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Fear Based Depression

Not all depression is based on fear, but depression can be a sign that on a deeper level you need to face and make big changes in your life.

You may be feeling unsatisfied or unhappy in areas of your life but not sure how to address/ change these issues. Abandonment fears, survival fears, fear of failure etc.. come into play and hold you.

You may feel very indecisive, conflicted or experience episodes of cognitive dissonance. This is a sign that you are processing your choices on a deeper level.

Through this battle of the mind vs. the soul you will ultimately come to a decision regarding what is best for you. Taking action on your choice happens when you’re ready. Generally when you’ve had enough of being scared, conflicted, anxious, paralyzed, frozen and depressed.

When you’ve had enough of the pain and suffering. When the fear of staying in your present situation is greater than the fear of leaving or change.

When you feel you have a degree of support, when you have a plan, when you feel strong enough, and when you feel a degree of safety to move forward.

You come to a point of acceptance of what you need to do to be healthy and reduce your stress levels.

Often we are pushed to face our fears head on. Crisis pushes us to move forward. Feeling sick and tired of being scared all the time pushes us forward. Wanting more from life pushes us forward. Getting sick from unhealthy coping mechanisms pushes us forward. Losing relationships or our finances. Realizing that taking no action is a living death pushes us forward.

Fear based depression is painful but it is a process of growth. It takes time to understand, find support, gain strength and overcome your fears.

Be gentle.

Be patient.

Find support.

Even if it seems bleak and painfully slow, everyday you are moving forward. One day you’ll look back at this dark time and honour it as the time where you grew the most even if it seemed like you weren’t doing much at all. On a much deeper level you were, and you’ll be so proud that you reached the light at the end of the tunnel.

Love & baby steps,

SG x

Having anxiety and depression is like being scared and tired at the same time:

 

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Feeding My Heart

stop stress eatingI’ve been overeating for about a month now. Feeding my heart, not my stomach.. I just allowed it, I was so bloody heartbroken. I haven’t behaved like this for years so I was surprised when my binge eating suddenly came back.

I don’t control my binges because I know something very emotional for me is going on..  I try to be gentle and kind to myself. I only control what food I choose to eat, but never how much . I don’t eat sugar, gluten or processed foods ever.. and bingeing on those make me really sick..

I barely cooked the last month. I’ve been watching movies and resting to tired to function, waking up each morning rolling over and thinking .. ugh.. another f*cking sunrise to wake up to bleary eyed and exhausted.

I’ve been holed up inside, haven’t seen much light, I’ve eaten potato chips by the bagful, rice pudding with honey, rice crackers and dip .. yum..

I ate and ate and enjoyed every minute of it, it soothed me. Sure I’ve gained some weight especially on my stomach and my jeans are now skin tight.. hey a bonus it saves a belt :o)

Anyway today I don’t feel the need to binge on carbs. Last night I made the decision to stop dwelling and take action, my family don’t deserve my tears or to rob me another day of my life.

So today I’m taking action and taking my life back. I’m going to sell my Grandmother’s handmade rug my mother told me I had to keep because it’s special to her, and my party business that my father begrudgingly made the furniture for. In fact I’m going to sell all the things that hold me to my past..

I felt very guilty at first but I know it’s something I have to do, an act of rebellion or defiance, an act to cut the bonds to my past once and forall. I have permission to cut the ties to my past..  my permission.

I know I deserve better, and I’m really looking forward to better :o)

Makes me feel sad but really powerful at the same time. Makes me feel in control of my life and my future. Makes me know the direction I want to head .. forwards ..  and not backwards ever again.

Love & baby steps,

SG x