I just gotta believe in myself and my abilities :o)
Fear and self destructive behaviour – the saboteur of success.
I hear you fear, but I am the driver of this car, so take a backseat. I’m sh*t scared but I believe in myself. We’re going on a ride!
I was always a highly sensitive, trusting, and vulnerable person. A big part of healing my own story is releasing my victim mentality and taking back my power. Diagnosed with C-PTSD, the events of my life have fuelled my fire regarding the connection between early abuse/ neglect/ trauma (especially emotional which is often overlooked) and mental/ spiritual sickness (.. and the psycho/spiritual healing link).
I wrote this out this morning as I head off to be heard by a couple of doctors in the private mental health field. Wish me luck :o)
There comes a point when you realize you are not a victim. Not a victim to your childhood, to your partner, to society, to your spiritual emergency, to the medical/ mental health system, or to your life.. You’ve put your own puzzle pieces together and can clearly see the bigger picture. You can step outside the crazy making system. Step away from the old dynamics and power plays. You can now observe people and interactions rather than react thus saving your time and energy. Observing the dynamics without fear and without getting caught up in the drama is fascinating. You hold no judgment of others, you hold no fear… You see the power plays everywhere, whether on a small scale or on a large scale and you accept. You can radically accept. You see aggressors, rescuers and victims all feeding off each other and never taking personal responsibility, often blind to their own part in the dysfunction. You see individuals hiding from their shadows, owned by their fears. Again never taking responsibility. You see history repeating. But you have stopped your part in the cycle and you know that is all that really matters. You now have inner peace, but are not passive… You have clarity, you have energy. You have a voice and you know how to use it. .
The French word “blessure” means wound. It is also the original derivation for the word “blessing.” This connection between wound & blessing plays itself out in our lives. The very things we feel are flawed about us often are the very things that make us unique, talented & sensitive to the world…When what we keep in shadow (the parts of us we try to hide or disown) becomes more integrated in our lives, transformation happens.
“The child who expresses feelings that her [his] family cannot afford to face is the enemy in that family’s view of what it needs to survive. They treat her [him] as if it’s “her [him] or them,” and she [he] believes it… Sadly, the adult that she [he] becomes often treats the child inside with the same disregard and repressive attitudes that the adults who surrounded her [him] did.”
~ Secret Survivors by E. Sue Blume
“Sometimes we need to do things we’d rather not do, in order to get the peace that we need; to look after our own well-being and to return to a healthy state. Decisions we may make may hurt others at times. Sometimes it hurts us too. I have found myself in situations like this recently. It’s a hard choice. But truly, there are times that we have to take care of ourselves. Sometimes there are no good choices, just painful ones… Sometimes that’s just how real life is.”
― José N. Harris, author of
“The abusive family system is a family in camouflage…The abuse is not only hidden from public view but from the view of family members themselves…Anything that doesn’t fit is buried or rationalized away. Anyone who tells the secrets or points out the sickness is punished or even exiled. The façade is maintained at the expense of individual family members.”
~ Repressed Memories by Renee Fredrickson Ph.D.