When Healing or Survival Is The Most Important Thing To You
Maybe in the past you had many things that were important to you and now you miss them greatly. You may feel that you were more compassionate or caring and giving and now you wonder where that side has gone. You miss that side of you. You miss many parts of your old life. You feel selfish because your life has become ‘all about you’ and you are worried that this may be permanent. Some once important aspects of your life you feel you are neglecting.
You may feel self absorbed, a little narcissistic even. You may wonder if all you have been through has changed you into a hardened b*tch.
Some days I feel hardened and I miss the softer me.
I think it’s normal to feel like this, because in regards to healing you have to make yourself the priority. You have to be numero uno on your list.
You have to learn ‘healthy narcissism’. You are becoming healthy.. you are learning about yourself and your needs.
Because of circumstances beyond your control, survival, self preservation and healing may have become priority.
It has to be like this, and it takes radical acceptance especially when you lose the things you value the most, but healing and survival have to take priority.
If you were a big hearted giver and got taken advantage of or abused, neglected or beaten down for many years, sometimes the pendulum swings from selfless to selfish as a survival mechanism.
Survival is serious. Survival is a life or death situation.
In time you will slowly come back to ‘centre’. You will find balance again. Not completely selfless nor completely selfish. You will have learnt to self care, to self protect, faith and courage. You will have learnt a great deal about ‘yourself’, including ‘who you are’, ‘who you choose to be now’ and ‘what is important to you now’.
The core of you is always there … don’t worry :o)
The things that are important to you like love, compassion, kindness, family, your children are always there. Maybe you just had to hand over the reigns for a while and love yourself enough to allow yourself this time to heal, to survive.
You will have the strength to focus again on those things that give your life real joy and meaning. Even though it’s hard and slow your life will only be better for this time of healing.
Love and baby steps,