Narcissists and Sycophants: A Marriage Made in Hell

The psychopath and the sycophant (“psycho fan”)960

Rantings and Ravings

Whether we realize it or not, we all have at least one narcissist in our lives. In fact, according to authors Jean Twenge, PhD and Keith Campbell, PhD, there is a narcissism epidemic in this country.  (The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement, Free Press, 2009, Twenge PhD., Campbell, PhD.).

After reading this eye opening book I found myself thinking about this subject in general and agree with the authors that narcissism is sweeping our country and wreaking havoc on the personal, social and professional relationships of the masses. Most of us, however, live in denial. We don’t want to view someone we look up to as a narcissist and we certainly don’t want to acknowledge the hold narcissists have on us and on the world at large. We also live in denial about the part we play in the creation of the narcissist and the perpetuation of…

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Feeding My Heart

stop stress eatingI’ve been overeating for about a month now. Feeding my heart, not my stomach.. I just allowed it, I was so bloody heartbroken. I haven’t behaved like this for years so I was surprised when my binge eating suddenly came back.

I don’t control my binges because I know something very emotional for me is going on..  I try to be gentle and kind to myself. I only control what food I choose to eat, but never how much . I don’t eat sugar, gluten or processed foods ever.. and bingeing on those make me really sick..

I barely cooked the last month. I’ve been watching movies and resting to tired to function, waking up each morning rolling over and thinking .. ugh.. another f*cking sunrise to wake up to bleary eyed and exhausted.

I’ve been holed up inside, haven’t seen much light, I’ve eaten potato chips by the bagful, rice pudding with honey, rice crackers and dip .. yum..

I ate and ate and enjoyed every minute of it, it soothed me. Sure I’ve gained some weight especially on my stomach and my jeans are now skin tight.. hey a bonus it saves a belt :o)

Anyway today I don’t feel the need to binge on carbs. Last night I made the decision to stop dwelling and take action, my family don’t deserve my tears or to rob me another day of my life.

So today I’m taking action and taking my life back. I’m going to sell my Grandmother’s handmade rug my mother told me I had to keep because it’s special to her, and my party business that my father begrudgingly made the furniture for. In fact I’m going to sell all the things that hold me to my past..

I felt very guilty at first but I know it’s something I have to do, an act of rebellion or defiance, an act to cut the bonds to my past once and forall. I have permission to cut the ties to my past..  my permission.

I know I deserve better, and I’m really looking forward to better :o)

Makes me feel sad but really powerful at the same time. Makes me feel in control of my life and my future. Makes me know the direction I want to head .. forwards ..  and not backwards ever again.

Love & baby steps,

SG x




Thank You For My Freedom

I'm outta here !!!! INFJ:

My family had a ‘all girls’ reunion on Sunday -my mother, sisters, aunties, cousins,  daughter, nieces. (I didn’t know about it I just happened by sheer coincidence to see the photos via Face Book – maybe it was meant to be…).

Although they could have invited me via mail or e-mail they chose not to, and that spoke volumes to me..

I am now officially not part of their family.

It’s true I had disconnected from them but the ball was always in there court to mend the rift, to be courageous and honest enough to heal our family. They know I have suffered chronic depression, C-PTSD and an autoimmune disease related to abuse and stress.

I’m the family whistleblower and it’s easier for them to let me go then let me speak and face difficult generational issues. They are not ready to face anything, they never will be and I guess they don’t have to. Somehow their conscience lets them sleep at night, but really I know they are all miserable in their lives.. shitty marriages, overeating, over drinking, chronic illness, chronic depression, medication, anger..

I love them so at first I felt sad and hurt.. but today I feel they have released me and given me my freedom.

I have healed.. and that’s the most important thing..

I kind of feel grateful to them for not inviting me because I now feel free to make the decisions I was stalling with because I was still holding on to them, love is a powerful thing as was the hope that they would pull me back into the tribe with love, understanding and open arms…. magical thinking right?

So thank you for releasing me from your prison once and forall. I accept you all and that you are not ready to heal, and may never be. I forgive you for the heartbreak and pain.

I’m going to have a fucking awesome future. I wish you could have been part of it.


SG xx



Emotional Bank Robbers

Where do you invest your love?

Is it time to change banks!!

I realize I have invested my entire life to emotionally bankrupt people. So much so that I have very little left energy wise, friendship wise, hobby wise, love wise, life wise ..

The moral – the more you invest (income, job, heart, home, time, effort, etc.) the stronger your need to justify your position. If we invest $5.00 in a raffle ticket, we justify losing with “I’ll get them next time”. If you invest everything you have, it requires an almost unreasoning belief and unusual attitude to support and justify that investment.

Studies tell us we are more loyal and committed to something that is difficult, uncomfortable, and even humiliating.

The initiation rituals of college fraternities, Marine boot camp, and graduate school all produce loyal and committed individuals.

Almost any ordeal creates a bonding experience. Every couple, no matter how mismatched, falls in love in the movies after going through a terrorist takeover, being stalked by a killer, being stranded on an island, or being involved in an alien abduction. Investment and an ordeal are ingredients for a strong bonding – even if the bonding is unhealthy. No one bonds or falls in love by being a member of the Automobile Club or a music CD club. Struggling to survive on a deserted island – you bet!

Abusive relationships produce a great amount on unhealthy investment in both parties. In many cases we tend to remain and support the abusive relationship due to our investment in the relationship.

In many cases, it’s not simply our feelings for an individual that keeps us in an unhealthy relationship – it’s often the amount of investment. Relationships are complex and we often only see the tip of the iceberg in public. For this reason, the most common phrase offered by the victim in defense of their unhealthy relationship is “You just don’t understand!”

I invested everything in my family .. I realize I actually have nothing else.. Nope it’s just them and my chronic ill health and depression (Hmmm – well there’s a link..)

They have high energy and get their returns everywhere (Yep they’re Emotional Bank Robbers). They don’t even need me – no wonder they find it so easy to give me ‘the silent treatment’ or shun me if I step out of their circle!!

So today I joined a couple of groups to meet new people and I made some decisions … First to change banks and start investing my love and time in new healthy people and projects .. somewhere where I get a return!!

I spend a lot of my time in an emotional prison and it’s torture. It’s a cycle of bullying, neglect, ostracizing, minimizing and rejection. So painful.

Two, essential!!! Avoid them with Low and for some NO Contact and gain back my power and energy.

Three – gain my returns (life, health and energy) by doing thing that bring me JOY. Joy would be a nice return instead of the heartache and depression I receive from my family..

Fourth, I am still deciding what role my family will play in my life.. ‘Low Contact’ or ‘No Contact’. My ex husband and daughter are a definite NC. My daughter nearly kills me with emotional bullying. I’m not sure what can heal it. Maybe time apart and her growing up and me getting busy!!  No amount of communication or counselling can heal a bully unwilling to take any responsibility for her cruel actions.

My son is LC – Birthdays, Christmas  etc..not sure about the rest (sisters, brother, Mother, Father..).

Just don’t feel I can play the nice understanding guy to them anymore. Maybe as I get busy with healthy people and joyful activities my huge investment with them will decrease.

At this stage I am taking space from them. I’ve got a feeling things will naturally grow apart without me saying any harsh words.

Just the act of getting stronger will either make them respect me or reject me. My children I feel will respect me, the rest of them I feel will reject me. In all reality I was never accepted from my birth as part of my family..

And sadly they like me weak.. and the unhealthy family dynamics won’t work with me strong..

So I’m keeping busy and looking forward!

It’s been hell but I’m getting.. well somewhere.

It’s fricking taking forever ?? :o)

Love & baby steps,

SG x


Be The Change

Breaking The Cycle Of Family Dysfunction

The Effects of Emotional-Psychological Abuse of a Child... Devastating implications for the child's future on so many levels, in so many possible ways....

This article by Tiffany Fletcher is a must read..

It’s so important to break the cycle of abuse for your own sake, for your childrens sake and for future generations.

All those that abuse have been abused themselves

SG x

Born to a mother diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder, I know a thing or two about a dysfunctional family and how to break the cycle. Here are some suggestions on how families can break the cycle of dysfunction in their own lives.

  • As the second oldest of six children born to a mother diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder (also known as Multiple Personality Disorder), I know a thing or two about a dysfunctional family. My mother had 14 alters, several of which were children and one of which was physically abusive.As a child, my older sister and I spent most of our time raising our brothers and sisters, shielding them from the abuse as much as possible and keeping our family dysfunction a secret from the members of our community. Several of my mother’s alters were addicted to prescribed medication. My father, a mechanic, spent all of his time working three jobs at times to help pay the bills that came from my mother’s spending habits and the demands of raising a large family. I share this background not to gain sympathy, but to help readers understand the dysfunction that I came from.

    By comparison, my family today is much different. I am married to an incredible man who knows exactly where I came from and loves me anyway. We have five beautiful children who have never known abuse. They are healthy and happy and we are a close knit caring family. The cycle of dysfunction and abuse has been broken and we are leading a happy life full of love and laughter. Here are some suggestions on how families can break the cycle of dysfunction in their own lives.

  • Be the change

    If your family is dysfunctional, you can’t sit and wait for change to happen. Don’t wait to be rescued. You must take action and start making the changes you desire. If your loved one has a mental illness, get him help. If you are the one with a problem such as alcohol or drug abuse, decide now to quit and to get the help you need.

  • Trust

    Do not try to do things alone. Find someone you can trust and share with him or her that you need help. Trust others and yourself in your abilities to make a change and trust God that He will be with you every step of the way.

  • Forgive

    Learn to forgive those family members who are causing you pain. You do not have to agree with what they are doing, but do not carry hate in your heart for them. It will take you to a place of bitterness and this is never a place where you want to be. Also remember to forgive yourself.

  • Love

    Learn to love your family members. Love them as children of God. We may never know why people do the things they do and we can’t ever judge them, only love them. I hated my mother growing up and it wasn’t until I had a very astute spiritual leader tell me that my mother was my savior, that I saw her differently. My mother was sexually abused by her father from the time she was 3 until she was 18 and left home to marry my father. That spiritual leader helped me realize that although my childhood was hard, it was nothing compared to the childhood my mother faced. If I allowed myself to love her, I could continue to break the cycle and my children’s childhood would be better than mine. That spiritual leader was absolutely right. The cycle is broken and it began with a simple act of love.

  • Be a survivor, not a victim

    Don’t let your circumstances hold you back. Victims use circumstances as an excuse for why they can’t move forward, but survivors use circumstances to propel themselves onward into greater success. Victims say they can’t do things because of what happened to them, survivors say they can do anything because of what they have been through and survived. I am a survivor and I can do anything. Make sure that you are a survivor too.

    The first step in breaking family dysfunction is getting help, and is an outward action. If there is dysfunction in your family, I urge you to take this first step today. Every step after that comes from within. Breaking family dysfunction can only come when the members within the family change the way they think which, in turn, will change the things they do. If you are still a youth living at home, changing your way of thinking now will make all the difference to your future family, breaking the cycle of dysfunction for your own children. To be the change, you first must change yourself.

Tiffany Fletcher, author of “Mother Had a Secret: Learning to Love my Mother and her Multiple Personalities”