Keeping Yourself Safe

Escaping A Narcissist

The most dangerous time for a abused woman is when she leaves her abuser or threatens to leave.

Do not take this lightly. This is the time when most women are violently attacked or killed. Whether they have ever hit you or not is irrelevent, if he is controlling you and shows the warning signs below, he can be very dangerous.

The sudden fear of abandonment and his losing control of you .. can cause the narcissist to go into a ‘narcissistic rage’.

Have a plan, a strategy, take your time (my escape plan took 6 months of planning). Find a safe house, support, a counsellor who specializes in abuse and trauma – they can help with a plan prior to your escape and emotionally support you, go to a battered women’s shelter, have a talk, get advice, be smart, get into survival mode, save whatever money you can, sell things  – Remember psychological abuse is the same as physical abuse and shelters recognize this..  call an abused women’s support line, they are experts. Find the right help, someone who hears you and supports you. If they don’t take you seriously, find another. If they don’t understand the dangers of psychological abuse and narcissists – keep looking until you do find one that does… Don’t remain passive about your survival. When you have reached the point where leaving terrifies you but staying is a death sentence (your fear of staying is greater than your fear of leaving) – you need to start planning and if this means keeping secrets and hiding money for your own survival – so be it.

Remember baby steps..

You can escape, work on changing yourself and the reasons you attract narcissistic partners and have a better future.

I am happy to answers any questions for anyone in this situation.

If you intuitively know you could be in potential physical danger – watch the movies .. Fear with Reese Witherspoon, Enough with Jennifer Lopez, Sleeping with the Enemy with Julia Roberts. They helped me clearly see the danger I was in, and to be careful.

For some time I had to remove myself physically by getting my own place, but I had to wait until he found someone else before he would detach emotionally.

I never wanted to leave him, l did love him but for my own survival and sanity, leaving him was my only option. I sought professional help for my issues but that was never going to be an option for him.

We can dearly love and attract people who are not good for us, especially if we come from a history of childhood neglect, abuse or trauma. The key to change is to change yourself.

x I agree 100% with this. You may need a safety plan to get help. What this really means in practice is living a life in which you are becoming independant  enough(through education or work, learning to drive, saving a little money, saving clothes and your papers) to take care of yourself so when you leave you are stronger and can take care of your basic needs and that of your family.

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