Narcissists and Sycophants: A Marriage Made in Hell

The psychopath and the sycophant (“psycho fan”)960

Rantings and Ravings

Whether we realize it or not, we all have at least one narcissist in our lives. In fact, according to authors Jean Twenge, PhD and Keith Campbell, PhD, there is a narcissism epidemic in this country.  (The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement, Free Press, 2009, Twenge PhD., Campbell, PhD.).

After reading this eye opening book I found myself thinking about this subject in general and agree with the authors that narcissism is sweeping our country and wreaking havoc on the personal, social and professional relationships of the masses. Most of us, however, live in denial. We don’t want to view someone we look up to as a narcissist and we certainly don’t want to acknowledge the hold narcissists have on us and on the world at large. We also live in denial about the part we play in the creation of the narcissist and the perpetuation of…

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The Three Roles Of Victimhood

Okay, this is a must read for those from abusive/ dysfunctional families!!

I do find my predominant role in my family is the victim but sometimes I’ve been the rescuer … and lately, as I’ve expressed my anger.. (according to them.. ) I’m the perpetrator.

Read on, it’s enlightening!!

Love & baby steps,

SG x

The Drama Triangle

By Lynne Namka, Ed. D.

The three roles of the Drama Triangle are the three main positions that unhappy families play as described by transactional therapist, Stephen Karpman in 1968. The three roles are Perpetrator, rescuer and Victim that operate to keep people in the illusion of power. The roles incorporate learned patterns of habit and control mechanisms that bond people together in sick ways. They are symbiotic, destructive behaviors that affect all members of the family.

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How To Explain Your Toxic Family To Other People

I just read an entire article (it was long) on ‘how to explain to people why you have no contact with your family’..

I’ve got to admit I found it annoying.

I don’t feel I have to explain anything. I had my first experience of this on the weekend.

On Saturday I spoke to a guy from my meetup about how I’d had a bad last few months. I didn’t say much just that I’d been going through a rough spell over Christmas with my family as I had made the difficult decision to cut them out of my life.

In retrospect I guess that sounds pretty bad to the average person..

Suddenly he went on a rampage to say that he had ‘sensed’ all along I was a drama queen, and ‘who does that’ …  most people just accept people’s flaws without doing the drama of ‘divorcing’ them.

I didn’t react. Mostly because I know who I am. I’m not a drama queen. He doesn’t know the details of my life. And clearly what he said came from someplace else.

He made this assumption clearly in front of the entire group but I didn’t feel the need to explain any further.

I simply said that it was an act of self preservation.

I actually like this guy and I didn’t take it personally. I feel for him, his life is difficult and somehow I bring up a lot of stuff in him.

He came from a dysfunctional family of alcoholic parents, had a major car accident at 19, was told he’d never walk again but he defied the odds. Although .. in his words (people think I’m drunk when I walk..). He legs don’t work properly and sometimes he needs crutches. He probably late 30s and lives with his parents (I assume he feels he needs their help due to the accident, not sure).

Maybe my choices make him uncomfortable, because he knows he has to find a way to be independent of them.

He’s judgemental, cynical, bitter and unhappy. He’s in emotional pain. He judges me a lot. I almost feel he projects his mother on to me.

In the group everyone has been through some sort of personal hell. We’re all survivors, and we have made the brave decision to trust and love people again but it isn’t easy. 

So do I have to explain..

I remember years ago a 45 year old woman telling me she left home and had gone no contact at 16 years old from her mother. She never saw her again. 

I never asked why I just understood and assumed she must of had a damn good reason.

 Many years later she told me some details of her childhood, it was more shocking than I could have imagined. She never had to explain in detail to me, I had already accepted her choice without judgement.

Saying ‘my family are unhealthy for me and going no contact is an act of self preservation’ is enough. 

I’ve already been through enough ‘drama’

Any thoughts?

SG x




I Am The Parent

“I do not have to share everything I’m feeling with my children. Children in domestic abuse situations often take on the role of a parent, believing it’s their job to protect and take care of their mother or father. I will not put my children in that position. I am the parent, and they are the children. They might have been feeling responsible for me for a long time, and it may be hard for us to ‘relearn’ how to act with each other. Today I will begin trying. Children should be able to enjoy being children, and today I promise to give them that gift.”

~ J.R Smith



Let Go Of All Things Toxic

Emotionally, physically, spiritually..

Letting go and going ‘no contact’ with my toxic family feels so good on my stress levels. I feel I can finally breathe without them breathing down my back. I’ve changed my phone number and blocked them on my emails.

I finally realize they are the damaged ones and that I am the only mentally healthy person in my family.

I can’t believe what I allowed them to get away with… all in the name of ‘love’ of course…

I now have some healthy plans for my future and have met some healthy people.

Emotional stress is such a slow and painful killer.

Much love to all of you standing up and setting boundaries, or in the process of breaking free from emotionally dysfunctional partners and families

Love & baby steps,

SG x


Healthy Relationships Do Not Cause You Stress!

Healthy relationships whether with your partner, friend, mother or sister do not cause you to feel stress!!

Nor anxiety prior to meeting, nor dread or uneasiness..

Healthy relationship feel calming and safe…

…  the whole time!!

They are a safe haven to express your authentic self.

They give you life .. not death!

They feed your soul not deplete it..

The basis of how good a relationship is…

is on how safe and calm you feel.

Love & baby steps,

SG x


The Silent Treatment

The silent treatment is a well used emotional control tactic in my family.
Yep..  nothing hurts like ‘the big shut down’.
 And every time it seems to be me that re-opens the lines of communication. I also seem to be the one in the most pain from this tactic while everyone else continues to function..
No wonder I suffer from depression…
Right now my adult son and father are not speaking to me. There was no fight or argument. It’s that they wanted and expected me to do things they thought I should do and I didn’t … then I never heard from them..
My father I haven’t heard from for a few months now – my mother says he’s disappointed in me. Reason being that my business isn’t ready yet and he feels it should be, and my son only sees me on special occasions and doesn’t reply to my emails, I think he’s annoyed that I didn’t put my house on the market when he feels I should – but really who knows if he doesn’t talk?..
It’s painful and it makes me stressed and depressed. I withdraw out of the hopelessness of the situation.
Often the communication to heal things feels hopeless and difficult even when I try to be diplomatic and understanding. And then it happens again – there is always a next time..
In the past I use to apologize just to mend the rift. My family aren’t good on apologies..
I need to talk to them about how all this makes me feel, the emotional distress and dysfunction, control tactics (best not imply the word control – that will not impress them)..
They are people that if you accidentally say one word out of context you’re shut down again. I re-read my emails and think they are kind, open-hearted and beautiful but still it doesn’t work.. maybe I am too emotional for them (actually the real problem is that I’m emotional and they are not!) it ruffles their feathers and upsets their schedules and life they don’t like that – denial is their way of living – ha.. meantime I’m depressed for months..
Healthy communication and how to express your feelings without hurting people is vital … but really do I have to be the family teacher? Can they change and do they care?
Why is healthy communication and expression so hard to heal in narcissistic families.. and can I actually fix/ change/ expose things without shaming or blaming anyone .. and why should I???
 Really I just want to scream you pack of pathetic, weak losers you have tortured me for years with your control tactics and then pack my bags and leave for good. Maybe that will shake them up.. maybe the need the truth and they need to lose me.
I dream about finding people who understand the importance of healthy communication and are willing to work at it rather than shut down or run away.
 Getting angry about it just causes more problems.
I don’t think I can trust my family to ever stop or heal this dysfunctional behavior.
Expressing our feelings in a healthy manner is essential to be free of depression.
Should I keep trying  – I think not..
Ibeth in the comments section has given me the best advice… Ignore them, they won’t change and it’s not my place to heal them, it’s theirs.
Focus all your energy into something healthy… helping others, healthy living, create your life your way, mix with people that don’t cause stress and anxiety in you….’get out of the unhealthy system’.
Thank you ‘Ibeth’