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Letting Go Of The ‘Shoulds’

Overcoming depression by focusing what do you really want to do..

I have a huge ‘should’ list and it’s weighing me down. Actually my ‘should do’s’ often hang around not getting done. Maybe subconsciously I know they’re not important, but it seems not fully addressing them gives them some power to make me feel heavy.

We’ve all been conditioned to do what we should instead of what we really want or really need for our own well-being. Sometimes doing what we want or need seems illogical (based on conditioning)   .. and that plays in our mind and stops us from listening to our instincts and ploughing forward.

When I say wants, I’m not talking about whims.. I’m talking those things that will truly bring you peace, joy and happiness.

Most of the things I ‘should do’ are about family/ societal conditioning.  It’s no wonder I often feel torn about my direction and decisions in life. Often I feel damned if I do and damned if I don’t, and that causes paralysis.

If I question my activities on the basis of what I want and intuitively need to do rather than what I ‘should do’ I always have my answers.

The courage comes in just doing it regardless of what everyone else thinks, of pushing through and letting go of your own perceived guilt.

You feel so much lighter when you get rid of those monkey’s on your back..

‘Should do’s’ become burdens and we all need to drop the weight.

Below I’ve added an anonymous comment from a man regarding this topic – read on, it’s good..

SG x

 

This is something I wrote recently from my experience for a person who was suffering from depression. It maybe helpful..

Stop.

Slowly peel off each layer of conditioning/expectation that has been accumulated since you were born.

To do this reexamine everything you do and check to see if you do it because you feel you “should” do it or because you genuinely want to (or intuitively need to).

Go back to that childlike state where you first look out for your own needs. Experience what it truly means to know what you want rather than what other people want you to be (or do). When you have reconnected with this person stay there a while to enjoy being this person and practice resisting the subtle and not so subtle influence of others to go back to that person you had been conditioned to become.

When you are sure you know the real you, out of this strength choose to do the things you really want or to help others out of your own volition rather than out of obligation or old feelings that you had. This will mean that each choice you make carries no feelings of resentment or guilt that can slowly build up and destroy you.

Always be on guard that you don’t fall back into the practice of doing things without awareness of your own true wants/ needs..

Always make a conscious decision to act because you choose to…not because any other misplaced emotion such as guilt or habit.

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The Painful Lifestyle Of A Super Sensitive

What to do when your high intuition is a right pain in the ass!

This post is about a recent painful experience regarding my instincts or intuition.

My high intuition has caused me great problems socially and if you read on you won’t be surprised… I’m sure it’s the main reason I isolate and avoid meeting new people.

This experience below is not uncommon for me and as I get older or maybe healthier my instincts are getting stronger and clearer. This is hard to explain but sometimes I meet people and I just know their story – I know what happened, and I often know the very thing they are trying to hide even from themselves.. their shadow aspect..

Often If I don’t see their story from this life, I’ll see their story from a past life perspective.

Now I don’t experience this with everyone, just some people and some I get loads of info and others a little.

I believe a lot of being able to see these things has to do with love. The people I see things in generally have healing challenges to face or overcome..  and as I have a great deal of love and empathy for people who are suffering in some form, love seems to cause me to blend with them and understand their situation on a soul and emotional level – a level where I can see and feel what they have been through..

Sometimes I see things out of fear – I think when I’m being hypervigilant due to fear  – I ‘consciously look’ for my own safety … maybe due to this, I stop going with the flow and it becomes maladaptive and causes me problems.. I’m not sure .. or maybe sometimes and with certain people I just need to be careful.

 This last painful experience taught me something … and I have now decided that although I trust my instincts and my visions, I need to ‘use my head’, stop and think rather than be instantly reactive regarding what I perceive intuitively.

I need to be a little more objective rather than subjective and take note when I am working from fear rather than love.

 It’s not fun being highly intuitive, it’s annoying, very often it’s emotionally painful and as it is super stressful I eat only an alkaline diet in order to stay well. It has caused me major problems to understand myself and to make friends and my life would be a whole lot easier without it. I wish I could turn my radar off but it seems to be something I receive on a subconscious level.

It’s know it’s got to be maladaptive if it causes me to spend my life alone. So I guess I am going to have to learn how to effectively handle it, ignore it or somehow put it to good use..

So here’s what happened..

A few months ago I joined a local ‘social group’ because for the first time I was feeling very lonely and I really felt the need to connect with people, make friends and after 5 years alone, I really felt I was ready for love (if it happened) so I thought I’d start by getting out and meeting some new people. Up until this point I was comfortable being alone and recovering my health.

When I first arrived at the group one particular member, a male stood out to me and I intuitively ‘knew’ I would get to know him better. Truth be known I had a flash vision that showed us as potential lovers (weird right.. who needs that when you first meet someone. (.. no wonder I stay at home)    :o(

* A flash vision is not something I imagine or dream up, it is a visual image that pops into my head usually representing ‘the past’ or ‘the potential future”.

During the meetings we barely spoke to each other, and naturally I felt kind of awkward around him the 3 times I saw him, and then out of the blue he privately messaged me to meet him for a coffee.

I was VERY surprised when I received a private message, I never even knew he could access me privately. It was pretty weird and pretty ballsy of him to be honest… but on another level I somewhat expected some sort of connection to eventuate due to what I had perceived.

Anyway we planned to meet up in about a week’s time… I wish it had been the next day as a week was a looong time to wait..

How my week went prior to our catch up…

First up I felt fine – actually really excited! Then as the days went on I started feeling sick with anxiety. Then I stopped sleeping well and became restless. I started to wonder why he messaged me? Maybe he was simply looking for a friendship, or…maybe he was interested in me… that felt weird as he seemed a lot younger than me (he looked around early to mid 30s..) I am 12 to 15 years older..

I started getting really nervous about this, and as you imagine my ‘flash vision’ certainly didn’t help things..

I had been sleeping perfectly fine but now I was restless and waking on and off in the night with my intuition giving me insight..

Admittedly I had read everyone’s introduction to the group and the only thing I knew about him was that he had suffered from depression starting in his late teens and hadn’t been functioning well for many years.

My insight/ dreams /visions showed me this .. basically the cause of his depression.

At 19 someone very close to him died tragically. It was a woman and he had loved her very much. It was his first love but their relationship was hush hush – no-one knew they had an intimate relationship. (not sure why…  I didn’t see but maybe it was an affair???)

One afternoon they had a terrible fight and he said something very cruel to her – quite cutting. He did love her deeply but the relationship was too intense for him and his emotional maturity levels, he couldn’t handle all the secrecy and drama. It was unhealthy, and in the spare of the moment he spoke out in frustration and anger and then split up with her.

Anyway, heartbroken and distraught she threatened to kill herself. He really didn’t take much notice of what she was saying, or did he realize just how fragile she was..

Well, on the way home distraught she crashed her car at full speed into a tree.

Her death was considered a strange but completely random accident to everyone… (I’m not sure if it was suicide, or really an accident because she was driving fast at the time and being reckless because she was so upset..)

As no-one even knew that they were lovers, he never mentioned to a soul what happened, and to this day he has still never aired it to a soul, not a counsellor, not a friend.. really he has never let it off his chest..

On a soul level what I saw was that he still carries the grief with him to this day … and for many years, it has been the source of his depression and a source of underlying self punishment and guilt.

He also carries the love he had/ has for her and is still psychically attached to her spirit. This continues to hold them. Being ‘bound’ to another spiritually/ psychically is the same as being bound physically. Because of this he has never had a relationship with a woman since, and until he forgives himself and sets her free.. he will never find love or peace of spirit on earth. His deep and underlying feeling of guilt and self punishment is causing him to spend his life alone.

He is not consciously aware that this is the source of his depression.. because he doesn’t understand just how deeply the spirit can be affected. He has also attempted to bury it ‘logically’ … and deeply because to him it is just something that happened a long time ago. He is not aware of the attachment.

So what happened when I met him

Now to be honest – I had not purposely asked for this information but as I did feel threatened by the thought of meeting him, I think I subconsciously blended somehow with his energy – maybe to see if I was safe (hypervigilance).. I’m not sure..

I wonder if this is maladaptive hypervigilance?- can’t I just make a friend without going that deep – are my fears so great that I scan someone that deeply or is this just my healer, visionary and spiritual guide simply doing their job.. well I tell you it’s a tough and stressful job!!

Anyway I had not got quite all the story or puzzle pieces together by the time I met him, but I did have a few. I did know a woman he had greatly loved had died around the time he got depressed and I knew he carried guilt surrounding her death (I knew it was a car accident) and that this was the cause of his depression.

The rest came on meeting him and talking to him …

To be continued..

 

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The Shame Game

Are you playing the shame game.. ?

Keeping secrets, hiding a drug problem or disguising alcohol abuse are all warning signs that you could be.

Feeling embarrassed, guilty or remorseful will ensure you keep playing.

the hair, the dress... #illustration #painting #drawing

The Negativity of Shame

Shame can impact every aspect of your life so it’s important to know how to recognize it. Research professor Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW, says, “Women often experience shame when they are entangled in a web of layered, conflicting and competing social-community expectations. Shame creates feelings of fear, blame and disconnection.”

It’s easy then to see why shame is particularly prevalent in psychological disorders or drug and alcohol abuse. The internalized feelings of blame, guilt and fear promote the destructive spiral that takes a regular behavior and transforms it into an addiction. Similarly, shame goes hand in hand with denial, a defense mechanism that enables an individual to avoid the reality of a situation. This in turn prevents them from seeking the help they need.

Continue reading

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Sharing Your Shame Story..

‘Share with people who have earned the right to hear your story..’

“Guilt is just as powerful, but its influence is positive, while shame’s is destructive. Shame erodes our courage and fuels disengagement.”

~ Brene Brown

When something shameful happens in your life, who do you confide in? With whom do you share your story? Who are the people you feel that have earned the right to hear your shame story?

Watch this beautiful video to discover from shame and vulnerability researcher Dr. Brené Brown why it`s so important to open yourself up only to those people who have earned the right to hear your story and what are the six types of people with whom you should never confide in.

This woman is incredible.

You will love this interview.

Brené Brown on Shame

Source: purposefairy.com