You hate to, but you have to..
You hate to, but you have to..
Fuck you and fuck off to the psychological abusers in my life.. Your lies, manipulations and deceit made me look the crazy one. Finally free of you and life is looking good :o)
Fear and self destructive behaviour – the saboteur of success.
I hear you fear, but I am the driver of this car, so take a backseat. I’m sh*t scared but I believe in myself. We’re going on a ride!
Pitfalls, Avalanches And Booby Traps
Often we feel completely ‘on track’ and are happily moving forward… and then ‘BAM!’ Something happens that completely blocks our path – like an avalanche!.. Or completely knocks you off your bike and you need major recovery time.
Maybe we’ve let a repeat offender back into our life (like a bullying family member), maybe we thought they’d changed .. maybe we’ve let a new charming partner in and now red flags are waving in our face.. We feel exhausted and frustrated during these times, now we are stressed, distressed and off track. We feel we can’t afford to lose more of our precious time, our precious energy, our precious life especially to repeat lessons, to repeat offenders.
Do we ever learn!
How many times does this have to happen before we learn?
First up, don’t be too hard on yourself. Yes we do learn, yes we are learning all the time. It’s just that there are pitfalls and many repeat lessons. We have to learn a lot.. how to take care of ourselves. We have to learn how to stand up, use our voice, be heard, sometimes not react, decide who is good for us, and who wastes our time and energy. There are decisions to make.. like what is most important to us right now, (is it survival and healing or finding a new partner, or connecting with those bullying family members?). We need to learn who to trust instinctively.
Often we need to say no, or ‘enough I will not be part of this drama any longer’. Sometimes we need the mindset “fuck you, I am important damn it”, and walk away.
Self care and self preservation while healing is your priority!!
We are in a highly vulnerable state, prone to bullying, to control that is disguised as ‘helping’, to damaged people, to love bombing, to people wanting only to take advantage of us.
Be cautious, be smart, allow yourself the time to gain your strength and heal, that may have to be your priority for now. Things that were once important will have to be put aside during this time. People that were once important to us may have to be put aside. You may have to go no contact for your own healing and SURVIVAL! You do want to live right?
Mix only with those that give you positive vibes and energy!! Even if that means you need complete space from Great Grannie Esme, Cousin Sue and your BFF!
Then you’ll notice that each time you come across that same old block, you’ll either spring back a little faster, a little more resilient. Or even better the day comes and you see it ahead and you say ‘fuck that again, that’s booby trapped! And you simply walk around it :o) The lesson is complete.
Finally it feels good to be ‘back on track’ A LOT wiser for your experience, and with less energy and time lost.
The longest and toughest journey’s are the most rewarding.
Love & baby steps
Calmer. I don’t need to be so strong anymore.
Feeling tired, vulnerable. Tired of battling. Letting go. Letting go of my need to control. Letting go of my rigidity. Accepting, softening. I don’t have to be so strong anymore.
I don’t really understand the illustration but it feels like how I feel.
I need to stop fighting, I need to float.
Feel the fear
I am terrified, absolutely terrified.
And I have every right to feel that way.
It’s okay that I’m scared, but I can’t let it stop me.