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Narcissists and Sycophants: A Marriage Made in Hell

The psychopath and the sycophant (“psycho fan”)960

Rantings and Ravings

Whether we realize it or not, we all have at least one narcissist in our lives. In fact, according to authors Jean Twenge, PhD and Keith Campbell, PhD, there is a narcissism epidemic in this country.  (The Narcissism Epidemic: Living in the Age of Entitlement, Free Press, 2009, Twenge PhD., Campbell, PhD.).

After reading this eye opening book I found myself thinking about this subject in general and agree with the authors that narcissism is sweeping our country and wreaking havoc on the personal, social and professional relationships of the masses. Most of us, however, live in denial. We don’t want to view someone we look up to as a narcissist and we certainly don’t want to acknowledge the hold narcissists have on us and on the world at large. We also live in denial about the part we play in the creation of the narcissist and the perpetuation of…

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Are You In Love, Or Just Attached?

Relationships that are based on control and unconscious drives and needs are codependent. The main indicator of codependency is focusing more attention on the actions and feelings of another person(s) than you do on yourself, and feeling that you have to control everything that happens. When your thoughts are dominated by what other people are doing, you are not, by definition, centered in your own inner process.

If your energy level fluctuates based on what others do or say, you might be codependent. If you feel like you have to monitor everything and make it work, you might be codependent. When you are struggling to control, you are not allowing the synchronicities of the universe to help you to develop.

~ James Redfield

http://themindsjournal.com/are-you-in-love-or-just-attached/

If you’re unsure about your own relationship motives, take a look at the following list and see where you land on love and attachment.
THEMINDSJOURNAL.COM
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The Withdrawn Child

“The child who expresses feelings that her [his] family cannot afford to face is the enemy in that family’s view of what it needs to survive. They treat her [him] as if it’s “her [him] or them,” and she [he] believes it… Sadly, the adult that she [he] becomes often treats the child inside with the same disregard and repressive attitudes that the adults who surrounded her [him] did.”

~ Secret Survivors by E. Sue Blume

Jordan Crane - Untitled Curtains  17 X 26 hand pulled screenprint.:

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Put Love Aside While You Are Vulnerable And Healing

Avoiding Codependency, Abuse, Dysfunction And Love Addiction

NO CODEPENDENTS ALLOWED!

Why put aside love..?

Because it’s a bomb. It’s booby trapped. It’s a trap for young (and old) players.

After abuse, addiction or codependency, avoiding a love relationship is a decision you need to make unless you are willing to attract another codependent/ unhealthy partner.

It’s scary, actually it’s terrifying because it can mean facing some of your biggest fears.

Being alone or surviving alone..

But there comes a time when facing those fears is easier than the pain of being in another soul destroying relationship.

You deserve more. Not the same old.. same old..

You don’t ever deserve to be with someone who will take advantage of you, even if not necessarily intentionally, yes some do not see the issue or the pattern…until you shine a light on it.. and then they are out the door.

Most do not care about the issues or patterns because their personal survival relies on attachment to YOU!

Some partners will use you, some will hold you for way too long, some will praise you and put you on a pedestal and then knock you off it once you bring a little light on the situation. Some are dangerous and need to control you emotionally, psychologically, financially and physically.

The dynamics are out..

Once you decide to heal. you are vulnerable, and in this weakened condition, love can sometimes seem a good answer, or maybe the easier answer.

Allow the time to heal. ALONE! Yes it’s terrifying, yes it’s lonely but you are strong and you are smart. You can and will find the help and support you need along the way. Be smart, keep safe, baby steps..

For 6 years I kind of had a sign on my forehead that said ‘Fuck Off’. It was neon and I lit it up every time a man got too close to me. It was my psychic protection. It was my barrier until I was stronger and less vulnerable.

Now I feel confident, safe and trust my instincts regarding who or what is good for me.. I’m in meetup group and I talk regularly to men. Many I have had to set boundaries with. I still attract damaged men because I have been damaged. I was abused in my childhood, neglected and traumatised.. they have too (some of them aren’t aware..)

It’s not because of my incredibly beauty or personality (haha I wish..) that attracts them, it’s my vulnerability, it’s my energy.

It’s not love. It’s attraction. Opposites attracting..

Entering into a relationship before you are ready is a ‘booby trap’ that eventually blows up on you and you’re left picking up the pieces of your heart and soul.

You will feel safe in time …to meet people and instinctively know who is good for you. In the meantime you may feel intense ‘attraction’ to certain people but that does not mean you should be with them!!

‘Use your heart but take your brain with you’.

You already know you can really like or love a person that is not good for you right now.. or at all!

I don’t expect my next partner to be like me but it will be a healthy relationship. No more major dysfunction, poor communication, power dynamics, immaturity, codependence, unwillingness to face issues, games, no more feeling of complete imbalance.

Love should be a whole lot easier than that.

You can face your fears whether they are survival issues or  abandonment. You have in you incredible faith and courage to tap into. Then you will attract your best partner, someone who has healed and is not damaged or codependent.

SG x