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When Valentine’s Day SUCKS..

For those alone on Valentines

SG x

WE LOVE YOU.

Dear Ones —

The fantastic graphic designer Emily McDowell (www.emilymcdowell.com) made this card, as a Valentine for a friend who might not have a Valentine right now, and who might be feeling sad about that.

Elizabeth Gilbert's photo.

I’m so touched by it. There is such love and kindness in this.

First of all, I should say this: Any of you who happen to spending this Valentine’s Day with the love of your life, God bless you. Enjoy every minute of it. Eat that chocolate. Drink that champagne. Put those roses in a crystal vase and stand back and admire them. We are happy for you.

Now. As for everyone else…

Sometimes it seems like Valentine’s Day was specifically invented to make a whole bunch of people feel kind of bad about themselves. I don’t like this aspect of the holiday.

There have been times in my life when I have been happy in a relationship, and other times when I have been deeply unhappily in a relationtionship. (Miserable, really. As they say, “There is sometimes nothing lonelier than the number two.”)

There have also been times when I have been very happy alone, and other times when I was deeply unhappily alone.

In other words, I am familiar with all the possibilities here, when it comes to love and happiness and unhappiness. I’ve tried it all.

We are complicated, and we can feel many things at many different times in our lives. We can feel sassy and independent at times, and soft and co-dependent at other times. But here’s something I know to be true, beucase I have experienced it: Sometimes, the fact is, we feel lonely.

It’s OK sometimes to feel lonely. We’ve all felt it. We’ve all had times where, even though we are doing well, and we are kicking ass in the world, and we are grateful for all the blessings in our life, and we are taking brilliant care of ourselves, there are times when we wonder, “Where is my partner? Where is my love? Why haven’t I found someone?”

It’s not like you feel like you need to be COMPLETED, for heaven’s sake. You know better than that. We all do. But sometimes people get lonely.

There is nothing wrong or strange about feeling this way. This is what it’s like to have a human heart. But at such times in life, let’s just admit it: Valentine’s Day SUCKS.

On any Valentine’s Day that happens to fall at a time in life when you are feeling the wrong kind of alone (not the great kind of alone, which is a very real experience, as well), the whole day can bum you out.

At such times, the kindest thing a friend can tell you is what Emily has written on the card below. At such moments, you don’t really need your best friend to say pragmatic things like, “I’m sure you can always take care of yourself!” or “Dude, you don’t need to define yourself by your relationships status”, or “You’re too modern a person to care about these dumb labels that society makes up, anyhow!”

When you are feeling kind of lonely, you don’t need someone to quote divorce statistics, or remind you of how lousy so many relationships are, or say, “Hey, Valentine’s Day is just an artificially-manufactured holiday, created by marketers to sell cheap chocolates and greeting cards!”

At such times, you don’t need a friend who will judge you for what you might want. Nobody should ever judge anybody for what they might want.

At such times, you really need a friend who will say, “I love you, and someday you will find a partner who will love you as much as I love you.”

It’s just nice to hear. Especially when it is said with certainty.

(I know it’s nice to hear, because there were times in my life when I had friends who said these words to me, and I was grateful.)

I mean, of course you know that you are FINE. You are better than fine. You are awesome, and you know that. We all know that. You’re STUPENDOUS, and you will always be stupendous. Whatever happens. You know that, right? We all know that.

But still. It’s a weird holiday, and these words of certainty and love can be nice to hear.

So, in conclusion:

For all of you who are happy in your relationships right now, I send you love.

For all of you who are unhappy in your relationships right now, I send you love.

For all you who are happy to be alone right now, I send you love.

But for all of you who are unhappy to be alone right now, we ALL send you love. Today all of us (all the big-hearted friends in this generous and sweet community) will say it together: “You are amazing, and we love you. We hope someday you find the person that you long to find. Until then, you have us.”

Then you can go back to being awesome. Which you are.

(And thank you, Emily McDowell, for always doing such beautiful and soulful work. WE LOVE YOU, TOO!)

Heart always,
LG (Elizabeth Gilbert)

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What to Do When You Don’t Know Your Next Step

"I've looked into the sky a hundred times and I've seen the stars that shine so bright. I'm sure that one of them is you, my friend, watching and waiting and hoping that I'll be alright."  -  Moonpools and Caterpillars

Guest Post

What do you do when you feel lost and don’t know what your next step is going to be?

What do you do when life no longer wants to help you achieve the many things you so desperately wanted to achieve?

What do you do when nothing you do seems to be right anymore, and when all your dreams, goals and plans seem to be falling apart?

For those of us who are very attached to this picture we have in our head of how life it’s supposed to be and how everything should function in this world, having things go different then expected can be quite a fearful, shocking and terrifying experience.

We like to think that we are in control of ourselves and our lives. We like to think that we are in control of what happens in our relationships, our homes and in the world around us, but he truth of the matter is that we have little or no control over any of these things. In fact, most of us have no control over our own thoughts and feelings, let alone the lives of those we love and the world we live in.

A Course In Miracles speak about this so beautifully: “You who cannot even control yourself should hardly aspire to control the universe.”

Life has its own path, it’s own rhythm, its own flow and its own purpose, and our job is not to control life, but rather to go with the flow of life. Our job is to follow the rhythm of life and not try to disrupt the natural flow of things.

When we try to interfere with the natural flow of life. When we make all kind of rigid plans and then desperately try to adjust life according to them, we can’t help but get hurt. How can you not get hurt when, instead of going with the natural flow of life, we desperately try to push against it? Thinking that our plans are better than the ones life has for us. And assuming that we are smarted and wiser than life itself.

Woody Allen once said that “If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” And even though for a very long time I couldn’t really understand what these words meant, because you see, I knew we have free will and that we are the creators of our own lives, I eventually got it. 

You see, I have come to realize that there are two sides to us. There is the mind created self who is fearful and selfish, constantly seeking for love, approval and validation in other people, in things, experiences, etc.. Constantly striving, but never arriving. This side of us that is rigid, attached to how things should be, how life should unfold and how everyone should behave. And who has no interest in letting go of control and putting its trust in life. And then you have the real you, which I like to call the Soul, or your Authentic Self.

This side of you is overflowing with love. Love for yourself and love for the world around you. This side of you knows the reason of your existence, and the purpose of your life. It recognizes itself in all things and all people, and it knows that everything that happens in your life, it’s meant to serve you, to grow you and to strengthen you. This side of you lives in peace, joy and harmony, and loves to go with the flow of life. It has no interest in clinging, in controlling or getting attached to rigid ideas, plans and concepts about how life should be and it seems to have no difficulties in trusting in the wisdom of life and dancing to life’s rhythm. And when you “get lost”, when you feel lost, it’s usually because these two sides switch places. Not because they want to, but because the real you, your Soul, is a lot stronger and a lot more powerful than your mind created self, and it’s constantly seeking to bring you back to the light, and back to living the life you are meant to live. Wanting you to experience your own beauty and perfection, allowing your light shine as brightly as possible so that others can recognize themselves in your own light and start living their lives from the Soul level as well.

 “It is good to feel lost… because it proves you have a navigational sense of where “Home” is. You know that a place that feels like being found exists. And maybe your current location isn’t that place but, Hallelujah, that unsettled, uneasy feeling of lost-ness just brought you closer to it.” ~ Erika Harris

So you see, when you get lost and don’t know what the next step is going to be, you shouldn’t be scared, since getting lost is just another attempt of your real self to bring you back on your life path. Back to helping you craft your life on a strong, loving and healthy foundation. Your Soul is there to guide you, to lead you and to help you take the necessary steps towards creating the truthful, loving, joyful and balanced life you truly deserve. Teaching you how to let go of the need to control everything, and helping you to relax into life. When you feel lost, your Soul is trying to get your attention, reminding you to be soft like water. To let go of fixed plans and concepts and allow events to follow their natural course. To surrender to what is and trust that by doing so, life will take great care of you. Because it will.

P.S. In my next post I’ll share with you a list of things that you ca do as you work towards finding your way back into the light and back to walking the path your Soul is meant to be walking. So keep an eye on your email :)

With all my love,

* Another great post from Luminita Saviuc at ‘Purpose Fairy’ (purposefairy.com)

Gallery
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Chill

Find a Beautiful Space in Nature that Uplifts You & Restores your Spirit 

Yesterday I took my dog for a walk and chilled out in the middle of a park in the sun. I haven’t felt so peaceful in many years. I lay in the grass looking up a the clear sky while my little dog ran around exploring the new area. For once, I felt no pain in my body and no stress in my head..

Bliss

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The Beauty of Spending More Time Alone With Yourself

“Inside myself is a place where I live all alone, and that’s where I renew my springs that never dry up.” ~ Pearl Buck

Alone Series by Belhoula Amir, blue, bikini, sea, drawing, painting, art,

You know what I realized? That even though so many people don’t enjoy spending time alone with themselves, and even though so many people are willing to do whatever it takes to avoid solitude, it is in those moments when we are alone with ourselves that we can connect with the deep side of us. It is in those moments of silence and solitude that we can get in touch with that part of us that knows our real worth, the reason of our existence and what we are meant to do in this world.

There’s nothing frightening about spending time alone with yourself, nothing frightening about spending time alone in silence.

There’s nothing frightening about knowing yourself, accepting yourself and loving yourself for who you truly are. Nothing terrifying about taking the time to get curious about your soul’s needs and desires, and about your heart’s dreams, intentions and aspirations.

Solitude isn’t something that should scare us. On the contrary. Solitude is something that should excite us. Something that should bring joy and exhilaration into our hearts. Because only by spending time alone with ourselves can we discover what’s hidden deep within ourselves. And only by spending time alone in silence can we discover the beauty, the light, the happiness and the unconditional love that’s hidden deep within each and every one of us.

“We live in a very tense society. We are pulled apart… and we all need to learn how to pull ourselves together…. I think that at least part of the answer lies in solitude.” ~ Helen Hayes

We live in a world that teaches us to look for love, for happiness, for approval and validation in all the wrong places. To look for all the things that deep down inside we know we are worthy of having and of receiving, outside of us but rarely or never within ourselves. And because of that, no matter how much we are given, and no matter we gather we never seem to have enough. We always want more, more and more.

Have you ever wondered why is that?

Have you ever wondered why is it that even though we make more money, build bigger houses, surround ourselves with more people and more of everything, we never seem to have enough?

“When you are discontent, you always want more, more, more. Your desire can never be satisfied. But when you practice contentment, you can say to yourself, ‘Oh yes – I already have everything that I really need.” ~ Dalai Lama

What if life wasn’t really meant to be live this way? What if we weren’t meant to waste our entire lives always chasing something or someone?

What if our task here in this world is to love ourselves as much as we want the world to love us. And what if, through our actions and behaviors we are meant to inspire those around us to do the same?

What if you and I aren’t here to get love from one another, but rather to share the love, the beauty, the power and the happiness that is already present within us with one another? And what if you and I always were and always will be, whole and complete, overflowing with love and happiness and all the other things we are desperately seeking outside ourselves?

“Everything in the universe is within you. Ask all from yourself.” ~ Rumi

What if deep down inside, our prior condition is love, light and happiness? And what if we were never meant to beg for all of these things from those around us, by being whatever everyone expected us to be, and by constantly betraying our own soul just so we can get a little bit of love, happiness, approval and affection?

What if we got it all wrong?

What if life was never about being whatever everyone wanted us to be but rather about being the unique, authentic and precious beings we were born to be? And what if life was never about listening to the loud voice of those around us but rather of listening to the soft, quiet and wise voice that is present within each and every one of us?

“Your mind knows only some things. Your inner voice, your instinct, knows everything. If you listen to what you know instinctively, it will always lead you down the right path.” ~ Henry Winkler

This is what spending time alone in silence does to you. It quiets the mind and it awakens the heart. It puts all your fears to sleep and it awakens the powerful and magnificent love that is present within you, and within all of us.

The Sufi mystic and poet Rumi once said: “Silence is the language of god, all else is poor translation.” and I have come to realize this to be true.

When you are alone with yourself, alone in silence, you allow yourself to hear God… to know God and to be alone with God. And when you do that, all kind of magical things start to happen and all of a sudden you understand what is meant by these words: “They can’t say, ‘Here it is!’ or ‘There it is!’ You see, the kingdom of God is within you.”” ~ Luke 17:21

It is all within you… love, joy, happiness, abundance and contentment… it’s all within you, and the more time you spend alone with yourself in silence, the more it will be revealed to you. So take the time to know yourself, to be alone with yourself and to love yourself. Because only by loving yourself will you be able to truly and authentically love those around you.

With all my love,

 Source: Luminita Saviuc – purposefairy.com (Great site to check out)