I Love You / Hate You

Emotional Healing From Abuse

The swing between love and hate

It is normal to swing between strong feelings of love and compassion, to strong feelings of hate and anger when healing from an abusive relationship.

It is confusing.. especially confusing for those who do not understand recovery from abuse.

Do not expect them to understand.

It is a sign that you are still emotionally invested. Go easy on yourself and realize it is very difficult to break the dependence you have on each other..

"Love me or hate me. Both are in my favor ... If you love me, I'll always be in your heart ... If you hate me, I'll always be in your mind."   William Shakespeare

Healing is like being bound together by a thousand strings and only being able to cut one at a time. Be gentle on yourself, it takes time and baby steps.

It’s similar to withdrawing from an unhealthy addiction – sometimes you crave it, miss it and pine for it but ultimately you need to love yourself more than your addiction.

Love and hate both require emotional involvement of some kind. You know you’ve emotionally healed from an unhealthy relationship when you don’t really feel anything towards them anymore (indifference or apathy). You stop thinking about them because you have better healthier things to think about and you can see a great future for yourself without them in it.

You’ve accepted their weaknesses and have forgiven them for your own sake.

You focus on meeting your own needs and on your own healing..  you trust your own instincts and are creating a healthier future for yourself.

Love and baby steps,



7 thoughts on “I Love You / Hate You

  1. I find I’m very impatient with myself and embarrassed by my feelings of attachment. I have to remind myself it’s only been 2 months since I completely woke up and started “no contact” even though the relationship officially ended over a decade ago. At the time I didn’t have the insight, maturity, or self-esteem to see that I had been covertly emotionally abused. I had moved on (sorta), but he contacted me via email a couple of years ago and the ensuing tumultuos feelings resurfaced. The consistent steady love of my husband provides an alluring contrast.

    • I was in the same boat.. and couldn’t understand the crazy pull.
      I finally realized that love never really goes away from your soul. So on some deep soul level – I will always love him.. but not in the way that we should ever be a couple. I love myself too much now to ever endure that again,
      On an Earthly level I can forget about him.. and let him live his life his way.
      No contact is a must.

    • I understand your strong feelings. I felt the same and came to the conclusion that I will always love him on a deep soul level – that can never die..
      .. I needed to accept that, and it was very healing and helped me move on.
      On an Earthly level, I love myself too much too endure that kind of behaviour.
      I wanted what he could potentially be, but unfortunately was not capable of becoming.
      No contact really is a must.
      Many people who believe in re-incarnation believe this soul pull is from spending many lifetimes loving this particular person/ soul and you ‘remember’ their soul, some call it being ‘spellbound’. Often this is the first life-time you have actually had the strength to leave them and the abuse behind so you feel the soul loss as on a deep level – you may have cellular memory of possibly centuries of love.. and pain with this soul.
      Deep stuff I know… and if you don’t believe that our souls transform it may be a bit surreal.
      It is a very big deal to leave them.. pat yourself on your back.

      • Oops – accidentally posted this one as well…
        I thought I had deleted the other by mistake.. this reply may be helpful though – another take on things.:o)

      • I don’t believe in reincarnation, but I do believe in having “soul ties” with people where you are spiritually bonded with them. I have prayed and asked others to pray to break these ties multiple times. I like the image you gave of having to cut one string at a time. It helps me realize it’s a process. Thanks. ☺️

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