I know I am,
I know I am,
This post is eerie for me because I so badly needed to read this today. I’ve been holding on and holding on to things I love and dreams I wanted , when it’s really not the direction I need to go in. It’s really only been causing me complete chaos.
Letting go of things we love and dreams we have is so damn hard. A marriage, a home, a best friend, your treasures, a career, a family, a country.. Often the longer we hold on the worse the position we get ourselves in.
After a long struggle I’m letting go today
This post is a must read.
I Love You, But I’m Letting Go
How many times in your life have you needed to say this?
And do you need to say it again?
I’m not just talking about letting go of a relationship. I’m talking about letting go of other things that you love, but which might be blocking you from the path that you really need to be on.
You can love cigarettes, for instance, and know that they aren’t helping you.
You can love your hometown, while knowing at the same time that you need to go.
You can love your house, and know that it’s too big for you to take care of anymore.
You can love the people that you’ve worked with for ten years, but maybe it’s time to let go, and start looking toward a new job.
You can love going out to drinks with your friends on a weekday evening, while also knowing that this is the very thing that makes you too tired for the rest of the week to pursue your passions.
While I’ve been on tour for BIG MAGIC, I’ve been asking the audience at the end of every night think about things they might need to start saying “no” to, in order to have more time and energy to do the things they keep saying they want to do.
The number one reason people tell me they aren’t practicing their creativity is because they don’t have time and energy for it — especially after they have given themselves away to everyone else.
Long ago, when I was struggling to become a writer, a wise older woman once said to me, “What are you willing to give up, in order to have the life you keep saying you want?”
I said, “You’re right — I really need to start learning how to say no to things I don’t want to do.”
She corrected me: “No, it’s much harder than that. You need to learn how start saying no to things you DO want to do, with the recognition that you have only one life, and you don’t have time and energy for everything.”
That’s when I pretty much gave up watching TV. (Don’t worry — I’VE COME BACK TO IT!) But for a few years in my twenties, when I was desperately trying to learn how to write better, and to become a published author, I had to say to TV, “I love you, but I’m letting you go.”
Because I knew what I wanted to do (write) and I knew how I wanted to do it (with joyful energy)…and so many, many things had to be let go.
You would choke on your cornflakes if I told you some of the things I’ve said no to in my lifetime. Beautiful opportunities. Gorgeous adventures. Fun experiences. The chance to meet amazing people. And so many weekday night invitations, to go out for drinks with friends. (Weekends, too, often.)
I would have loved to have done all those things. But there is only one of me. And I know what I really want to be doing with my life, and I know what it takes to create that sort of devoted focus.
Practice saying it with me, everyone: “I love you, but I’m letting you go.”
I don’t know what the thing is (or things are) that you need to start saying no to, in order to live the life you keep saying you want.
But I have a suspicion that perhaps YOU know.
Is it maybe time?
LG (Elizabeth Gilbert)
“It’s not that I don’t love you..”
People’s thoughts and wisdom on ‘letting go’
“In my lifetime I’ve let go of a marriage, a career, a house, a country, my family, and the list probably goes on. I loved the house but it stopped feeling like my house. I believe however that it has been a much richer life for the letting go. There comes a time when you have to let go of what is no longer working — either willingly or it will be taken from you. Always best to let go with grace.”
“It’s definitely a process, especially when it is something you love. I’ve learned to let go of things I love in order to keep a hold of my “passion!” When the love of the passion is greater than the love of things that prevent us from living it, the process of “letting go” seems much easier (even if it’s still a little tough to do!) And sometimes the things we let go of for the sake of keeping our passion alive will find its’ way back into our life at a better time!”
“A sign of moving more deeply into the live we love. As we do, our choices are between what we love more. Priorities narrow so we can become more focused on what is calling us to go deeper, farther, or closer to what is brewing up from within.”
“It’s much easier to let go of the things you don’t want, but not so much for the things you DO want. There is a price for admission to this dance we call life. I guess each of us has to decide, from the heart outward, what we’re willing to pay to play.”
“Let go or be dragged. I can’t remember who said it but powerful nonetheless.”
” Letting go is something I have been contemplating recently. I know it is vital in order to bring the light back into my life, and yet it is so difficult. I know it is time, and yet it is so frightening. But I also know that until I let go, I will remain paralyzed in fear and doubt. I am saying it with you now: “I love you, but I’m letting go.”
“I once heard someone say “everything I have ever let go of has claw marks all over”. Letting go isn’t easy but it always has its rewards!”
.. so I had to add this :o)
Well done All Blacks!
Rugby World Cup 2015
“Play is the highest expression of human development in childhood, for it alone is the free expression of what is in a child’s soul”
~ Friedrich Froebel
Can you remember what you loved to do as a child? What did you do most days just for fun and play. I was always drawing or colouring in pictures, I loved animals and observing bugs, climbing trees, bike riding, playing the piano, roller and ice skating, playing card games and mah jong with my Nana, she also taught me crafts ~ pottery, embroidery, painting. I loved decorating my bedroom with flowers and treasures. My mother created a very large and beautiful garden and was always creating things to make our home beautiful, and even though there were serious emotional issues in my family they did instill in me a love of creating and personalizing home, of making it a beautiful haven, decorating, styling, big family meals and gatherings and an appreciation for natural and manmade beauty.
What are the things you lose yourself and your time in?
Thank you Mark Manson this is a well worth 7 minute read!
Remember back when you were a kid? You would just do things. You never thought to yourself, “What are the relative merits of learning baseball versus football?” You just ran around the playground and played baseball and football. You built sand castles and played tag and asked silly questions and looked for bugs and dug up grass and pretended you were a sewer monster.
Nobody told you to do it, you just did it. You were led merely by your curiosity and excitement.
And the beautiful thing was, if you hated baseball, you just stopped playing it. There was no guilt involved. There was no arguing or debate. You either liked it, or you didn’t.
And if you loved looking for bugs, you just did that. There was no second-level analysis of, “Well, is looking for bugs really what I should be doing with my time as a child? Nobody else wants to look for bugs, does that mean there’s something wrong with me? How will looking for bugs affect my future prospects?”
There was no bullshit. If you liked something, you just did it.
Today I received approximately the 11,504th email this year from a person telling me that they don’t know what to do with their life. And like all of the others, this person asked me if I had any ideas of what they could do, where they could start, where to “find their passion.”
And of course, I didn’t respond. Why? Because I have no fucking clue. If you don’t have any idea what to do with yourself, what makes you think some jackass with a website would? I’m a writer, not a fortune teller.
But more importantly, what I want to say to these people is this: that’s the whole point — “not knowing” is the whole fucking point. Life is all about not knowing, and then doing something anyway. All of life is like this. All of it. And it’s not going to get any easier just because you found out you love your job cleaning septic tanks or you scored a dream gig writing indie movies.
The common complaint among a lot of these people is that they need to ‘find their passion.’
I call bullshit. You already found your passion, you’re just ignoring it. Seriously, you’re awake 16 hours a day, what the fuck do you do with your time? You’re doing something, obviously. You’re talking about something. There’s some topic or activity or idea that dominates a significant amount of your free time, your conversations, your web browsing, and it dominates them without you consciously pursuing it or looking for it.
It’s right there in front of you, you’re just avoiding it. For whatever reason, you’re avoiding it. You’re telling yourself, “Oh well, yeah, I love comic books but that doesn’t count. You can’t make money with comic books.”
Fuck you, have you even tried?
The problem is not a lack of passion for something. The problem is productivity. The problem is perception. The problem is acceptance.
The problem is the, “Oh, well that’s just not a realistic option,” or “Mom and Dad would kill me if I tried to do that, they say I should be a doctor” or “That’s crazy, you can’t buy a BMW with the money you make doing that.”
The problem isn’t passion. It’s never passion.
And even then, who says you need to make money doing what you love? Since when does everyone feel entitled to love every fucking second of their job? Really, what is so wrong with working an OK normal job with some cool people you like, and then pursuing your passion in your free time on the side? Has the world turned upside-down or is this not suddenly a novel idea to people?
Look, here’s another slap in the face for you: every job sucks sometimes. There’s no such thing as some passionate activity that you will never get tired of, never get stressed over, never complain about. It doesn’t exist. I am living my dream job (which happened by accident, by the way. I never in a million years planned on this happening; like a kid on a playground I just went and tried it), and I still hate about 30% of it. Some days more.
Again, that’s just life.
The issue here is, once again, expectations. If you think you’re supposed to be working 70-hour work weeks and sleeping in your office like Steve Jobs and loving every second of it, you’ve been watching too many shitty movies. If you think you’re supposed to wake up every single day dancing out of your pajamas because you get to go to work, then you’ve been drinking the Kool-Aid. Life doesn’t work like that. It’s just unrealistic. There’s a thing most of us need called balance.
I have a friend who, for the last three years, has been trying to build an online business selling whatever. It hasn’t been working. And by not working, I mean he’s not even launching anything. Despite years of “work” and saying he’s going to do this or that, nothing actually ever gets done.
What does get done is when one of his former co-workers comes to him with a design job to create a logo or design some promotional material for an event. Holy shit, he’s all over that like flies on fresh cow shit.
And he does a great job! He stays up to 4:00 AM losing himself working on it and loving every second of it.
But then two days later it’s back to, “Man, I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do.”
I meet so many people like him. He doesn’t need to find his passion. His passion already found him. He’s just ignoring it. He just refuses to believe it’s viable. He is just afraid of giving it an honest-to-god try.
It’s like a nerdy kid walking onto a playground and saying, “Well, bugs are really cool, but NFL players make more money, so I should force myself to play football every day,” and then coming home and complaining that he doesn’t like recess.
And that’s bullshit. Everybody likes recess. The problem is that he’s arbitrarily choosing to limit himself based on some bullshitty ideas he got into his head about success and what he’s supposed to do.
Another email I get all the time is from people wanting advice on how to become a writer.
And my answer is the same: I have no fucking idea.
As a kid, I would write short stories in my room for fun. As a teenager, I would write music reviews and essays about bands I loved and then show them to nobody. Once the internet came around, I spent hours upon hours on forums writing multi-page posts about inane topics – everything from guitar pickups to the causes of the Iraq War.
I never considered writing as a potential career. I never even considered it a hobby or passion. To me, the things I wrote about were my passion: music, politics, philosophy. Writing was just something I did because I felt like it.
And when I had to go looking for a career I could fall in love with, I didn’t have to look far. In fact, I didn’t have to look at all. It chose me, in a way. It was already there. Already something I was doing every day, since I was a kid, without even thinking about it.
Because here’s another point that might make a few people salty: If you have to look for what you’re passionate about, then you’re probably not passionate about it at all.
If you’re passionate about something, it will already feel like such an ingrained part of your life that you will have to be reminded by people that it’s not normal, that other people aren’t like that.
It didn’t occur to me that writing 2,000 word posts on forums was something nobody else considered fun. It never occurred to my friend that designing a logo is something that most people don’t find easy or fun. To him, it’s so natural that he can’t even imagine it being otherwise. And that’s why it’s probably what he really should be doing.
A child does not walk onto a playground and say to herself, “How do I find fun?” She just goes and has fun.
If you have to look for what you enjoy in life, then you’re not going to enjoy anything.
And the real truth is that you already enjoy something. You already enjoy many things. You’re just choosing to ignore them.
By Mark Manson