Healing from narcissistic abuse
Healing from narcissistic abuse
Creating Balance ~ The Bigger Picture Of Healing
After the experience with my daughter, I feel quite serious about writing a book about my life and what I have learnt in relation to healing.
It will be educational and not solely about day to day abuse or finger pointing. Rather it’s main focus will be on spiritual, emotional and physical understanding of healing and the balance needed between our masculine and feminine sides by using examples.
It’s a book about, the bigger picture.
We need to create the balance within us in order to heal, and then by using our hard earned wisdom together with our logic, we can unlock our full potential and use this to help heal an unbalanced world.
We all have this gift and that power within us. But being powerful in a potentially dangerous world is what scares us the most.
I’m no gifted writer like the many that are here on WordPress, so it will be challenging and a big undertaking, but even if it never gets published I think it’s something I need to do.
I thought about it in the past but it felt a daunting task. It’s complex and a great deal to put together and think about. I wrote 28 pages once for my lawyer and I was triggered and sick for weeks afterwards, so focusing too much on my specific abuse is not what I’m going to do, or want to do.
It’s definitely going to be a very slow process. Being free to work on it while I’m travelling would be awesome.
I may write under a pseudonym, but I’ll see once I start and just how in depth I decide to go. I feel this book has the potential to change the way mental health is viewed. (Thinking big haha)..
I haven’t had the courage to write about my spiritual experiences here on WordPress, but I will in this book. As part of my healing I delved into ancestral history, and the roles or archetypes played by our ancestors and how they are repeated in the present through our DNA.
So it will relate to each person’s perspective/ experience at different times historically.
Studying generational abuse, the origin of the cycle, and the spiritual reason why people abuse, history repeating, roles repeating etc..
Ultimately it’s going to be about education, spiritual healing and fearlessly unlocking your potential.
Love & baby steps
Signs of coercive control are hard to spot; support and information will help.
Paybacks. Silent Treatment. Isolation. Threats. Humiliation. Sometimes even physical abuse. These are the weapons of coercive control, a strategy used by some people against their intimate partners. A relationship that should involve loving support ends up as a trap designed for domination. Although coercive control can show up in a variety of relationships, the most common is one in which a man uses coercive control against his wife or girlfriend. However, people of any gender and orientation(link is external) can be victims or victimizers.
People subject to coercive control grow anxious and afraid. Coercive control strips away their independence, sense of self, and basic rights, such as the right to make decisions about their own time, friends, and appearance.
Many men who use coercive control also abuse partners physically or sexually, but some use coercive control without physical violence. Outsiders may not be able to see the signs of coercive control in a couple; those who use it are often quite charming.
Victims of coercive control often feel like hostages. Over time, being grilled, criticized, stalked, and monitored may seem routine and inescapable. Victims often blame themselves as they feel despairing and disoriented. It’s easy for a person in this position to lose confidence and accept a partner’s view of reality. They may feel confused as they are told again and again that they themselves have triggered their partner’s behaviors by doing something “wrong.” At the same time, to keep the peace, victims may suppress their own desires, silence their voices, and detach from loved ones. Unfortunately, victims often do not see the connection between their partner’s control and their own isolation until time has passed. Losing self-confidence and close relationships at the same time can be paralyzing.
People who get caught in the web of a controlling person are no different from others. They just have the bad luck to become involved with an abuser at a time when they are especially vulnerable. Typically, an abuser will lavish attention on a woman at the beginning of the relationship. Over time, he becomes jealous, monitors her whereabouts, and restricts her interactions with others. His partner thinks the original “helpful man” is the “real” him, and if she does things right, he’ll go back to being wonderful again. At times he may indeed act loving, if this seems like the best way to maintain his control. Loving acts become another controlling tactic.
Once a controlling man has caught a woman in his web, he will do everything he can to prolong the relationship. Sometimes he will threaten, stalk, assault, or even murder her if she leaves or he suspects she’s trying to leave. For this reason, even if there is no physical violence it is important for a person who is being controlled to contact a domestic violence agency and devise a safety plan.
Only a couple of decades ago, society named and recognized the problems of sexual harassment, dating violence, marital rape, and stalking. Coercive control needs to be similarly named and recognized, so we can begin to address it. We all need to learn more, so we can offer the right kinds of support(link is external) and not allow victims to become isolated.
* If you don’t like the word “victim,” feel free to substitute “survivor” or another term that you prefer.
Interested in learning more? Check out my book, Invisible Chains: Overcoming Coercive Control in Your Intimate Relationship(link is external).
The researchers said many children whose mothers were stressed when they were in the womb may be more susceptible to anxiety.You can read about this study in the journal Biological Psychiatry.
In this study, saliva samples were taken from 74 10-year old children. Samples were tested four times a day for three days (school days). The mothers filled in a questionnaire which asked them, among other things, whether they had experienced stress and/or anxiety during their pregnancy. They found that there was a clear correlation between high levels of stress during the mothers’ pregnancy and high cortisol levels in the children’s saliva.
The researchers pointed out that many other factors need to be taken into account when trying to ‘predict’ susceptibility to depression or anxiety later in life. Such factors as the child’s personality, environment, lifestyle and upbringing.
Cortisol levels can work both ways. Some mental health problems are linked to low cortisol levels.
Written by: Christian Nordqvist
From the book, Dragonslippers. Copyright © 2005 by Rosalind B. Penfold.