Lost My Colour

I lost my colour some time ago

I’m not sure where it’s gone

My days are dark

My nights are bleak

Words don’t come out

I cannot speak.

I cannot talk

I cannot write

I can’t create

Life’s became a fight

I could sing

When you were here

I could paint and colour

But then you left

Too scared to live

Too scared to love

Hiding under cover

Don’t you know

That when you went

You took with you

My rainbow too

So now we both must suffer

Love stays inside

You feel its loss

You cannot hide

It gives you glow

So take a risk

Be bold

Be brave

Live, love, go with the flow

You deserve it

I don’t think you know

… and without it..

Life is painted black.




I Was Sweet To Your Bitterness


I was strong
to do all you commanded
I was weak
to make that choice

I was brave
to face your twisted mind
I was fearful
of your retaliation

I was beautiful
but you did not see
I was ugly
as you made me

I was loving
to your unlove
I was generous
to your selfishness

I was soft
to your hard heart
I was flexible
to your inflexibility

I was sweet
to your bitterness
I was gentle
to your callousness

I was stable
to your insanity
I was creative
to your destruction

I was light
for you to extinguish
I was hope
for you to disbelieve

I was peace
to your terrible violence
I was honesty
to your lies

I was intelligent
before I met you
I was stupid
as you made me feel

I was whole
and you took it all
I was broken
and you crushed the…

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Letting Go

It’s 5 am.

I’m in bed in the dark typing away on my laptop. I’m crying. I’m so sad.

Sad doesn’t describe my sad.

I don’t have the words.

My nose is stuffed up and the tears have dripped down my face and on my dressing gown.

I’m letting go of something. What is it?

A dream I think.

A dream I had fought a long and hard battle for.

A dream that I cannot realize.

I’m not giving up the fight, I’m letting it go

Continuing the fight will only destroy me

I suppose there is finally a sense of peace

A sense of defeat

A sense of surrender

Accepting futility

Accepting reality

I adapt

I move on


Facing Your Shadow

I think most people hate that little voice

The one that speaks the truth

Do we want to hear it?

Maybe not

I hate my job..

I’m not fulfilled..

My partner’s not my match ..

Paralyzed by our greatest fears

We drown it out

Sugar, caffeine, tobacco, religion, drugs, alcohol, sex, work, technology

So many choices

So many ways to silence that voice

So many ways to stop feeling and thinking freely

Avoiding pain

We escape

Foolishly believing we are free


We begin to believe that others know what’s best for us

Subconscious deception?

We hold on

We hang in

We sacrifice

We wither..


We hand over our power

We hand over our souls

Fear has won



Are You Hiding?

Wake up..

Do not let fear consume you.

You are stronger than that.

What you fear is the past not your future.

It’s not relevant today.

It will be different, it will be amazing, it will be all your dreams

Throw off the blanket that hides your light

For you are safe

You are protected from attack

For you are a child of God


Be who you are

Who you are meant to be




Heeding The Call

I’m feeling a pull today.

The pull is demanding action from me.

I can’t hear anything – it’s just a knowing.

It’s strong.

Damn – it’s time isn’t it.

I had hoped it was all a dream.

I want to sleep, hide, run, keep warm, avoid.

For ten years I have done just that.

Trying to hold onto my life, my family, my reality.

Was what I saw real?

I remember now, I accepted something..

Damn – what a fool!

I don’t want this..  not little old me.

Damn soul.

 I have lost everything I love trying to hold on, keep safe, control my life.

I have lost people’s respect trying to play small.

I tried hard to make my life ‘normal’.

I wanted normal.

Damn again.

I am reluctant.

I am scared.

But I’ve run out of choices.

It must be big to have paralyzed me for ten years.

It’s all my dreams and fears combined.

I know I can do some good

I guess it’s time

I guess I’m ready

I guess I’m brave

I guess I’m strong

I know I’m not alone.

There are others feeling the same way.

I hope I find them soon

My kin

My family

Because I need you,

I think we need each other.


‘Be Who You Are Old Soul’


Finally I found me
This is ‘who I am’
I do not need to hide, or think I am less for a minute longer.
I never needed to fit, I just needed to shine in this strange dark world
 I am safe, I was always safe
I know who I am
I am a leader, a teacher, a wise one, an example
and you are too…
Now stop hiding
Stop being scared
Get up and get to work.
Go on, be ‘who you are’, brave soul
Who you always were..
Love & baby steps