Feeding My Heart

stop stress eatingI’ve been overeating for about a month now. Feeding my heart, not my stomach.. I just allowed it, I was so bloody heartbroken. I haven’t behaved like this for years so I was surprised when my binge eating suddenly came back.

I don’t control my binges because I know something very emotional for me is going on..  I try to be gentle and kind to myself. I only control what food I choose to eat, but never how much . I don’t eat sugar, gluten or processed foods ever.. and bingeing on those make me really sick..

I barely cooked the last month. I’ve been watching movies and resting to tired to function, waking up each morning rolling over and thinking .. ugh.. another f*cking sunrise to wake up to bleary eyed and exhausted.

I’ve been holed up inside, haven’t seen much light, I’ve eaten potato chips by the bagful, rice pudding with honey, rice crackers and dip .. yum..

I ate and ate and enjoyed every minute of it, it soothed me. Sure I’ve gained some weight especially on my stomach and my jeans are now skin tight.. hey a bonus it saves a belt :o)

Anyway today I don’t feel the need to binge on carbs. Last night I made the decision to stop dwelling and take action, my family don’t deserve my tears or to rob me another day of my life.

So today I’m taking action and taking my life back. I’m going to sell my Grandmother’s handmade rug my mother told me I had to keep because it’s special to her, and my party business that my father begrudgingly made the furniture for. In fact I’m going to sell all the things that hold me to my past..

I felt very guilty at first but I know it’s something I have to do, an act of rebellion or defiance, an act to cut the bonds to my past once and forall. I have permission to cut the ties to my past..  my permission.

I know I deserve better, and I’m really looking forward to better :o)

Makes me feel sad but really powerful at the same time. Makes me feel in control of my life and my future. Makes me know the direction I want to head .. forwards ..  and not backwards ever again.

Love & baby steps,

SG x

 

 

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6 thoughts on “Feeding My Heart

  1. SG, I’m saddened to hear you are going through turmoil at this time. If you are interested, my book, “Leave Your Past Behind, Uncover the Secret of a New Beginning,” may be helpful. It would be my pleasure to give you a free book as soon as it’s released :)

    • Hi Lisa, thank you for your comment and don’t feel saddened because I feel much better. It was a painful process I had to go through to move forward … and maybe in time the people I love will also be pushed to grow but for now I have important things to do and am not willing to drown a minute longer in family drama. Thank you for your very kind offer (**I really love the title of your book) but I feel I’m finally at my new beginning and on my path, so not sure it will be beneficial at this point in my life. (I also have the faith that everything will work out in the end regarding me and my family, but this is what I have to do right now..) SG x

  2. Hugs to you! A good binge is a good binge, enjoy! Screw it, right? Take back your power! I have gone through my house several times and everything that has bad energy, makes me feel obligated, guilty, sad or anything other than joy, I CHUCK IT! It is the most wonderful feeling, especially when you donate it all to an organization. Honestly, nothing feels as good as some empty cupboards and a house where you enjoy every room because nothing reminds you of the past. Then I do a good sage burning with a prayer in every room, awesome effect! It’s what I call a binge/purge! Good luck and one more hug.

    • Good golly christinadrh!! you are such a breath of fresh air, and I agree with you completely. I am planning to do exactly as you say. My past was so tragic, I want it all gone.
      It sure does carry guilt, bad energy and bad memories.. Actually I’m then going to sell my house (hoping to be left with a suitcase full only..) and travel to any countries I feel pulled to, and return home with some vitality and clarity. Life is for living … NOT A SLOW DEATH!! Thank you for your wisdom, your words are sooooooo much what I need to hear right now. <3 Big hugs to you too :o)

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