other fragrance that has ever been known, to accelerate the evolutionary process for all growing seeds. From this space, you step into the light of your highest potential as you dare to receive first the endless wellspring of eternal blessings that inspires the world around you to follow your lead.

There is no such thing as waiting for others to heal before you become whole, or waiting for a world to awaken before opening your eyes. Instead, you must dare to go deeper and joyfully into the ecstasy of self-care and unconditional love, further than anyone else around you seems to go, in order to become a beacon of hope that illuminates a path to invite every heart out of hiding. This is our destiny and it is now time for the best chapters of our epic saga to be revealed for the well-being of all. No matter how long you’ve been waiting for the old to end, in reality, you’ve been waiting for this moment – a point in time where a brand new reality begins. Welcome home, Eternal One. Welcome home.

Matt Kahn


Love And Compassion


At the meetup group I go to, there is a woman about 45 who is a really beautiful soul, it just shines out of her. I noticed she has some very deep (old) cutting scars on her arms. They would of been so painful. She’s healed now but I wanted to put my hand on them and bend down and give them a kiss. She’s so beautiful she didn’t deserve that kind of pain. I didn’t do it because it would be weird but my heart wanted to. I hope she has a man in her life that sees how beautiful she is and kisses her arms everyday.