Acknowledging And Healing Your Control Drama
Control Dramas naturally begin in children so they can try to keep control of the sometimes uncertain connection to their parents’ love and attention—to ensure their very survival.
Children scream and throw tantrums to intimidate their parents into paying attention to them—learning to control others by being an Intimidator.
Some will pester their parents with constant questions or blatantly disruptive acts because they were absent or aloof—learning to become an Interrogator to get their attention.
Others will try to hide out or get away with surreptitious disruptive acts because their parents were intrusive and critical—learning to stay Aloof and distant.
Lastly, they may whimper and suck their thumbs in passive reaction to a threatening, intimidating parent—learning to survive by getting others to see them as a helpless Poor Me, needing their attention.
Characteristics of Thriving Children
1. I am capable.
2. I contribute in meaningful ways, and I am genuinely needed.
3. I can influence what happens to me.
4. My feelings are important, and I trust myself to learn from my mistakes. I have self-control and self-discipline.
5. I can make friends. I know how to speak out, listen, cooperate, share, and negotiate for what I want.
6. I can be counted on, and I tell the truth. Things don’t always go my way, but I can adapt when I need to.
7. I try to solve my own problems, but I know that if I need help, I’ll ask for it.
By instilling the seven beliefs above in our children we give them the greatest gift possible. When they really believe that they can make choices, learn what they need to know, and change their lives, they will naturally be able to connect with the flow of energy. As they see how energy responds to their intention, they will attract more coincidences for themselves and make decisions based on being in the flow. Filled with energy and a higher degree of trust in themselves and in the universe, they will be more likely to find and fulfill their purpose.
~ James Redfield
“I do not have to share everything I’m feeling with my children. Children in domestic abuse situations often take on the role of a parent, believing it’s their job to protect and take care of their mother or father. I will not put my children in that position. I am the parent, and they are the children. They might have been feeling responsible for me for a long time, and it may be hard for us to ‘relearn’ how to act with each other. Today I will begin trying. Children should be able to enjoy being children, and today I promise to give them that gift.”
~ J.R Smith
As the wounded child heals, he learns to accept all people – even those whose behavior was evil towards him. He develops a greater understanding of others and for why they behave the way they do. This sets him free to forgive and to stop judging and to stop fixing.
Wisdom through suffering, acceptance, compassion and forgiveness heals the wounded child and from their own wisdom and experiences they can then go on to assist in the healing of other wounded children.
Love & baby steps,
Awakens compassion and desire to serve other Wounded Children.
Opens the learning path of forgiveness.
Blames all dysfunctional relationships on childhood wounds.
Resists moving on through forgiveness.
The Wounded Child archetype holds the memories of the abuse, neglect, and other traumas that we have endured during childhood.
This may be the pattern people relate to the most, particularly since it has become the focus of therapy. The Wounded Child is accepted as a major culprit in the analysis of adult suffering.
The painful experiences of the Wounded Child archetype often awaken a deep sense of compassion and a desire to find a path of service aimed at helping other Wounded Children.
From a spiritual perspective, a wounded childhood cracks open the learning path of forgiveness.
The Shadow Aspect
The shadow aspect may manifest as an abiding sense of self-pity, a tendency to blame your parents for your current shortcomings and to resist moving on through forgiveness.
Choosing the Wounded Child suggests that you credit the painful and abusive experiences of your childhood with having a substantial influence on your adult life. Many people blame their Wounded Child, for instance, for all their subsequent dysfunctional relationships.
Watching movies related to one of your archetypes, especially when going through the process of healing your shadow aspect is a powerful tool to help you understand yourself (your motivations, your passions, your fears – why you behave the way you do).