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Where To Find Support..

… when you have no money, no family, or no friends

Many of us have been neglected our entire lives and are used to surviving on our own, we are used to having no support and we are used to being neglected. We almost expect it, so we continue alone, hoping we can change things alone. We can be too passive and get over-looked. We all need capable support. People who are healed and that can support us in practical ways. People who believe in us and help us believe in ourselves again. People who can get us back into fighting mode. The key is to actively look.

Below are some ideas for where to find support..

Can't do this alone. by noukka

Women’s Centres/Men’s Centres – Essential!I pay only $15 for a counsellor and she’s wonderful. Great advice and support.

 Domestic Abuse phone lines – they are kind, experienced and will chat through and give advice on any problems (even after you got away from your abuser), give you ideas and put you through to other free support in your area.

Online Websites – Depression/ mental health websites, Abuse & Women’s Shelters, Facebook closed groups (Mental Health, Spiritual Emergencies, Highly Sensitive People, Narcissism) – ask around for advice on forums or chat rooms

Citizen’s Advice Bureau – legal questions, any question, also access to other forms of free support

Faith – Yep God, faith and prayer.. excellent support but remember God helps those that help themselves. So have faith AND take action.

Peer support (qualified) – talk to your doctor

Meetup.com groups in your area – (Anxiety groups cover mental health issues).. meetup is more social groups.

Your doctor can advise you of free talk therapy if you’re depressed etc.. There are agencies (other than Mental Health) that offer Government funded support for serious depression or inability to cope.

Any other ideas welcome…

The key is not to give up! Don’t give up if you have no money because you’re on a benefit – there is always free help. Don’t give up when your doctor isn’t helpful or doesn’t understand the depth of your issues, find another Doctor, don’t give up when the counsellor you go to isn’t a fit, keep looking, keep asking.

The key is to actively keep looking until you find the right people to build you up.

SG x

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Let Go Of All Things Toxic

Emotionally, physically, spiritually..

Letting go and going ‘no contact’ with my toxic family feels so good on my stress levels. I feel I can finally breathe without them breathing down my back. I’ve changed my phone number and blocked them on my emails.

I finally realize they are the damaged ones and that I am the only mentally healthy person in my family.

I can’t believe what I allowed them to get away with… all in the name of ‘love’ of course…

I now have some healthy plans for my future and have met some healthy people.

Emotional stress is such a slow and painful killer.

Much love to all of you standing up and setting boundaries, or in the process of breaking free from emotionally dysfunctional partners and families

Love & baby steps,

SG x

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Baby Steps to Wellbeing

Connect

illustration by kasia kurek

You can connect in so many ways. Connect with the people around you, such as your family, friends, colleagues and neighbours. Connect at home, work, school, or in your local community. Think of these relationships as the cornerstone of your life and invest time in developing them. Building these connections will support and enrich you every day.

  • Become involved in groups; meet-ups online (people with similar issues or interests) –  join your local craft, sports, choir, hobby or book club and enjoying singing, sewing, playing a card game, visiting gardens or croquet on the lawn together.
  • Host a potluck dinner, or have a street BBQ, with neighbours or friends/family and bring food from different cultures.
  • Gather some friends for a DVD evening; ask people to share a film they like.
  • Smile at a stranger – you may be surprised by the smile you get back!
  • Connect with the family, get into the great outdoors – go on a bush walk, go surfing or mountain bike riding.
  • Take time to read your local newspaper or newsletter – find out what’s going on in your area, such as music or cultural performances, then organise a group outing.
  • Have a family WIFI, TV and text free day and bring out the old board games you have – you may be surprised at how much fun they still are!Contact a friend you have not seen or spoken to for a while and talk, talk, talk!

Idea: Join a Social Anxiety Friendship Group or a Women’s Wellbeing Group

Give

Do something nice for a friend, or a stranger. Thank someone, smile, or volunteer your time by joining a community group. Seeing yourself, and your happiness, linked to the wider community can be incredibly rewarding and creates connection with the people around you. It feels good to give and everybody has something to offer. How will you play your part?

  • Join or start and develop a neighbourhood Time Bank.
  • Take opportunities to support and advocate for groups, friends, family or neighbours in need.
  • Give a smile away!
  • Organise or promote random acts of kindness days at school, work or when you’re out with a group.
  • While driving, stop to let a car into the traffic.
  • Offer to mow the grass verge of your neighbour.
  • Join a community clean up day – could be a local stream, river, beach or park – or a tree planting project with friends or family
  • If you have fruit trees pop your excess fruit out on the street with a “help yourself” sign.
  • Donate old toys, books, sports equipment, clothes etc to a local charity.
  • Help with school working bees and fundraisers.
  • Offer to help an older neighbour with their wheelie bins on rubbish/recycling days.
  • Give a compliment – acknowledge what someone in your life has done well.

Idea: Donate household items to charity

Take Notice

Be curious and catch sight of the beautiful, remark on the unusual. Notice the changing seasons. Try savouring the moment, whether you are walking to work, eating lunch or talking to friends. Be aware of the world around you and what you are feeling. Reflecting on your experiences will help you appreciate what matters to you.

  • Learn useful techniques for becoming more aware of life as it is happening. Stop for a while; take 10 mindful breaths in and out, calming the body and mind, then simply rest where you are noticing everything that is going on around you. This practice incorporates four keys aspects of mindfulness training: Stopping – Calming – Resting – Noticing. Together, these four steps are innately healing. Use an everyday environmental cue (the phone ringing, email alert etc) as a reminder to pause and breathe for three breath cycles, and take notice of the world around you.
  • Learn yoga or meditation, or have a massage to sooth and relax your body.
  • Be mindful of the first mouthful of food you eat. See if you can really pay attention to all the flavours and textures of the food, the act of chewing and the act of swallowing. During the following meal, see if you can be aware of the first two mouthfuls of food, and so on.
  • Take the opportunity to sit quietly in a busy place like an airport or a mall and notice the interactions between people.
  • Try to get out of your work environment during breaks. Go for a walk into a nearby park, being mindful of your breathing, your footsteps and the environment around you.
  • Spend time gardening or create a green space in your home or office where you could grow a few small planets, such as herbs, on a windowsill.
  • Take notice of the night sky. Be aware of what phase the moon is in and how the visible constellations change throughout the year.
  • Go for a bush walk, try to identify the different animal and plant species you see and photograph them while taking the time to really notice what you are photographing.
  • Practise gratitude; keep a diary by writing down three things for which you are grateful on a daily or weekly basis. Take the time to give a special thank you to people who support you everyday.
  • At the end of the day ask friends, family or colleagues what the best thing was about their day and listen with interest when they respond.
  • Begin meetings with a prayer or short reflection eg, an inspiring quote followed by a brief silent period, allowing people to breathe mindfully and bring their full attention into the room. End in a similar fashion.

Idea: Walk my dog at the beautiful local beaches

Keep Learning

Try something new or rediscover an old interest. Sign up for that course or take on a different responsibility at work. Learn to play an instrument or how to cook your favourite food. Set a challenge you will enjoy achieving. Learning new things will make you more confident as well as being fun. Seek out new experiences and dare yourself.

  • Learn something you don’t know about the area in which you live by checking out the local notice boards for interesting talks and events.
  • Write your bucket list – then try something you have always wanted to do but never actually done!
  • Start learning a musical instrument. How about the French horn or the harp?
  • Find and try out a new recipe for a meal, cake or dessert.
  • Commit to identifying a new plant every day for a year – in Latin.
  • Visit the local public library and see what new books, mags and talks they have.
  • Memorise a new word every week. Practice using it among friends and family.
  • Learn another language. Parlez-vous francais? Talar pu islensku?
  • Put your hand up for a new challenge/training in your workplace to broaden your knowledge.
  • Pass on any of the latest research you find that relates to your professional or sector.
  • Get your colleagues to bring their favourite non-fiction book to work for a book swap-learn about a new topic and your colleagues’ interests at the same time.

Idea: Local library, Study archetypes

Be Active

Fallen out of your running routine or into a rut? Use these running tips to get back on track! | Runner's World

Step outside, when was the last time you went for a bike ride, a jog or a walk in the fresh air? You could try playing a game or dancing with young ones. Check out your garden. Pulling some weeds or planting something new can help you work up a sweat. Exercising makes you feel good. Discover a physical activity you enjoy and one that suits your level of mobility and fitness. Do what you can, enjoy what you do, be active and move your mood.

  • Bring activity into the everyday, eg. use the stairs instead of the lift, walk to colleagues to talk with them instead of phoning, and get off the bus one stop earlier than your stop.
  • Try a ‘Have A Go day’ with a local sports group. Look out for what’s on offer, as often, free equipment and tuition is provided.
  • Take a family walk after dinner, or a longer one on the weekend. Let family members take turns to choose where to go.
  • Hold a family dance-off with different members picking the music.
  • Organise or participate in walking tours of local places of interest in your community or suburb.
  • Participate in a fun run/walk to raise money for charity.
  • Encourage senior students to put together a Top Town-style event for the junior school with wacky, fun activities that everyone can participate in.
  • Start or join a walking bus for school children.
  • Try tai chi classes for strength, balance and mental wellbeing.
  • Go swimming or water walking groups at your local pool.
  • Join a sports club to be active and meet people at the same time – tennis, bowls, touch rugby, netball, there is so much to choose from!
  • Find out the most popular sport among your colleagues and then organise a match or tournament for staff.

Idea: Join local gym – cardio

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Inspirational Reinvention Movies

Changes and Transitions – Creating A Life After Loss

Divorce . Loss of Loved One . Chronic Ill Health . Breakdown . Stress Burnout . Trauma . Identity Crisis .

Financial Loss . Job Loss . Addiction Recovery . Spiritual Crisis . Life After Abuse . Midlife Transitions

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Feel the fear and do it anyway…

Love and baby steps,

SilverGirl

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Broken Families ..

family portrait by ~29chelizi

“There is no such thing as a ‘broken family.’

Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents.

Families are made in the heart.

The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut.

If you cut those ties, those people are not your family.

If you make those ties, those people are your family.

And if you hate those ties, those people will still be your family because whatever you hate will always be with you.”

– C. JoyBell C

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The Beauty of Spending More Time Alone With Yourself

“Inside myself is a place where I live all alone, and that’s where I renew my springs that never dry up.” ~ Pearl Buck

Alone Series by Belhoula Amir, blue, bikini, sea, drawing, painting, art,

You know what I realized? That even though so many people don’t enjoy spending time alone with themselves, and even though so many people are willing to do whatever it takes to avoid solitude, it is in those moments when we are alone with ourselves that we can connect with the deep side of us. It is in those moments of silence and solitude that we can get in touch with that part of us that knows our real worth, the reason of our existence and what we are meant to do in this world.

There’s nothing frightening about spending time alone with yourself, nothing frightening about spending time alone in silence.

There’s nothing frightening about knowing yourself, accepting yourself and loving yourself for who you truly are. Nothing terrifying about taking the time to get curious about your soul’s needs and desires, and about your heart’s dreams, intentions and aspirations.

Solitude isn’t something that should scare us. On the contrary. Solitude is something that should excite us. Something that should bring joy and exhilaration into our hearts. Because only by spending time alone with ourselves can we discover what’s hidden deep within ourselves. And only by spending time alone in silence can we discover the beauty, the light, the happiness and the unconditional love that’s hidden deep within each and every one of us.

“We live in a very tense society. We are pulled apart… and we all need to learn how to pull ourselves together…. I think that at least part of the answer lies in solitude.” ~ Helen Hayes

We live in a world that teaches us to look for love, for happiness, for approval and validation in all the wrong places. To look for all the things that deep down inside we know we are worthy of having and of receiving, outside of us but rarely or never within ourselves. And because of that, no matter how much we are given, and no matter we gather we never seem to have enough. We always want more, more and more.

Have you ever wondered why is that?

Have you ever wondered why is it that even though we make more money, build bigger houses, surround ourselves with more people and more of everything, we never seem to have enough?

“When you are discontent, you always want more, more, more. Your desire can never be satisfied. But when you practice contentment, you can say to yourself, ‘Oh yes – I already have everything that I really need.” ~ Dalai Lama

What if life wasn’t really meant to be live this way? What if we weren’t meant to waste our entire lives always chasing something or someone?

What if our task here in this world is to love ourselves as much as we want the world to love us. And what if, through our actions and behaviors we are meant to inspire those around us to do the same?

What if you and I aren’t here to get love from one another, but rather to share the love, the beauty, the power and the happiness that is already present within us with one another? And what if you and I always were and always will be, whole and complete, overflowing with love and happiness and all the other things we are desperately seeking outside ourselves?

“Everything in the universe is within you. Ask all from yourself.” ~ Rumi

What if deep down inside, our prior condition is love, light and happiness? And what if we were never meant to beg for all of these things from those around us, by being whatever everyone expected us to be, and by constantly betraying our own soul just so we can get a little bit of love, happiness, approval and affection?

What if we got it all wrong?

What if life was never about being whatever everyone wanted us to be but rather about being the unique, authentic and precious beings we were born to be? And what if life was never about listening to the loud voice of those around us but rather of listening to the soft, quiet and wise voice that is present within each and every one of us?

“Your mind knows only some things. Your inner voice, your instinct, knows everything. If you listen to what you know instinctively, it will always lead you down the right path.” ~ Henry Winkler

This is what spending time alone in silence does to you. It quiets the mind and it awakens the heart. It puts all your fears to sleep and it awakens the powerful and magnificent love that is present within you, and within all of us.

The Sufi mystic and poet Rumi once said: “Silence is the language of god, all else is poor translation.” and I have come to realize this to be true.

When you are alone with yourself, alone in silence, you allow yourself to hear God… to know God and to be alone with God. And when you do that, all kind of magical things start to happen and all of a sudden you understand what is meant by these words: “They can’t say, ‘Here it is!’ or ‘There it is!’ You see, the kingdom of God is within you.”” ~ Luke 17:21

It is all within you… love, joy, happiness, abundance and contentment… it’s all within you, and the more time you spend alone with yourself in silence, the more it will be revealed to you. So take the time to know yourself, to be alone with yourself and to love yourself. Because only by loving yourself will you be able to truly and authentically love those around you.

With all my love,

 Source: Luminita Saviuc – purposefairy.com (Great site to check out)