“I Am Safe”

Social Anxiety And Setting Boundaries

I came home, read my emails and felt a sense of dread as another man has private messaged me from the group.

It’s stressed me out.

It’s hard for me to remain calm in these situations. I have issues with men… I have been traumatized by men.

As I start socializing with a mixed gender group obviously I’m going to have to learn how to deal with males.

I didn’t mind talking to them at the group .. but privately after I have barely spoken to them – isn’t that weird…? I guess I start getting scared. It’s not a conscious thing, somehow I’m triggered.. I can only assume those who trigger me are the ones that aren’t safe for me.. I guess I am learning self protection at 47!!

I have never liked male attention, some women thrive in it. The minute I grew a set of boobs  – I suddenly felt like I had packs of dogs around me.

I attracted the ones that were charming, controlling, emotionally stunted, immature, incapable of love, treated women like objects, damaged..

I had terribly low self esteem. I had been seriously emotionally neglected in my childhood. Being seriously neglected by men in my adulthood became my established ‘normal’.

I guess I was conditioned to expect and accept breadcrumbs.

I logically know not all men are like that. There are good men, but I haven’t met them. I have never in my life had a male as a friend.. so this is definitely foreign to me.

I need to remind myself ..

I need to connect, I want healthy connections, I deserve good friends – males and females, I deserve people who get me and love me and I can handle this in healthy ways.

I am safe, I can set boundaries and I can protect myself – emotionally, psychically and psychologically.

Whatever I ‘see’ is okay…  I can be objective on what I see and I can make calm, healthy and rational decisions based on my intuition rather than letting it get out of hand and stress me out..

I am okay

Nobody is going to hurt me

I can take care of myself

I am safe

SG x

7 thoughts on ““I Am Safe”

  1. Finding someone who understands, is key. Not just saying they understand, but having real empathy for what you need. I have had issues with people in general, so relationships are way off my radar, I was thinking about this over the past few weeks, and id take safety and a great friendship over anything more involved. I might be useful to someone, someday :) There is that saying, to the world you are just one person, but to just one person you are the world. Keep trying and stay safe.

  2. Just a few comments. I like male attention. I want it because I never had a father growing up. Sadly, for the most part I attracted a lot of users. The good ones who sometimes seemed to not be the more attractive or “kool” ones I would reject. It seemed to ones who loved me I rejected. So not all men are hurtful and mean.. As long as we live in this world we will always be hurt. I just got hurt by a church member I tried to be friends with. She just told me the other day we were “elbow friends” or “knitting friends”. That really hurt because before this she was real nice, inviting me to the ladies meetings and over to her house. Women have hurt me really more than men. My own mother making me my step fathers whore, then rubbing it in my face when I was just a young girl. There will always be pain in this world. The challenge is how do we deal with it. Forgiveness and loving those who hate us and returning good for evil is a tough challenge.
    QW

    • That is true we will always be hurt to some degree by people.. but by what degree depends on us.
      I believe victims of abuse must learn to trust their instincts, create boundaries and self protect.
      I don’t want to spend my life repeatedly forgiving people that have hurt me. I’d prefer to recognize those with those traits early on before any real damage can be done.,,

  3. I get where you’re coming from, and relationships may be way off your radar now but as you heal that won’t be the case.

    You deserve love. Simple.

    You deserve love, companionship, empathy, understanding and safety.

    I used to think I had to be a certain way before I met someone – like I had to become the best physical version of myself first and I definitely had to have all my sh*t together but that’s not the case – I am loveable just the way I am, and ironically it’s love that will make me the best version of myself and help me pull my sh*t together.

    I don’t believe I’ll heal without love.. I feel I will remain broken forever. A victim to years of one bad man and never allowing myself to experience life with one good man.

    I’m justifiably scared and my instincts are going crazy but we remain victims if we deny ourselves soul based love.

    I believe love heals.. it’s having the courage to allow it, now that’s the hard part.

    • True, love does heal. I guess I didn’t realize how bad my situation was until it was too late with my first husband. It’s like he picked me out on purpose because he saw I was vulnerable, even desperate. He didn’t love me plain and simple. It makes me mad at myself when I look back at my life and see all the real love I could have had. I remarried but chose carefully. I was interested in two men at the time. One of them was an old flame. The other one was I guy I met at the library who didn’t take care of himself. I had to be hospitalized after the old flame and I got intimate. I just lost all the religion I had when we got back together. But he seemed to love me and he was happy and wrote me letter after letter while I was in the hospital and called me every day. The other guy didn’t write me one letter but called me a few times and said he loved me but that was all. So who do you think I ended up with? The old flame. And he hasn’t laid a finger on me. And we didn’t even have an argument until six months. We are happy together. We take care of each other. So don’t be afraid to find love again. Its nice to have someone who really cares about me. And I have healed a lot and even gone and gotten my cosmetology license. Yes! Good for me!:-) :-)

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