2 thoughts on “

  1. I don’t know.. I don’t know much at all except it’s complicated, confusing and painful.
    You should have been valued – I should have been valued.

    I guess we needed to learn we are valuable. .. but to learn it finally at my age just feels like a bitter pill.

    I’m still left with a completely messed up family, a weak ex. in complete denial, and a struggle to survive – pretty shit when you’re nearly 50.

    I’ve decided the best I can do, is to push all the mess aside and focus on my needs .. because I can’t fix anything..
    When I ask myself the question ‘what do i need?’ the answer is always.. love
    There is no love around me..
    .. and it’s not self love that I need because I have that.

    On some level I feel like I’m going to die without love, and it’s not that I need anyone because I don’t. But everyone needs love in order to thrive and shine..

    It’s more about finding people that are actually capable of loving me back. Like minded people. People who love me for me, and who get me.. I’m pretty sure I am not looking for just one person, more a group of people.

    That’s what I really deserve and for some reason my intuition is screaming that love is in France, I’ve known it for sometime.. so I’m going to do the craziest thing and I’m going to follow my instincts to France.. you’re the only one I’ve told .. well and whoever reads this :o) – it is somewhat embarrassing to tell people that I am going to France on a whim to find love.. :o)

    France will be healing for me – I know that.

    Somedays I question it and try to logically change my plans. I try to find a way to make things work here – there always seems to be a battle between my head and my heart.

    But I ‘know’ what or who I am looking for is not in New Zealand.. I also know that once I look after my own needs everything will start to fall in place for myself, and for my children.

    So my lessons now – get your own needs met and follow your seemingly crazy instincts??

    Hoping my reply didn’t drain the life out of you.. not feeling the greatest at all tonight and really needed to vent x

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