Letting Go

It’s 5 am.

I’m in bed in the dark typing away on my laptop. I’m crying. I’m so sad.

Sad doesn’t describe my sad.

I don’t have the words.

My nose is stuffed up and the tears have dripped down my face and on my dressing gown.

I’m letting go of something. What is it?

A dream I think.

A dream I had fought a long and hard battle for.

A dream that I cannot realize.

I’m not giving up the fight, I’m letting it go

Continuing the fight will only destroy me

I suppose there is finally a sense of peace

A sense of defeat

A sense of surrender

Accepting futility

Accepting reality

I adapt

I move on

6 thoughts on “Letting Go

  1. Wow! I’m not sure words can say what I’d like to express. My empathy is raging, yet… I find no words to express it. I am saddened by your 5 a.m. experience. Your words were so beautifully graphic that I have a most explicit image implanted in my mind of your moment where “sad doesn’t describe my sad.” I truly hope that “sense of peace” quickly becomes more than supposition. I was hesitant to click the ‘like’ button, but opted to do so for the beautiful way you described the moment. My hope for today is that you awaken in your tomorrow with a smile and clear eyes, recalling a most beautiful dream…
    You are in my thoughts…
    Michael

    • Thank you Michael for your kind words. It means a great deal to me – even more coming from a man. Helps me realize there are very good men in this world.
      I am feeling a great sense of peace amid the sadness..
      Just had to finally wake up and accept my limitations regarding my health and let go of some dreams. I’m sure I’ll spring back fast and have much more peace and purpose in my life as a result.
      I also want to tell you, that you are a poet and also a great healer – maybe a wounded healer like myself … and in a very short time your beautiful words and kind thoughts have helped me a great deal. More than you know..

      The Wounded Healer is initiated into the art of healing through some form of personal hardship–anything from an actual physical injury or illness to the loss of all one’s earthly possessions. Regardless of the shape of the wound, the challenge inherent in this initiation process is that one is unable to turn to others for help beyond a certain degree of support. Only the initiate can ultimately heal the wound; if it is an illness or accident, it will frequently be one for which there is no conventional cure. The Wounded Healer archetype emerges in your psyche with the demand that you push yourself to a level of inner effort that becomes more a process of transformation than an attempt to heal an illness. If you have successfully completed the initiation, you inevitably experience an exceptional healing, and a path of service seems to be divinely provided shortly after the initiation is complete.
      Thank you again..

  2. I felt so sad for you, and then I remembered I have been here recently. The letting go, intense crying, has brought peace. Its strange, I let go of something I could never win, or never resolve and by letting go, I did win, and I did resolve it. I became more me, more true to myself, I accepted “what is” and that is what was required. Im stronger now I have let go, but in a way, I still haven’t given in, and now new things are happening. I hope that makes sense.

    Great info on the wounded healer – which I think I am, or have been. thankyou.

    • Thanks for your reply, very thoughtful, helpful and wise.
      I’m feeling much better and much more positive.
      You’re right, it will all work out just not the way I had planned. Sometimes we are pushed to take another direction – maybe not one we want but more the one we have to..

      Just thinking… ever thought you could be a spiritual teacher. (It’s really about passing on your hard earned spiritual insights to others with genuine humility).

      This would have to resonate pretty strongly in you

      The Guide takes the role of Teacher to a spiritual level, teaching not only the beliefs and practices that make up established religions, but also the overarching principle of seeing the Divine in every aspect of life. Clearly you do not have to be a professional Preacher or Guru to have this archetype, as we can all learn to lead others spiritually through developing our own intuitive spiritual awareness and passing on whatever we have learned with genuine humility. To count this archetype as part of your support group, however, you will need to discern in your life a continuing pattern of devoting yourself to teaching others from your own spiritual insights. This presupposes that you have gained wisdom through some combination of self-disciplined practice and study and perhaps spontaneous spiritual experiences. Wisdom also comes with age, and so the Crone or Wise Woman represents the ripening of natural insight and the acceptance of what is, allowing one to pass that wisdom on to others.

      Oh.. still no access to your blog.

      • Thankyou, this does sound Interesting. Something I will look into further. I have been advised to look into support groups too.

        I sent an invite, maybe it isn’t getting through via email – Try checking the users menu from the admin console?? see if the invite is in there.

      • Thanks, I’ll take a look.

        Also the description of the guide is quite heavy on religious aspects. I didn’t write it… I’m a guide and I’m not religious – I do believe in a higher power though.. :o) – it’s really about passing on the wisdom you have gained from your experiences.
        You seem to have a gift for that :o)

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