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On The Eve Of My 48th Birthday

No more abuse

This week I went ‘No Contact’ with my entire family.

I have chosen not to see them again.. and I am completely serious about it (all of them and my entire extended family).

It has taken me 8 years to come to this hard decision.

I’m feeling all sorts of emotions. I’m feeling a great sense of freedom and the release of stress .. but I also feel some fear.

Fear that I am now completely alone aside from my 2 youngest children.

I wish I had made this decision earlier because my stress levels are very high, hair falling out, weight gain, lethargy, flare in my auto immune disorder and I am definitely a little dissociative – I am floaty and that makes it hard to function well. My stress levels must be reduced so the bullies must go…

Leaving them has been like leaving my long term abusive marriage.. it has taken time. I loved them, it was hard to let go but ultimately I have too in order to live.

I am now actively putting myself out there to meet a new group of healthy people..

Some amazing things have happened in the last few days. I saw a woman who advised me on some healthy next steps, she helped me immensely and I have found two groups of like minded people.

It seems when you let go of those that hurt you, and you heal your past you are rewarded with something new… something better. It’s so damn scary … and exciting!

So, I am alone tomorrow for my Birthday, no money and no plans. My two youngest are in Fiji for the school holidays. But strangely that feels absolutely perfect .. I would prefer to be alone than with a family that causes me such stress, grief and contributing ill health. It feels right, it feels relaxing and it feels like a gift to myself.

The gift of health…

I have a strong feeling I have some amazing Birthdays ahead of me  ..

Domestic Abuse