My family had a ‘all girls’ reunion on Sunday -my mother, sisters, aunties, cousins, daughter, nieces. (I didn’t know about it I just happened by sheer coincidence to see the photos via Face Book – maybe it was meant to be…).
Although they could have invited me via mail or e-mail they chose not to, and that spoke volumes to me..
I am now officially not part of their family.
It’s true I had disconnected from them but the ball was always in there court to mend the rift, to be courageous and honest enough to heal our family. They know I have suffered chronic depression, C-PTSD and an autoimmune disease related to abuse and stress.
I’m the family whistleblower and it’s easier for them to let me go then let me speak and face difficult generational issues. They are not ready to face anything, they never will be and I guess they don’t have to. Somehow their conscience lets them sleep at night, but really I know they are all miserable in their lives.. shitty marriages, overeating, over drinking, chronic illness, chronic depression, medication, anger..
I love them so at first I felt sad and hurt.. but today I feel they have released me and given me my freedom.
I have healed.. and that’s the most important thing..
I kind of feel grateful to them for not inviting me because I now feel free to make the decisions I was stalling with because I was still holding on to them, love is a powerful thing as was the hope that they would pull me back into the tribe with love, understanding and open arms…. magical thinking right
So thank you for releasing me from your prison once and forall. I accept you all and that you are not ready to heal, and may never be. I forgive you for the heartbreak and pain.
I’m going to have a fucking awesome future. I wish you could have been part of it.