Emotional Bank Robbers

Where do you invest your love?

Is it time to change banks!!

I realize I have invested my entire life to emotionally bankrupt people. So much so that I have very little left energy wise, friendship wise, hobby wise, love wise, life wise ..

The moral – the more you invest (income, job, heart, home, time, effort, etc.) the stronger your need to justify your position. If we invest $5.00 in a raffle ticket, we justify losing with “I’ll get them next time”. If you invest everything you have, it requires an almost unreasoning belief and unusual attitude to support and justify that investment.

Studies tell us we are more loyal and committed to something that is difficult, uncomfortable, and even humiliating.

The initiation rituals of college fraternities, Marine boot camp, and graduate school all produce loyal and committed individuals.

Almost any ordeal creates a bonding experience. Every couple, no matter how mismatched, falls in love in the movies after going through a terrorist takeover, being stalked by a killer, being stranded on an island, or being involved in an alien abduction. Investment and an ordeal are ingredients for a strong bonding – even if the bonding is unhealthy. No one bonds or falls in love by being a member of the Automobile Club or a music CD club. Struggling to survive on a deserted island – you bet!

Abusive relationships produce a great amount on unhealthy investment in both parties. In many cases we tend to remain and support the abusive relationship due to our investment in the relationship.

In many cases, it’s not simply our feelings for an individual that keeps us in an unhealthy relationship – it’s often the amount of investment. Relationships are complex and we often only see the tip of the iceberg in public. For this reason, the most common phrase offered by the victim in defense of their unhealthy relationship is “You just don’t understand!”

I invested everything in my family .. I realize I actually have nothing else.. Nope it’s just them and my chronic ill health and depression (Hmmm – well there’s a link..)

They have high energy and get their returns everywhere (Yep they’re Emotional Bank Robbers). They don’t even need me – no wonder they find it so easy to give me ‘the silent treatment’ or shun me if I step out of their circle!!

So today I joined a couple of groups to meet new people and I made some decisions … First to change banks and start investing my love and time in new healthy people and projects .. somewhere where I get a return!!

I spend a lot of my time in an emotional prison and it’s torture. It’s a cycle of bullying, neglect, ostracizing, minimizing and rejection. So painful.

Two, essential!!! Avoid them with Low and for some NO Contact and gain back my power and energy.

Three – gain my returns (life, health and energy) by doing thing that bring me JOY. Joy would be a nice return instead of the heartache and depression I receive from my family..

Fourth, I am still deciding what role my family will play in my life.. ‘Low Contact’ or ‘No Contact’. My ex husband and daughter are a definite NC. My daughter nearly kills me with emotional bullying. I’m not sure what can heal it. Maybe time apart and her growing up and me getting busy!!  No amount of communication or counselling can heal a bully unwilling to take any responsibility for her cruel actions.

My son is LC – Birthdays, Christmas  etc..not sure about the rest (sisters, brother, Mother, Father..).

Just don’t feel I can play the nice understanding guy to them anymore. Maybe as I get busy with healthy people and joyful activities my huge investment with them will decrease.

At this stage I am taking space from them. I’ve got a feeling things will naturally grow apart without me saying any harsh words.

Just the act of getting stronger will either make them respect me or reject me. My children I feel will respect me, the rest of them I feel will reject me. In all reality I was never accepted from my birth as part of my family..

And sadly they like me weak.. and the unhealthy family dynamics won’t work with me strong..

So I’m keeping busy and looking forward!

It’s been hell but I’m getting.. well somewhere.

It’s fricking taking forever ?? :o)

Love & baby steps,

SG x

3 thoughts on “Emotional Bank Robbers

  1. They do like you weak. The ex inlaws I am living with are the same. They crush down any efforts I make towards independence, individuality, or strength. I have resolved to telling them as little as possible about anything I am doing, thinking or planning. Or I will never get out.

    It is sad about your children. I know how the narcissists like to get a hold of your children, tell them lies about you and try to turn them against you.

    I think that is the cruelest thing of all. They are so entitled to everything in their minds. We are just to do the shit work that they are too good to do.

    I am sorry for your losses. It isn’t fair.

    But your own mental well being has to be the priority and your physical health. We can’t let them destroy us.

    They do not deserve that victory. The narcissists will run themselves into the wall one day. They can’t just keep living like robot aliens forever, leaving destruction in their paths.

    It has to catch up with them. Hopefully when your daughter sees who they really are, she will change.

    I wish for you to be better . And I wish for me to be better. The physical toll of such psychological torture is hard.

    I have had two life threatening completely different infections within two months. Once intestinal and once kidneys. The ER dr is tired of seeing me and does not understand how anyone my age could have two completely different major infections in such a small time.

    I did not tell him that narcissistic abuse can kill your immune system. He never would have believed me.

    I hope you will get healthier. We have great work to do in the world. The narcissists of the world need people right in their way, warning the younger potential victims.

    And the survivors need validation. You know there are few people with enough empathy and strength to do it. You still have strength. They just want to convince you otherwise and will make up any proof to do so.

    If we were not strong then why would they go through such lengths to keep us down?

    Annie

  2. Thank you and so lovely to hear from you xx

    Your comment is beautifully written and it touched my heart <3

    I find it sad that you feel so weakened in your life because to me you are so incredibly strong and super talented. You speak the truth, you're an amazing writer, an educator, a creative, super intuitive and a gifted healer xox

    And maybe that's the real threat to them – that you are actually amazing!!… and GOOD … truly a GOOD soul !! (Good, wise souls are like the rarest of gemstones)

    It's the darkness in them, that's jealous of you. It's the weakness in them. You are the true leader and wise one and you don't need to lead from your ego like them.

    Don't let them rob you of your talents and beauty. Be the light in the darkness Annie.

    Light up your corner of the world and hold your head up.

    I'm sorry that you've been so ill and that your immune system is so stressed. You can rebuild it and recover from PTSD. Don't believe for a minute that you can't .. xx

    It is possible to clear cortisol and return to your natural blueprint for health and wellbeing. But ultimately life isn't about coping with stress, it's about avoiding it and it sounds like you’re doing just that. (so am I :o)

    I'm busy searching for people that do give a shit and I'm going to stop focussing on 'those that don't' and focus on something healthier for me.. I may have to sift through the goodies from the baddies but loving people are out there.. and they help build you up xx

    I'm praying for you, for your return to health and strength. You are not going backwards even if it seems like it, you are always moving forwards..

    PS.. On a quick note pleeese watch the movie 'Inside Out' it is truly amazing.. and truly healing <3

    Stay well Annie
    xox

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