Not Today..

Writing helps but not today… whatever I pour on this page will not release my feelings. I accept I’m sad, I have good reason to be and that’s okay.

I can be sad and still get things done today .. or maybe I’ll just eat ice cream and rent a funny movie – what is it with women, sadness and ice cream?

Ernest Hemmingway typewriter quote on  5 x 7 cardstock from Etsy

6 thoughts on “Not Today..

    • That’s what the psyc. doctors try to tell us: “we’re depressed and they have to “fix our chemical imbalance.” It makes me mad. Didn’t Job have a fit of depression when he lost everything? Didn’t he cast dirt on his head and wish himself never to be born. But he was “perfect” the Bible says. People expect you to always be happy and if we’re not they say we have a chemical balance, we need medication bla, bla, bla. One doctor told me, “Well you don’t seem like a real Christian.” I’m like, “Well sorry I’m not doing cart wheels down the hall way but I just lost my family, my house, my pets. Excuse me but don’t I have the right to greive?!!!”

      • Hi quietwoman, you matter and your feelings matter.

        You have every right to grieve and you’re right … doctors can’t fix our pain. Doctors are only good at naming a diagnosis and naming a medicine. That’s what they learn at medical school and often they are so desensitized or they have such strict protocols in regards to dealing with patients that they lose their sense of compassion.

        I gave up on the medical profession years ago simply because they can’t heal my heart or spirit and they can’t fix my problems with a sociopath.

        I’m so sorry you’ve lost so much.. I went through very similar and I am still working through my anger, sadness and depression (it has been years) – I lost my health, my heart, my spirit, my home, my children, my family, the sociopath I thought I loved, my share of settlement, my 3 pets and my credibility.

        I contacted a women’s abuse call line a year ago and talked for half an hour to a wise survivor and thriver of abuse and she gave me the best advice ever – it may be helpful to you..

        She said to me.. . ignore him, ignore what he is doing/ done…focus on yourself, focus on becoming independent, focus on creating your own life and accept that you cannot have your children right now.
        Radically accept that this is your reality..

        Heal yourself, remove yourself from the abuse, get stronger, build yourself – you don’t have to fight for your children because their feet will do the talking when the time is right,

        I know more than anything my children want to see me happy, independent and strong. They are not stupid they now what’s really happening..

        So now I am emotionally healing myself, pampering myself, taking care of myself for once.
        Love yourself first, you are free to do anything so start to think about your wants and needs in life. Follow some of your dreams.

        Nothing pisses controllers off more than you thriving in spite of what they try to throw at you… once they have taken everything from you – you are free, because there is nothing left they can take, They actually cannot hurt you anymore.
        Looking good and living well.. that can be your greatest revenge.

        I have decided to travel to France this year to follow some of my own dreams – wait till the ex. finds out I’m going France, he thinks I am dying alone miserable while he and his new wife are playing Mummy and Daddy and alienating me from my children.
        Part of healing is allowing yourself to be sad, to be angry, and to be broken but also to become whole again despite the evil doings of others.
        Remember they can try to take everything but they can never take your spirit..

        Give yourself and your body gentle compassion and love for all the cruelty and shit you have been through…

        In time you will gain strength and refuse to be anyone’s victim – you will get up and kick arse! You will decide to survive and ultimately thrive.

        Remember you are stronger than you think..
        Anyone with the ability to survive such cruelty is strong and amazing..
        You are amazing..

    • Thank you so much – anything visually beautiful, or meaningful just feeds my soul and definitely helps cheer me up. I guess it’s my way of expressing it – sometimes words are just too hard for me.

      • Oh silver girl I’ve gotto tell you. My oldest son is by the man I met before my X. After I married my X he told me he wanted no contact with my oldest son and his father, afraid I would.go back to him. Well guess who I married and who built me a house? You got it! My oldest son’s father! I also graduated from cosmetology school with a 4.0 gpa! (he never would let me do anything!) Also, new hubby is building me an art studio next, and maybe even a salon! And guess who came to see me twice? My youngest son by my X!!!! WooHoo! lol! X and his family are having a fit over it too!!!!l Big LOL!!!! My youngest son told me he cant stand his dad, even sleeps in the car to get away from home and his dad and, “Don’t worry mom, they’ll make it out too (talking about his three sisters.) Him and his family are big on control. My youngest son joined the Navy to get away from home.

      • That is fabulous – you have already achieved a lot of what I have mentioned. You are doing great!!
        Getting into the salon business and building up some clientele would be good..
        It will all work out for the children when they see you happy, healthy and independent … and free from any control. You create the path to lead them out.. so to speak. You set the example of survival and strength despite the odds against you. It’s hard.. well done quietwoman

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