Narcissistic Families …

I woke this morning with the thought on my mind… Am I really sick? I’m beginning to think I’m not really sick and that it’s chronic stress that is the root of all my problems, and that removing all the stress is the remedy.

I know I deserve love and peace, but what is going on with my family is unfair.

I have written them a letter – just random thoughts that popped into my head. I will never post it, but I have made the choice to remove them from my life.

Things need to change in my family.. and maybe they never will, but all I know is that I’m not going to pay the price anymore for holding on.

Time to let them all go so I can live and be healthy.

You may find my letter quite negative but this is how I feel, so tired of all the bs. It’s making me lose my spirit and my health.

The thought of them out of my life makes me feel peaceful.

Letter To My Family:

Dear Family,

Today I question.. am I really sick?

Or am I just surrounded by a sickness ..

You all seem fine.

You all work and socialize .. you seem to live.

You act happy.

It’s only me who’s not able to work or socialize.

I have chronic health issues..  depression, anxiety, immune disorders and an extreme stress disorder..

But I still question am I really sick?

I guess you believe I have a mental illness.. because I suffer from depression.

But you do not understand C-PTSD is a psychological injury not a mental illness.

You do not care to understand

Maybe I am perfectly normal.

And these are all normal responses to the amount of stress I’ve been under.

Maybe I’m the only healthy one in this narcissistic ‘system’.

Looks can be deceiving.

I guess I look the sick one..

Have I been surrounded by unhealthy people my whole life ..

Traumatized by the people who should have loved me and cared about me.

You know I keep smiling. I can see the big picture. I understand why you’re all like this. It’s okay… I forgive you..

That’s kind of me.

That’s me … kind, understanding, forgiving.

The question really is…

Why don’t any of you have the courage and integrity to heal this, to speak up, to rock the boat a little, to make changes, to be honest..

To fight for me..

You all behave like cowards.

Is it okay to let someone you ‘love’ suffer because you don’t want a little discomfort in your life of lies.

You all know what happened and you all keep quiet and judge/ blame me instead.

You scapegoat me.

You silence me.

Ostracized for trying to speak the truth.

You use my good nature against me.

You cannot be my family.

Family don’t treat someone that way.

I don’t know who or what you are.. but I do know I am not like you..

Never will be.

Maybe you’re sick, sad, unhealthy people.

I pity you.

Maybe I am not sick, sad or unhealthy.

I suffer the symptoms of abuse, extreme stress and neglect, I can recover from that.

Recovery by removing the abuse, stress and neglect from my life..

And family …that is all of you.

I cannot have any of you in my life.

I can forgive you for my own health’s sake,

But I will never forget your cowardly, cruel, shameful behavior.

My therapist told me not to burn bridges..

That’s the problem – I listened to her..

But I think I’ve listened to her.. and waited for you all long enough.

I’ve wasted a whole lot of living on you.

I should have listened to my gut and walked long ago.

That’s was my fault..

I know need to let you know that I have had enough

 I’m moving on from the drama, the secrets, the lies, the cover ups

You protected yourselves but you never protected me.

So now my dear family, I will let you all go..

Love your daughter, your sister, your mother.


Memory Lane

When ‘The Sound of Music’ premiered in 1959 it created an’ all things alpine’ craze which lasted into the mid 60s. That was the start of yodel-based music, swiss fondue love, swiss kitsch and dirndl fashion.

My Grandparents travelled extensively through Europe during those years. They had both worked hard and this had always been their great retirement dream. My Grandmother had run her own business for many years, and my GF was high up in the railways.

They would go away for 6 months, come home and then be off on some exciting new adventure again.

With all the treasures they collected from their travels their house was fascinating. My Grandmother had great taste and great style. She was also quite the magpie, and as they had a huge house … it meant they had plenty of spaces to fill up, and plenty of places for 10 curious grandchildren to explore and hunt for shiny things.

Nana stuffed things everywhere –  in drawers, in cupboards, in vases .. old postcards, travel labels, vintage embroidery trims, travel brochures, photographs, ornaments… it was exciting :o)

(continued below..)

Swiss Kitsch .  Alpine Style . Happy Heidi

Every trip she went on she brought each of us 6 granddaughters back a doll from that country (in it’s traditional costume) – remember those?.. and a traditional silver charm to add to our charm bracelets. We all had different charms but I remember a few of my favorites being a windmill that could spin around, a fish that could wriggle and a tiny cow bell.

I fondly remember my Grand dad’s collection of luggage and hotel labels that he had stuck underneath one of the coffee tables. I would often get under there staring up at them, dreaming of all the places they had been to.

Once they brought back a huge carved wooden cuckoo clock. I remember I used to wait patiently for the chime and the little bird to come out. I also remember – not so fondly.. how its loud ticking noise would keep me up at night.

My GM’s favorite song was ‘Edelweiss’ from The Sound of Music. All 10 of us grandchildren specially learnt the words, dressed up and sung it to Nana for one of her birthdays..

When my grandparents did both die it was like the end of an era. I vividly remember thinking that at the time.. and it made me sad. They were both born in 1910 and died in their 90’s.

Their children (my Aunties and Uncles) cleared out all their treasures and all the memories. I remember the big rubbish skip that was placed outside their house, and I remember them splitting up the valuable items between themselves.

I kind of wish I had got to keep some of the little things.. those non valuable things that were stuffed in Nana’s cupboards and were special just to me.

Love and baby steps,



One Way Ticket

Goodbye Home

Well, it’s time..

I’m finally leaving on Sunday, one way to Europe. And what a mission life has been ..  escaping and divorcing my ex, recovering from illness, surviving his wrath, selling my home and belongings, and the heart ache of having no other choice but to re-home my much loved fur baby.

I’ve had to let go of a lot of things I love in order to survive one dangerous man, in order to live well and be free. Divorcing him wasn’t enough, I had to let go of my home, my belongings, my family, my pets, my country… and maybe even my identity.

Not many would believe what I’ve been through. I find it hard to believe! My life was robbed from me, but now it’s time to rob it back..

I have been blessed, at time miracles have happened. Just when I needed it most amazing help has arrived that enabled me to keep going when I really couldn’t do it alone anymore. I am grateful.

I will finally be free of this sociopathic ex. A man who would stop at nothing to destroy me.

You have to survive abusive relationships. And I never knew the degree of how sick and twisted a person can be.

Now I do. Now I am wiser.

 I’m meeting two of my adult children in Spain for Christmas. We have all had the courage to leave this man and our country, and have no plans of returning.

Finally things are working out. Finally life can be good.

Can’t help but wonder what’s next… exciting!!

SG x

Stress free :o)



My house sold at auction on Thursday! Finally I’m free and feeling the pull to travel to what has always felt like my spiritual home, Southern France. My 18 year old son is travelling with me to Paris and then taking his own path and calling to Spain (also a place I’m pulled to..)

It’s taken a lot of work for me to get to this point and I can’t help feel this journey will be life changing… I’m nervous and excited.

(Just need to find a loving carer for my little fur baby).

Love & baby steps,

SG x


Honesty & Synchronicity

When you are truly being honest with yourself, you will notice that the Synchronicity will always provoke another question about your life direction, which yields another guiding intuition, which results in more Synchronicity — and so on.

When you begin to experience this kind of Synchronistic flow, you are allowing yourself to be guided by your Divinely inspired, higher intelligence. It is moving you toward your soul’s mission. Sure, your ego distractions, and certain life situations, will knock you out of the flow at times, but you have imprinted the experience in your mind, and you’ll soon find your path again.

~ Paul Coehlo



Writer’s Block

Express yourself!

I’m not a writer but expressing myself through this blog is healing for me. I have so much to let out but it just isn’t flowing.

What I write is stilted, disjointed and not coming from my centre and I’ve been feeling this way for a very long time.

I re-read my old posts (a year or more back and I’m in awe of how I could express myself).. I just can’t write like that anymore.

This sucks.. I feel like I’ve lost my heart. Maybe I’ve experienced too much pain over the last year.

I hope I can find my heart again, I miss it..

Geoffrey Johnson www.lab333.com https://www.facebook.com/pages/LAB-STYLE/585086788169863 http://www.labs333style.com www.lablikes.tumblr.com www.pinterest.com/labstyle  I want this where I can see it every day!: