Don’t give up on being a parent – Progress not perfection
If you’re a parent and have not been able to have your children live with you (often due to parental alienation, narcissistic partners /families, power plays/ injustice/ revenge, PTSD, chronic depression, health issues, inability to work from stress, etc ..) please don’t beat yourself up…
Be kind and gentle on yourself.
It’s a heartbreaking situation when the abusive partner has more resources and money, a new partner and children and from the outside appear to be a normal healthy family. The abused parent often is left with deep emotional and financial scars after battling a narcissist and gets weaker and weaker from the heartbreak and injustice of losing their children. Many suffer from PTSD from being cruelly blindsided and often they are judged the abandoning parent instead of being supported as the victim of abuse.
First thing to do is ‘radically accept’ your present situation.
Then be smart and try to figure out if getting your children back living with you is a battle you’re going to win, financially, emotionally and physically. If not, work on ‘letting go’ of the fight because otherwise you will only lose energy from battling, stress and depression.
Focus on yourself and what you need to do to get your life back on track, career wise, health wise, independence wise. As kids get older most just want to see you happy, healthy and not suffering.
So put your oxygen mask on first.
Do small things to love your children if you can’t be with them or are being covertly blocked – a text, little letters/ gifts or even catching up for a couple of hours now and again reassures them that you are getting stronger, are thinking of them and love them .
Do not make judgments and subtle/ snide remarks about the other parent or their new partners to your child. The children already know the tragic situation and it’s like rubbing salt in their wounds. They are also surviving the best they can in a tragic situation. Take the high road for your child’s sake.
You may need much time and space to recover and heal from what you have been through. Have faith that you will ‘take back your power’ and start to find some joy, peace and happiness in your life. You could start learning a language, a creative business, start cycling or a fun exercise, writing, travel more, take dance lessons, become more social, volunteer with animals or the elderly.
Take care of yourself, get out in nature more and nurture your mind, body and soul.
Progress, not perfection, is what your children are praying for. Children always know the truth in situations, they are victims as well. So focus on you right now and avoid toxic people that put you down and find a way to let go of the anger (express it, either to the person or if that isn’t an option, with a therapist, or in writing, art, dance.. let it all out and then let it go) … and please don’t hold out for understanding/ compassion or an apology from your ex. because it doesn’t happen with narcissistic people.
Often it will be hard work but please don’t give up on the connection with your child/ren even from long distances.
Holding onto the anger is a waste of your energy. Use your energy to get healthy and strong and move into looking good and living well – your sweetest revenge against the injustice and your greatest gift to your children if you cannot be with them. Don’t give up, get your life back, hold your head up and you will be living proof that you can free yourself from narcissistic people, be the hero of your own story and carve the path out for your children…
Use this time wisely, then watch as your children’s
feet do the talking.
Love & baby steps,
Parental Alienation in Movies