As hard as it was I went back to the group today. I’m determined to push through my fears of social connection.
I have to.
I am determined to show up and be vulnerable and I know with that I risk possible rejection and ridicule.
I guess it’s a sure way to find out who accepts you, as you are – with all your dysfunction and quirks.
Often at the group I mention my experiences. My hypervigilance, my fears, my heightened intuition, my fears of men.
It was awkward today… I’m finding a few of the men hard for me to act at ease around. I can talk so easily to the others but I am so anxious around them that I can barely speak or look at them.
It’s much easier to stay home and avoid people.
Two of the men have now rejected me rather than try to understand me .. even when I tried to explain.
I’m crying as I write this, because it’s painful.
If I sense a man is a threat to me and I withdraw or get awkward… they sense that and then it’s uncomfortable all around.
I’m sure I’ll find a man that will understand that I’m terrified rather than rejecting .. and he will still accept me and try to love me anyway, even if I try to push him away and sabotage any friendship or possible relationship.
On the plus side – it’s good talking to the women.
So I guess that’s the risk , I am going to be rejected and ridiculed by some and accepted and understood by others.. painful as it is, it’s a sure way to find the right people..
How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Can Transform the Way You Live
“Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” ~ Brené Brown
What makes you feel vulnerable? What does being vulnerable really mean and why is it that so many people are terrified of sharing their own story with those around them?
Do you feel that being vulnerable is a sign of strength or a weakness?
Watch this beautiful TED Talk (I promise it’s worth the 20 mins) and discover how the courage to be vulnerable can transform the way you live your life in a very positive and meaningful way, helping you to connect with the world around on a deeper level.
Source: Luminita Saviuc
Whether it be a friend, a teacher, a child or a lover – each person you are destined to meet will challenge you to grow.