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Let Her Go – Passenger

Well you only need the light when it’s burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low
Only hate the road when you’re missin’ home
Only know you love her when you let her go
And you let her go

Staring at the bottom of your glass
Hoping one day you’ll make a dream last
But dreams come slow and they go so fast

You see her when you close your eyes
Maybe one day you’ll understand why
Everything you touch surely dies

But you only need the light when it’s burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low
Only hate the road when you’re missin’ home
Only know you love her when you let her go

Staring at the ceiling in the dark
Same old empty feeling in your heart
‘Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast

Well you see her when you fall asleep
But never to touch and never to keep
‘Cause you loved her too much
And you dived too deep

Well you only need the light when it’s burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low
Only hate the road when you’re missin’ home
Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go (oh, oh, ooh, oh no)
And you let her go (oh, oh, ooh, oh no)
Will you let her go?

‘Cause you only need the light when it’s burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low
Only hate the road when you’re missin’ home
Only know you love her when you let her go

‘Cause you only need the light when it’s burning low
Only miss the sun when it starts to snow
Only know you love her when you let her go

Only know you’ve been high when you’re feeling low
Only hate the road when you’re missin’ home
Only know you love her when you let her go

And you let her go

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The Martyr Archetype

Light Attribute

Learning the transcendent nature of service to oneself or a cause.

Shadow Attribute

Addiction to self pity.

The Martyr archetype is well known in two arenas: as a classic political or religious figure, and in the self-help world of contemporary psychology.

In the social and political world, the martyr is often highly respected for having the courage of conviction to represent a cause, even if it requires dying for that cause for the sake of others.

Suffering so that others might be redeemed, whether that redemption take a spiritual or political form, is among the most sacred of human acts.

The Shadow Aspect

Within the self-help field, the shadow Martyr is viewed as a person who has learned to utilize a combination of service and suffering for others as the primary means of controlling and manipulating her environment and an addiction to self pity.

Evaluation

While people recognize this archetype in others, particularly when they are directly influenced by the individual sporting this pattern, they often cannot see it in themselves.

Look for a pattern of giving yourself to causes for the betterment of others, regardless of the consequences.

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 Movies with Martyrs

Watching movies related to one of your core archetypes, especially when going through the process of healing your shadow aspect is a powerful tool to help you understand yourself (your motivations, your passions, your fears – why you behave the way you do).

Healing the Negative Aspect or Shadow Side of the Martyr

Shadow Martyrs tend to be run down, sick, bitter and miserable before they wake up and realize that their life isn’t working for them.

It is probably working for everyone else around them though!

On a spiritual level the answer lies in choosing life and happiness, rather than choosing suffering and unhappiness.

Lessons in self love – taking care of your own needs first, in order to give and to be of benefit to someone else.

Selflessness vs. Selfishness

Assertiveness – learning to say no to others in order to say yes to yourself

Consider counselling or talk therapy to overcome issues:

Forgoing your own needs leads to ill health, victimization, blaming others, bitterness and resentment.

People do not respect those who do not take care of themselves first no matter how kind and loving they are.

Issues to Address

Your fears regarding creating a happy life for yourself – devoid of endless suffering

Learning to take care of yourself: emotionally, physically and spiritually

Being responsible for your own well being

Self Esteem

Learning healthy narcissism

Addressing childhood and/or past life issues regarding martyrdom.

Self Love

Learning how to set firm boundaries with people.

Removing the takers and selfish people from your life.

Developing the courage to take the action required to create your own happy life, free of pain, suffering and resentment.


Ask yourself this question when you choose to ‘help others’ or give to others especially when you yourself are stressed, run down or overtired.

Is this good for me?

“What do I need?”

and also remember…  

those that love you, want you to be happy and free of stress

…not miserable because you give endlessly until you are burnt out and exhausted.

That is not called love – that is called martyrdom.

Healing Quotes

Silver Girl

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Indigo = Intuition & Perception

Colour Psychology – Indigo!

Third Eye Chakra – I see

Intuition: use it to assist in accessing intuitive abilities – it is the first step to higher spiritual knowledge

Integrity: and deep sincerity are qualities of indigo

Structure and Order: a good colour to use in restructuring aspects of your life or business

Wisdom: an inner knowingness and awareness – spiritual wisdom rather than the wisdom of the intellect

The color indigo is the color of intuition and perception and is helpful in opening the third eye. It promotes deep concentration during times of introspection and meditation, helping you achieve deeper levels of consciousness. It is a color which relates to the “New Age” – the ability to use the Higher Mind to see beyond the normal senses with great powers of perception. It relies on intuition rather than gut feeling.

Indigo is a deep midnight blue. It is a combination of deep blue and violet and holds the attributes of both these colors.

Service to humanity is one of the strengths of the color indigo. Powerful and dignified, indigo conveys integrity and deep sincerity.

The color meaning of indigo reflects great devotion, wisdom and justice along with fairness and impartiality. It is a defender of people’s rights to the end.

Structure creates identity and meaning for indigo. In fact an indigo person cannot function without structure – it throws them right off balance. Organization is very important to them and they can be quite inflexible when it comes to order in their lives.

Positive keywords include integrity and sincerity, structure and regulations, highly responsible, idealism, obedience, highly intuitive, practical visionary, faithful, devotion to the truth and selflessness.

Negative keywords include being fanatical, judgmental, impractical, intolerant and inconsiderate, depressed, fearful, self-righteous, a conformist, addictive, bigoted and avoiding conflict.

Add a little indigo to your life today!

Extract from: Empower Yourself with Colour Psychology

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‘In Love’ vs. Love

How Do I Love Thee?

The Triangular Theory of Love

Throughout our lives, we’ve all been exposed to different types of relationships, both personally and through media. We have acquaintances, coworkers, companions, friends, lovers, wives, husbands, and every combination in between. While all these relationships are important, the people we love tend to have a special place in our hearts and minds.

But even amongst those we ‘love,’ there are a number of different relationships. Some relationships are short, passionate flings based solely on attraction or lust. Others, though lacking in physical attraction, are deep, intimate friendships formed through ongoing interaction and conversation. Others are simple marriages of convenience with a firm commitment, but little passion or intimacy.

Although these relationships might seem to be very different, the people involved might still call the emotion they share ‘love.’ This suggests that we’re using a single term to describe what may be several different emotions. Because of this, it can be difficult to come to a mutual understanding of what the word love really means.

Intimacy  +  Commitment  +  Passion

Psychologist Robert Sternberg has described human relationships in terms of three forms of love.

Forms of Love

  • Passion (Infatuated Love)
  • Intimacy (Friendship)
  • Commitment (Empty Love)

Passion

Passion is based on aesthetics. We’re passionately attracted to certain people because of how they look, sound, smell, feel and taste. These aesthetic cues communicate information about health, reproductive fitness, fertility, and social status to potential partners. We generally evaluate these cues automatically without conscious consideration.

If a relationship had Passion but lacked Intimacy and Commitment, it would be called Infatuated Love, or lust. This form of love would describe the quick fling or one-night stand. According to Sternberg, relationships based solely on Passion tend to burn out quickly. We tend to be attracted to people who are about as attractive, wealthy, and educated as ourselves (i.e. those who are similar to us).

Intimacy

Sternberg defines Intimacy as Friendship, rather than sexual intimacy. Achieving Intimacy usually requires repeated conversation and interaction over time. You don’t really get to know someone well without spending time together in a variety of situations.

When we engage in conversation with another person, we make both unconscious and conscious evaluations of them. We judge whether our styles of interaction are complementary and comfortable, or similar and conflicting. Does the other person constantly interrupt when you’re talking? Are you always butting heads over who’s in charge? Does he or she give you the amount of respect you feel you deserve?

If all you had with another person was Intimacy, you’d probably be very close friends. However, you’d likely not feel much passion or sexual attraction. If someone has ever told you that they love you, but aren’t “in love” with you, it’s likely that they were talking about feeling Intimacy without passion.

Commitment

Commitment is a mutually agreed upon agreement. In marriage, an individual consciously enters into a public contract with another person. Even in long-term relationships outside of marriage, the majority of couples in the western world still commit to an exclusive partnership. And yet, without Passion or Intimacy, Commitment is merely an empty agreement. If the only thing you had with someone was a Commitment, without any Passion or Intimacy, you’d have what Sternberg calls “Empty Love.”

Depending on the context, one or more of the three forms of love can occur at different times in a relationship. In the western world, Commitment usually comes after we’ve had a chance to evaluate our levels of Passion and Intimacy. At that point, we’ve hopefully decided whether the other person’s personality is a good fit for our own. In other parts of the world this may not be the case. Arranged marriages are one example of a relationship that begins with Commitment, with the expectation of Passion and Intimacy developing later.

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 The Triangular Theory 

– Robert Sternberg

The strengths of your Intimacy, Commitment and Passion allow you to see where in the triangle your relationship currently sits.

High levels of intimacy and commitment but no passion? You are experiencing companionate love.

High passion but no Commitment or Intimacy? You’re infatuated.

The 7 Types of Love

Liking/Friendship

(Intimacy)

Sternberg says that this is friendship where one enjoys the company of another but does not feel sexually passionate toward them or indeed feel any long-term commitment to them as one would with a family member.

 Companionate Love

(Intimacy + Commitment) 

Long term romantic relationships tend toward Companionate Love. There is Intimacy and Commitment but no sexual passion. Most people feel Companionate love toward their family members. There is more commitment than in a simple friendship. Feeling companionate love for a person does not stop you being annoyed or irritated by that person. Indeed, that irritation and resentment can often be the cause of the loss of passion. Often cantankerous older couples have strong companionate love for each other even though they argue all the time.

 Empty Love

(Commitment)

In empty love there is commitment but no passion or intimacy. Relationships where couples are leading separate lives under the same roof. A relationship can slip toward Empty Love when a couple stay together for family reasons.

 Fatuous Love

(Commitment + Passion)

Commitment and Passion with no Intimacy are the hallmarks of Fatuous Love. When a couple fall in love seemingly instantly and marry with haste they will often find themselves in the trouble of Fatuous Love. Without intimacy or friendship the reality of the dream life that the couple thought they would lead can come as a shock. The relationship can still make it but it will be hard work since the couple don’t really know each other.

 Infatuation

(Passion)

Infatuation is love at first sight. It’s passion without intimacy or commitment which explains why it can dissapear as suddenly as it appeared. The reality of life with another human being is very hard on Infatuation. There’s nothing wrong with Infatuation as a starting point in a relationship, many relationships start that way but the relationship won’t last unless it can become grounded in some Intimacy and/or Commitment. This helps to explain why our passion cools after a while – it has to in order to enable to relationship to survive.

 Romantic Love

(Passion + Intimacy)

This is the one we think we all want, passion and intimacy bound up together. Passionate love gives us that sensation of “fusion” with our lovers so that we seem to become one. Unfortunately it isn’t grounded in commitment. As described by Dr Sternberg Romantic Love is a whirlwind of intense emotion and bonding but it can fall apart if the emotional high is not maintained through a lack of commitment or stickability.

 Consummate Love

(Passion + Intimacy + Commitment)

According to Dr Sternberg this is the “perfect” form of love that can be found right in the center of the triangle. In it Intimacy, Commitment and Passion are all equally strong. This is the true love that can last the whole lives of the couple and allow them to survive the inevitable ups and downs of life. A couple experiencing Consummate Love can truly say that their lover is their best friend. They are true life-partners, committed, passionate and intimate with each other.