Relationships that are based on control and unconscious drives and needs are codependent. The main indicator of codependency is focusing more attention on the actions and feelings of another person(s) than you do on yourself, and feeling that you have to control everything that happens. When your thoughts are dominated by what other people are doing, you are not, by definition, centered in your own inner process.
If your energy level fluctuates based on what others do or say, you might be codependent. If you feel like you have to monitor everything and make it work, you might be codependent. When you are struggling to control, you are not allowing the synchronicities of the universe to help you to develop.
~ James Redfield