The Intimidator, The Interrogator, The Aloof, And The Poor Me

Acknowledging And Healing Your Control Drama

Control Dramas naturally begin in children so they can try to keep control of the sometimes uncertain connection to their parents’ love and attention—to ensure their very survival.

Children scream and throw tantrums to intimidate their parents into paying attention to them—learning to control others by being an Intimidator.

Some will pester their parents with constant questions or blatantly disruptive acts because they were absent or aloof—learning to become an Interrogator to get their attention.

Others will try to hide out or get away with surreptitious disruptive acts because their parents were intrusive and critical—learning to stay Aloof and distant.

Lastly, they may whimper and suck their thumbs in passive reaction to a threatening, intimidating parent—learning to survive by getting others to see them as a helpless Poor Me, needing their attention.

Characteristics of Thriving Children

1. I am capable.
2. I contribute in meaningful ways, and I am genuinely needed.
3. I can influence what happens to me.
4. My feelings are important, and I trust myself to learn from my mistakes. I have self-control and self-discipline.
5. I can make friends. I know how to speak out, listen, cooperate, share, and negotiate for what I want.
6. I can be counted on, and I tell the truth. Things don’t always go my way, but I can adapt when I need to.
7. I try to solve my own problems, but I know that if I need help, I’ll ask for it.

By instilling the seven beliefs above in our children we give them the greatest gift possible. When they really believe that they can make choices, learn what they need to know, and change their lives, they will naturally be able to connect with the flow of energy. As they see how energy responds to their intention, they will attract more coincidences for themselves and make decisions based on being in the flow. Filled with energy and a higher degree of trust in themselves and in the universe, they will be more likely to find and fulfill their purpose.

~ James Redfield


The Orphan Child Archetype

Orphan . Abandoned

Light Attributes

Independence based on learning to go it alone.

Conquering fear of surviving.

Shadow Attributes

Feelings of abandonment that stifle maturation.

Seeking inappropriate surrogate families.

The Orphan Child is the major character in most well known children’s stories, including Little Orphan Annie, the Matchstick Girl, Bambi, the Little Mermaid, Hansel and Gretel, Snow White, Cinderella, and many more.

The pattern in these stories is reflected in the lives of people who feel from birth as if they are not a part of their family, including the family psyche or tribal spirit. Yet precisely because orphans are not allowed into the family circle, they have to develop independence early in life.

The absence of family influences, attitudes, and traditions inspires or compels the Orphan Child to construct an inner reality based on personal judgment and experience.

 Orphans who succeed at finding a path of survival on their own are celebrated in fairy tales and folk stories as having won a battle with a dark force, which symbolically represents the fear of surviving alone in this world.

The Shadow Aspect

The shadow aspect manifests when orphans never recover from growing up outside the family circle.

Feelings of abandonment and the scar tissue from family rejection stifle their maturation, often causing them to seek surrogate family structures in order to experience tribal union.

Therapeutic support groups become shadow tribes or families for an Orphan Child who knows deep down that healing these wounds requires moving on to adulthood.


Identifying with the Orphan begins by evaluating your childhood memories, paying particular attention to whether your painful history arises from the feeling that you were never accepted as a family member.