Let ‘joy’ in..I feel heartbroken. When I feel like this, I seem to fall into a pattern. I feel cold and I want to take a bath, I want to eat comforting foods in large proportions, I want a blanket to snuggle up in, maybe I’ll watch a movie that cheers me up, or maybe crawl into bed and attempt to sleep away my sadness.
A large part of my life (the majority) I have felt sad. After watching the movie ‘Inside Out’ I guess it would be true to say my dominant emotion developed in childhood is sadness or depression .. and not much gets done on sad days..
But what if I change my pattern. When I’m heartbroken or sad, what if I do things differently.. what if I get up and clean my house, walk my dog, put beautiful calming or re-energizing music on my ipod, what if I choose to react differently and to change my life long pattern (my programme..)
Being hurt is part of life. People will hurt me.. intentionally or not, I cannot avoid that, but I can change my reaction. I can be sad but I don’t have to drown.. or let it sink me.
I believe we are programmed from childhood (see movie ‘inside Out’) and those of us with too many sad, traumatic or painful early childhood memories lose the ability to manage our emotions well, restore our equilibrium and find the positivity in life and the joy in things.. We lose our balance and we are triggered again and again towards those old feelings of sadness.
Low level sadness becomes our normal..
In adult hood we have to ‘change our programming’ and actively let positivity and joy into our life.
So I’m going to fight the overwhelming urge to eat and sleep. It’s not working for me and as much as I know it’s not my fault that I behave this way, it’s not making my life better or easier.
I know I want more and I know I deserve a better life. I’m going to get up and seek something healthier and joyful. A friend, a park, a beach, a walk, a drive, clean the windows, wash the linen, get in the garden.. something active instead of passive..
I’ve got a little metal sculpture of a woman with her arms outstretched standing at the top of a pinnacle. I’m going to put it next to my bed as a reminder to change my programme and to choose something healthier…
Something has to change..
And it’s my visual reminder to change my programme.
Love & baby steps,