People often wonder why I am so passionate about what I do. Why bother working so hard whilst struggling to make ends meet when it would be so much easier to just “go and get a proper job”…
It wouldn’t be easier; in fact I’d most definitely completely lose the plot.
You see here’s the irony (life is indeed always a paradox):
This week I spoke at a conference on a revolutionary mental health transformation project in the NHS about how vital it is to talk openly about our feelings in order to avoid the repression of them causing mental distress. We are campaigning to de- pathologize human emotion as an ‘illness’ and redefine it in terms of a normal reaction to traumatic life experiences.
Hardly rocket science is it? Common sense really.
Then this morning I tried to broach talking about our feelings surrounding mum’s latest hospital admission with…
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Roadblocks To Our Destiny
I’m trying to create a new life and it often feels like there are a million blocks that are purposely placed in my path. It’s so frustrating! I’m continually having to adjust in order to keep moving forward.
Somedays it makes me down, some days it makes me tired, some days I feel defeated by the endless roadblocks, obstacles, walls, pit-stops, delays and detours. Wherever I’m trying to get to, it’s certainly not one straight line to getting there.
There really are roadblocks to our destiny.
I’m trying hard not to give up. I can make adjustments, climb over the walls, take detours even if they take longer and prolong my stress a little. I can figure out new ways to keep going..
I can’t afford to let challenges stop me or make me sink. I need to accept there will always be challenges and roadblocks.
Today I have felt a little defeated as my ex. is making my life difficult through the children, just when life was getting easier.
I pity him as he still has the need to control even though he has remarried and has another child..
I pity him but I refuse to pity myself!
This movie is a good example of roadblocks on your path and never giving up!
What is the best revenge against a narcissist?
This question is a search term which someone used online which brought them to my blog. Whether they found what they were looking for or not, I don’t know.
And I don’t know what the best revenge against a narcissist is.
I could relate my own experiences of the narcissists whom I have know and had to live with and deal with. But I did not go down the revenge route, other than the living well is the best revenge path (and it took me ages to figure that out and then do it).
I could say – Don’t go down this path, it is not recommended by me, not if you’re dealing with a real narcissist, someone with NPD, rather than just someone whom you think is a narcissist but isn’t one. If they are…
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I just gotta believe in myself and my abilities :o)
When Healing or Survival Is The Most Important Thing To You
Maybe in the past you had many things that were important to you and now you miss them greatly. You may feel that you were more compassionate or caring and giving and now you wonder where that side has gone. You miss that side of you. You miss many parts of your old life. You feel selfish because your life has become ‘all about you’ and you are worried that this may be permanent. Some once important aspects of your life you feel you are neglecting.
You may feel self absorbed, a little narcissistic even. You may wonder if all you have been through has changed you into a hardened b*tch.
Some days I feel hardened and I miss the softer me.
I think it’s normal to feel like this, because in regards to healing you have to make yourself the priority. You have to be numero uno on your list.
You have to learn ‘healthy narcissism’. You are becoming healthy.. you are learning about yourself and your needs.
Because of circumstances beyond your control, survival, self preservation and healing may have become priority.
It has to be like this, and it takes radical acceptance especially when you lose the things you value the most, but healing and survival have to take priority.
If you were a big hearted giver and got taken advantage of or abused, neglected or beaten down for many years, sometimes the pendulum swings from selfless to selfish as a survival mechanism.
Survival is serious. Survival is a life or death situation.
In time you will slowly come back to ‘centre’. You will find balance again. Not completely selfless nor completely selfish. You will have learnt to self care, to self protect, faith and courage. You will have learnt a great deal about ‘yourself’, including ‘who you are’, ‘who you choose to be now’ and ‘what is important to you now’.
The core of you is always there … don’t worry :o)
The things that are important to you like love, compassion, kindness, family, your children are always there. Maybe you just had to hand over the reigns for a while and love yourself enough to allow yourself this time to heal, to survive.
You will have the strength to focus again on those things that give your life real joy and meaning. Even though it’s hard and slow your life will only be better for this time of healing.
Love and baby steps,
Great post by Annie :o)
Emotophobia is the fear of unpleasant emotions, not to be confused with emetophobia, the fear of vomiting.
There is little online about emotophobia.
The few articles I found offered the suggestion to “stop treating negative emotions as if they are your enemies and can harm you.”
This is somewhat condescending and implies that emotions themselves cannot harm you.
The person offering this advice clearly has never been in a situation where showing negative emotions could harm them.
So, they think it is rather ridiculous that someone would associate their negative emotions with danger.
The problem with this thinking is that there are situations where someone’s emotions can cause them harm.
This advise shows a complete misunderstanding of emotophobia and its root causes.
People with emotophobia are not “treating” emotions as if they are the enemy.
For people that have emotophobia, emotions were the enemy and they were followed by consequences.
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Become known, become apparent, become evident, be revealed, come to light, come out, transpire, come to the fore, enter the picture, unfold, turn out.
Many of us need extended time alone as we heal. We’re regaining our strength, repairing our wings.
Separating from your old life and circle can be essential. Don’t judge it, don’t label yourself. Don’t believe that ‘you’re a loner’, or that no-one is like you, or that you don’t fit anywhere.
You just need time in your cocoon, don’t question the time, allow it.
You do fit .. you’re just no longer a caterpillar.
You’re growing and changing.
Your cocoon separates you from the caterpillars and it protects your precious budding wings. Those caterpillars will eat anything!
You’re not isolating, it’s a time of growth, self protection and solitude.
Have patience, when you’re ready to show your colours you’ll emerge and join the butterflies.